


i built god, so let's talk.

by jesuisjisung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Enemies, Homophobic Language, Hwang Hyunjin is a Little Shit, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, M/M, Swearing, endgame minsung, hyunsung definitely has a thing but it's... well, jealous lee know, lapslock, lee know is stupid, sex glorification
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2020-12-09 18:35:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20999438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuisjisung/pseuds/jesuisjisung
Summary: it only takes one chaotic truth or dare session for jisung and hyunjin to reveal why they have been so attached to the hips lately, supposedly replacing minho as the #1 best friend for jisung.it also only takes just that one apparently dirty little secret for minho to realize his jealousy may not be all platonic.





	1. firsts

minho has never been the brightest person out there.

sure, there have been times when he will randomly do things which make people laugh—his _members _laugh— and he won’t hold himself back to not laugh at something particularly and intentionally hilarious, but he isn’t always so bright.

at least, compared to the seemingly forever happy hyunjin or felix, especially the former with his happy-go-lucky persona on and off cameras, minho is definitely much more to the quiet side. the demure side. the guy who will suddenly turn silent in a middle of a vibrant group discussion because suddenly he’s compelled to _brood _about random things.

but maybe that’s why he’s so close to one han jisung, simply because their personalities attract each other.

they’re not 24/7 excited. their positive vibes only come through when they’re intentionally stimulated by the external factors to respond positively. for example, when jokes are made, warm and cozy conversations are thrown, they both will respond accordingly. still, they’re not so perpetually positive. especially jisung. you can easily decipher the guy. he wears his heart on his sleeves, rarely try too hard to conceal his feelings because he seldom cares enough about the non-existing yet perfectly haunting consequences of his bluntness. which is great. because that kind of mindset breeds anxious insecurity, and jisung has stated he’s much rather to immerse himself in the pool of insecurities regarding his artistic and performance skills than his personality’s, simply because, according to him, “you can change the way you perform. but you can’t change who you are.”

jisung says being insecure of your own personality in the midst of a group who has been so intimate with you, who has been so patient and accepting, who has been so understanding and encouraging you to speak up instead of hiding away, is a waste of sanity and energy.

he’s learned to just fully trust the eight guys he’s been living under the same roof with for the past several years with his fears and insecurities. which is why it’s never hard to figure jisung out because you _don’t actually need to_, he’ll just tell you whatever’s up in his mind.

especially to minho. because they’re best friends like that, “soulmates” like that. minho will know whatever new things jisung has in his mind before jisung’s big mouth has the pleasure of blabbering it to every member he happens to encounter in every second of the day. about the new term he learns which he will encapsulates to his future lyrics, about the cute kitten at the back of the building, about the tasty pancake stall near the minimarket at the corner of the street which is totally overpriced but it doesn’t matter because it tastes like heaven, about everything in jisung’s mind which has been deemed interesting enough to be shared, minho knows. because, not to brag or anything, minho is almost confident that his words and opinions matter _that much_ to jisung that the younger male will “consult” to minho first before starting his hobby to overshare everything to the rest of the group.

_almost_.

because “something” has obviously happened to jisung for the past couple of weeks, and minho is left in complete darkness.

“something” as in since when has jisung grown that close to one hwang hyunjin? close as in jisung literally just passes by minho’s lap to walk over straight onto hyunjin’s at the other side of the room right after their exhausting stage?

jisung _has never, ever, _chosen anyone else’s lap over minho’s whenever the older boy shows that his mood is good enough to make his lap available. and hyunjin, despite how intensely affectionate the boy is, _has never, ever, _let anyone’s sweaty physique slot themselves down near him, let alone on his lap.

it's not that jisung and hyunjin aren't close. they're very close, is just they have other preferences that prevent them to be as close as they are showing now.

minho doesn’t show it, because unlike jisung whose expressions are just as blunt as what’s inside him, his blank, cooled face easily hides away the intense curiosity he’s holding in as he observes how jisung casually rests his sweaty head to hyunjin’s shoulder, without much protest from hyunjin who wraps an arm around jisung’s waist instead. they both act casual as hyunjin’s other hand continuously holds the small, portable fan close to his face (and jisung’s too, now) and he keeps on chatting animatedly with felix next to them (who even sits 1.5 meters away from hyunjin because the rest of the group has just _known_ that hyunjin hates sweaty people) who also stops and stares for a good second at jisung’s antics before resuming whatever he’s been talking about with hyunjin. jisung and hyunjin just keep on acting as if whatever they’re doing is normal.

(_and it is_. it’s normal for the members to be physically intimate and affectionate to each other, but it’s not _normal _for hyunjin to let a sweaty person sit on his usually welcoming lap and jisung to not seat his sweaty body to the only member who almost never rejects jisung’s overbearing advances, minho).

minho has never been the brightest person out there but this immensely curious wonder gets him on a full time brooding mode.

(no, it’s not petty jealousy. shut up, minho’s not a twelve year old girl who gets jealous when her best friend is closer to someone else than her.)

~~

“we should play something.”

“i’m betting three thousand won on whoever has the guts to go butt naked and dance ‘fancy’ at the balcony.”

“not that kind of game, changbin. jesus christ.”

“boohoo, boring.”

it’s currently 2 pm in the dorm, and an amazingly heavy rain is pouring outside. on the only day off the boys have for this week before they start practicing for the new choreography tomorrow monday.

truthfully, all the boys are more than happy to know jyp allows them literally at least three comebacks in a year despite them only debuted a year ago. but considering everything in the world has its side effects (side effects, get it?), the more songs they get to do, the more weary they get from doing the similar routine from week to week.

practicing, recording, performing, it’s currently become a boring routine for nine young, hormonal boys who are in desperate need of fun and de-stressing.

they were planning to go to the amusement park today, with woojin and minho having planned detailed meal packages to carry with them as they go. but nope. exactly at 11 am when jeongin was about to excitedly unlock their dorm’s door to exit and travel to the park, a big thunder broke the sky and heavy rain was pouring within a matter of seconds.

and it fucking lasted. for three hours now.

to say the boys have grown disappointed and sluggish and just _bored _is an understatement. they’re lying around in the living room now, all nine of them, bored to death without knowing what to do.

at least chan’s idea to play a game manages to sound a tad bit interesting. just a tad, because everyone’s heads have literally turned grey when they were all still sitting on the living room waiting since 1 pm and the rain still went on and about until now.

“like i said,” chan starts again after sending a scowl over changbin who returns it with a light grin. “we should play a game.”

“there are not much varieties to explore in this big ass rain,” seungmin deadpans.

“okay first, language. and second, don’t act as if you all lazy modern day kids actually orient your fun to the outdoors. we can have fun here, in the dorm,” chan retorts, with the practiced breathing of a patient single father taking care of many rowdy, abominable kids.

“i’m not in the mood. too sleepy,” jisung quips sleepily from where his face is buried to a pillow on hyunjin’s lap, the position he’s been maintaining for the past thirty minutes (and no, minho isn’t sneaking glances to them both for the past thirty minutes either from where he sits across the room).

“exactly so let’s make the _fucking mood_, guys!” chan shouts excitedly as he abruptly stands up and claps his hands, somehow the excitement he advocates implicitly laced with coercion and an ultimatum that if any of the boys speak up to complain again he will actually throttle them with the small keyboard he has in his bedroom.

“jesus, hyung,” minho does speak up this time, rolling his eyes, intentionally challenging the leader as he stubbornly sits on the sofa with his back relaxed. “what exactly are we going to play anyway? all of us are pretty much dead inside in this weather.”

a choruses of “exactly” and “yes” echo in the room and now minho is on the receiving end of chan’s vengeful glare.

minho chuckles and winks at the exasperated leader. chan is such an easy dad.

“oh! i get it!” changbin suddenly pipes up, earning collective groans from everyone else and even chan this time.

“no. nope. whatever you’re thinking, changbin, don’t spit it out.”

changbin only rolls his eyes.

“no, you all dumbasses. this time it’s a good idea,” he stubbornly retorts before his face transforms into an excited, devilish grin as he leans closer. “let’s play truth or dare.”

this time, collective boos are echoing throughout the room.

“that’s seriously boring. we’ve done it ten times already,” seungmin exasperatedly groans.

“yes, hyung. and besides, what embarrassing secrets have we not known yet about each other?” even felix pipes up, confirming just how horrible changbin’s idea is.

“oh, fuck off, y’all losers. just trying to pipe an idea around here,” changbin grumbles before he crosses his arms and leans back to the couch dejectedly, pouting like a child he really is. the pout somehow gets more intense when chan shoots a glare across the room for his bad words.

but suddenly, woojin, from his position right next to changbin, smirks lazily a little.

“let’s make it something new. let’s just use the truth or dare app. that way the questions thrown won’t be meddled with our personal knowledge of each other and so are the dares,” woojin says.

that earns a good three seconds worth of contemplating silence before seungmin pipes up again, “nope, still boring.”

“well, that’s because you’re a grouchy little buzzkill, seungmin,” woojin mocks, earning another eye roll from seungmin that usually won’t happen considering woojin will straight up reprimand the younger members for behaving so disrespectfully but they’re so _sluggish _now anyway.

“you know what,” chan chirps in. “that actually sounds challengingly fun.”

“no, it’s not” that stubbornly comes from seungmin gets easily defeated with the loud “yeah, i agree” and “let’s give it a try” and “cool” from changbin, felix, and jeongin.

“see? that isn’t so hard. i have the app downloaded already,” woojin says as he fishes out his phone.

“let’s sit on the floor in a circle, it’ll be much better,” chan says, urging the boys to move from their respective positions to the center of the living room (with jeongin forcibly dragging seungmin from his grumbling position at the corner of the room). “what about you three? coming?”

that question comes for minho, hyunjin, and jisung who have been quiet during their little squabble regarding the game.

minho glances at hyunjin who’s staring at the bundle of brown hair that is jisung perched on the pillow on his lap, as if currently involved in a telepathic conversation between each other until hyunjin says jokingly, “i’ll play if jisung plays.”

that earns yet another collective exasperated groans from everyone but minho whose expression morphs into contempt at such petty, middle schoolgirls friendship pact.

(again, it’s not jealousy that’s amplified by the fact that instead of minho’s bed jisung took to nap in these past weeks, it’s hyunjin’s. and also definitely not amplified by the fact that nowadays jisung is much more attached to the hip with hyunjin, usually seen whispering and giggling quietly at each other like how jisung used to be with minho before the _past couple of weeks_.)

“that’s so childish, hyunjin,” minho finds himself bitterly quipping yet the serious malice in his voice is casually mistaken as a joke by the younger boy as hyunjin playfully sticks his tongue out and glares at minho.

“if i’m so childish then why don’t you play, hyung?”

“i will,” minho retorts sharply, earning a cheer from jeongin as he moves down from the sofa and joins the circle.

“fineee,” jisung’s muffled whine from the pillow is heard before he sticks his face up. “let’s play, bitches.”

god, minho thinks to himself as hyunjin sits right next to him with jisung right next to hyunjin, this is going to be so boring.

~~

it definitely is not boring.

the app actually works wonders at hyping up the game that’s considered dull by everyone in the room because they all casually assume they’ve known each other a little bit too much to be amazed by each other’s secrets. the first part of the game that deserves to be highlighted is how _insane the dares are_.

even minho, one of the most shameless men in their little herd of nine boys, got himself humiliated and defeated by one dare. the first time the turn came to minho, the boy had bravely chosen dare and pretty much involuntarily gasped an “oh my god” when he saw he needed to send a video of him advertising a soap to a group chat. the worst part was changbin said he should send it to the jyp idols group chat and minho just wanted to _die_.

“holy shit, that’s insane!” jisung had excitedly exclaimed, all the sleepiness gone when everyone piped up their agreement to make minho send the video to the jyp idols group chat. “that’s literally fucking insane and you must do it, hyung.”

“fuck you, this shit is out of line,” minho had protested.

“lee minho! lee minho!” felix had started chanting until all seven boys were loudly shouting his name. and so, how could he possibly refuse to do the challenge if the punishment awaited him was worse than a video that can be unsent when the game’s over?

(hyunjin and seungmin had brewed up a potion of a lemonade mixed with chicken broth extract, black coffee, sugar, and kimchi water. it smells like ass and it’s currently sitting on its throne in the middle of the circle, awaits the ultimate pussy to finish the entire cup if they decide to skip a dare.)

and that was the story of how a 47 seconds video of minho holding his favorite matcha soap while delivering a formal, salesman-on-tv speech about how amazing the soap is ended up in jyp idols group chat. he even elaborated that the soap will give men six pack because the soap is originally a female soap product but minho "likes danger and hence he’s much more manly by using the soap now".

at the first minutes minho had learned jaebum, bambam, yugyeom, nayeon, and jeongyeon had sent their responses. minho was honestly too embarrassed to open the group chat but he knew the responses must be comical judging from the loud guffaws the other members shared as they huddled over their phones.

“all i can conclude is your reputation is so dead in the eyes of our seniors, minho,” chan said while laughing, earning a slipper thrown his way which only made him and the other members laughed louder.

(minho, however, will deny that he felt a little bit happy by the ridiculousness of the dare because he saw jisung laughed so hard about it. he also definitely didn’t thank the app for giving him the ultimate stupid dare when jisung leaned over hyunjin to hug minho in a wheezing/sobbing hysterical laugh. it definitely wasn’t a _jisung thing_. minho just likes making his members laugh. that’s it.)

from then on, the game’s dares had progressed—_regressed_—incredibly. chan had to call a girl randomly and said he had been so in love with her for a while now (he originally wanted to choose nayeon who has been such a close friend with him to know it must be a game but such cowardice move wasn’t allowed when jisung dialed a very confused and scandalized chaeyoung instead), felix had to french kiss the one sitting next to him (it was seungmin and in the end they decided to tone it down to a cheek peck because seungmin had threatened he would not only beat felix but also to not clean the dorm for two weeks which would be catastrophic for the group’s hygiene quality), hyunjin had to drink something he hated the most (minho had evilly piped up a black coffee which got hyunjin to look at him with ignored puppy eyes), and woojin had to record a video of him dancing shirtless in a wig (chan made him dance ‘fancy’ and sent it to nayeon, much to woojin’s embarrassment when nayeon sent an audio of her, jeongyeon, and tzuyu laughing hysterically).

because of minho’s brave sacrifice of self dignity by being the first one to choose dare, the entire circle was in an adrenaline to constantly choose dares. after it’s assured that everyone had at least done a dare, the entire group is left tired from laughing so much at each other’s stupidity.

“hyung, you’re such a hero. god bless this game,” changbin says in the middle of a very exhausted laugh to woojin who can’t answer due to unstoppable laugh from seeing felix eating an entire raw lemon.

“fuck this game,” felix curses with a very miserable scrunched up face, the entire scene too funny to be reprimanded because felix _actually curses_.

“okay but seriously i’m getting tired from laughing. let’s switch up,” hyunjin says.

“switch up?”

“to truths. i’m not sure i’m ready to handle another misery and also another round of laugh.”

“i agree, i literally have gone to the bathroom twice just after one round so please let’s tone this shit down before i pass out from overpissing,” jisung pipes up in agreement.

(“the fuck is an overpissing jisung.”

“it’s a fucking thing, okay, stop trying to fight me.”)

“truths are boring, though,” minho argues. “like felix said, we’ve known about each other too much.”

“but the game hasn’t spoken yet,” hyunjin says in a mock sage tone.

“so far the dares are insane. maybe the truths can actually rope secrets of us that we haven’t known about each other?” jeongin pipes up.

“i agree. to truths?” chan says, earning a “go” from the rest, defeating minho's argument about how boring it would most likely get.

but the game didn't relent, instead it roped some juicy truths, all right. in less than 15 minutes, the group has learned that woojin once went a date with a hot girl from his school without knowing that he was wearing a jeans with a hole right on his ass the entire time, jeongin had known what chicken poo tastes like because he was a dumb kid who accepted the dare from his friend to actually ate one, felix was once brought to hospital for trying to copy the mia wallace snorting heroin scene from pulp fiction when he was thirteen but replaced the said heroin with a peanut that got stuck in his nose bridge, and hachiko was that traumatizing for minho he cried so hard he threw up when he was ten.

the truths had been hilarious so far, and the death cup in the middle of the circle remained untouched. the game definitely had brought something new to the group.

“all right, you’re up, hyunjin,” chan says as he presses “truth” before even waiting for hyunjin’s answer.

the question is _so boringly basic_.

“have you ever had sex with anyone?” seungmin reads aloud, earning complaints from the entire group.

“jesus, we been knew about this,” changbin whines. “hyunjin, like the rest of us busy, sheltered boys, has never—“

“yes, i have.”

“bitch you be lying.”

minho doesn’t know who’s the golden bastard that manages to reply brilliantly to hyunjin’s statement because he, like the rest of the group, is too busy staring at hyunjin in pure shock. well, not everyone, as chan and jeongin have chosen to make whale noises from shock.

“what? i have!” hyunjin defensively retorts.

“masturbation doesn’t count as sex, hyunjin,” changbin deadpans, becoming the person to be receiving end of a second flying slipper that day, this time from hyunjin.

“i know the difference between masturbation and sex, thank you very much. and yes, i have had sex before!” hyunjin insists, making the group dwells in complete silence for a good three seconds before a simultaneous laugh breaks out. “i’m not lying!”

“hyunjin, sweetie, you know i love you,” chan says as he wipes fake tears from his eyes, still laughing. “but don’t include your dream here, okay. i, as the official nanny of this group, can definitely vouch that you’ve never been seen with a girl to have—“

“he’s not lying. he’s had sex before.”

the entire group stops laughing so abruptly they can suffer from whiplash when they hear jisung’s words.

“what?” minho hisses from shock, eyes bulging at jisung who’s casually twirling around hyunjin’s long sleeve in his fingers.

“i’m vouching for his words. he’s had sex before,” jisung shrugs and hyunjin looks at him with a little surprise before he whips his head back to the rest of the group and smiles so brightly and _obnoxiously_.

“whoa, okay…” minho hears woojin says in pure wonder and shock. “okay… what the fuck.”

yep, even hyunjin gets woojin cursing.

“yeah, how did you do it?!”

“when?!”

“when?! the real question is with whom did he do it!” jeongin exclaims, effectively shutting the group’s commotion and everyone looks firmly at hyunjin.

hyunjin smirks and hums.

“hnng, i’m not telling you~” hyunjin replies instead in his annoying aegyo voice. changbin throws hyunjin’s slipper back to the owner who easily dodges it.

“answer the question motherfucker you’re the only non-virgin in this house.”

“hey, that isn’t the question! the question is only about whether i have had sex or not, and i’ve answered!” hyunjin sticks his tongue out. “and plus, you’re wrong. i’m not the only non-virgin in this house.”

the entire group looks at chan and woojin, the two most possible non-virgin members of the group before both hold their arms up.

“i swear, i haven’t had sex with anyone yet,” chan says defensively.

“me neither. the furthest i’ve gotten was second base, that’s it,” woojin adds.

minho’s curiosity is toned down when he hears jisung laughs at his left, followed by hyunjin, being the only ones who find the joke in this. minho grits his teeth at the realization.

_so this is an inside secret and joke between them both_.

it definitely isn’t petty friendship jealousy that’s heating up minho’s chest, informing minho that jisung and hyunjin have grown so close that jisung is the only one who knows about such important detail of hyunjin’s life.

“well, damn. who knows that hyunjin the church boy is the first one that manages to break the chastity vow among us all heathens,” changbin pipes up with a lazy smile on his face, settling on making this into a joke for them all instead of continuously prodding the details of hyunjin’s first time.

“i’m still going to get the bottom of this, hyung,” jeongin says with two fingers directed to his eyes then to hyunjin’s. “this isn’t over.”

hyunjin only laughs and leans down on the floor, head perched on his palms.

“whatever, little baby jeonginnie.”

the game resumes just like that, even though a lingering oddity remains in the air. it’s understandable, obviously. when you live under the same roof with other people and do everything with them all the time, then to find out that one of them managed to break the company’s rule and had sex secretly when it’s something the rest haven’t gotten a chance to even consider about, the questions linger: when, how, and who.

minho then notices even though chan still laughs along, a flicker of seriousness passes by his face. well, poor hyunjin. it seems like he’s going to be interrogated after all.

“fuck you hyunjin for tipping us all away from our axis,” seungmin dramatically grumbles, earning a laugh from the said boy before he presses truth for jisung’s turn.

“tell everyone your biggest, definitely life-changing secret,”seungmin reads aloud and minho rolls his eyes before he grabs his coca cola and starts to drink. so far, jisung hasn’t had any secrets which are interesting that much, minho knows because jisung always tells minho his secrets. he’ll probably share that one secret though, when he accidentally opened itzy’s changing room instead of stray kids’ and saw yeji only in her undergarments and they both screamed at each other before jisung stupidly realized he was on the offensive side and immediately scrammed.

as minho took a drink from his can, he hears hyunjin laughs and quietly, yet audibly whispers a “do it” before jisung says,

“i’m the second non-virgin in this house.”

minho fucking _chokes_.

he’s too busy thumping his chest and coughing and trying to relieve himself from the hellish burning pain that is _choking on fucking soda _to notice the rest of the group goes crazy with the confession.

“han jisung what the fuck!” that’s changbin’s voice.

“you’re lying. i don’t believe you.” that’s seungmin, sounding every bit scandalized.

“i’m being honest! i—“

the rest of jisung’s explanation goes mute when minho distributes all his focus on not _dying from choking on a soda _until he feels whoever’s soothing hand on his back and the soda finally leaves his lungs. he looks up with teary eyes to see changbin and jeongin tackling over jisung, demanding explanations.

“you’re lying. chan hyung and i, of all people, spend most time with you and we know it’s unlikely your dick to have a recreation with a girl in the midst of our busy times! i know for sure your face is a blushing, stupid mess whenever you come in contact with girls even though we’re literally crowded by twice every time we meet!” changbin shouts to a laughing and beaten up jisung.

“i’m telling you the truth!”

“i don’t believe you!” jeongin exclaims as he begins to tickle jisung. “you have another embarrassing secret that you don’t want to share us!”

“you—!”

“he’s being honest,” hyunjin suddenly pipes in the middle of his laugh at seeing jisung being crowded over, effectively shutting up everyone, especially minho who whips his head to hyunjin in shock.

“wow okay what the fuck, why are you vouching for each other’s virginity identities? did you both lose it at the same time during a gangbang or something?!” changbin exclaims hysterically as hyunjin and jisung’s laughs only get louder when they hear that.

minho can only look at the laughing jisung and hyunjin with open mouth and bulging eyes, shock beyond belief.

“hyung, do you not know this?” he suddenly hears felix talking to him which he automatically replies with a no. “wow, i thought you know. usually you’re the one who knows everything about jisung."

well, that hurts.

because yes, up until now minho has thought of himself the way felix and most likely the rest of the group has thought. _minho knows about jisung’s everything just as much as jisung knows about minho’s everything_.

but minho sees that hyunjin is the only one laughing along with jisung now and hyunjin is the one confirming jisung’s words. minho then remembers for the past couple of weeks he and jisung have never talked so intimately for a long time like they used to, only limited to casual chats whenever they run into each other close enough to talk, what with jisung staying by hyunjin’s side all the time there possibly just not enough time for jisung to share his latest, most important secret to minho.

fuck, being replaced so abruptly hurts like a bitch.

it’s stupid but he feels the back of his eyes heat up, tears threaten to fall down as the entire frustration comes to its absolute climax—that such a vital, exhilarating secret of jisung’s growth as a young person is shared to hyunjin first, instead of him.

“okay, guys, stop,” chan suddenly says after being so quiet, surprising everyone with his serious tone and expression, even jisung and hyunjin have stopped laughing. “this is no longer a laughing matter. i know sex is within someone’s privacy and it’s obviously none of anyone’s business, but two of us have broken the rules the company has imprinted so religiously.”

those words immediately change the entire vibe, changbin and jeongin returning to their respective positions as jisung and hyunjin straighten up, laughs stopped.

“i just want to know if you both didn’t do it recklessly. if you both didn’t have sex with anyone who can easily leak intimate information about you to public, who can easily threaten your—_our_—careers,” chan continues, traces of joke lost from his face.

the entire group sinks into silence, as the real deal comes to light. what chan says is true, sex is no light matter when you’re an idol.

“i know you both definitely didn’t lose it before we debuted, because we did this truth or dare question last year and all of us said we never had sex. hell, i know for sure jisung has never had a girlfriend that’s intimate enough to have sex with,” chan elaborates, his professional leader role taking place. jisung and hyunjin look at him, pay attention to his words. “i hope your silences mean you finally understand the weight of this entire deal. let’s just consider the game ended. i want to know with whom, when, and how you both first had sex. if you both are too uncomfortable to reveal it to the whole group, we can have a private conversation.”

jisung then turns his head to hyunjin, looks at him questioningly, his eyes searching. minho clenches his fists at the obvious display of how this entire sex deal is a secret between jisung and hyunjin alone and now they both are contemplating to talk about it or not.

fuck, why is he being so stupidly petty? is he seriously jealous that his _supposed _best friend tells and trusts someone else about his first time instead of him when chan has the rational worries instead?

minho catches hyunjin nodding and jisung turns back to chan.

“no need for private conversations, hyung. and no need to worry about the other parties of our first times to blabber false slanders to public. they won’t,” jisung says calmly, yet minho catches his fingers idly playing with hyunjin’s sleeve again, this time a little more urgent, an obvious sign of nervousness. chan eyes him skeptically.

“how can you be so sure?

hyunjin shrugs, although minho can catch the little tremble in his figure.

“because we lost our virginity to each other.”


	2. imperfect human

in all retrospect, minho should’ve seen it coming.

he should’ve seen it coming, the day when finally jisung decides to find someone else to latch onto when minho isn’t spending much time with him. it’s nothing new or odd, it’s actually completely normal to find someone else to give attention to and vice versa when the usual person that has all attention you give is unavailable. both minho and jisung have familiarized themselves with that concept, because jisung gets almost completely unavailable when it’s time for 3racha to start producing new music and minho gets almost completely unavailable when a new choreography drops and all energy he has is channeled into practicing. when practice with the entire group is over, he’ll go back to the dorm with others, shower, and plant his face deep into his pillow to sleep with a threat if anyone bothers him, no matter how much they know minho actually loves them, will get a nasty death with a hairdryer cord wrapped around their neck.

so during these busy days when neither is that much available to latch onto, minho and jisung will easily blend themselves into the group, channeling their pent up affection for each other to other boys who deserve it just as much as they do.

but for the _past_ _couple of weeks_, minho _isn’t_ unavailable. he’s right there, ready to give and receive his usual cute little package of daily affection from jisung. a new choreography hasn’t dropped yet and jisung has finished producing “double knot” with chan and changbin. they _should be_ together for the _past couple of fucking weeks_, considering both are available.

but still, jisung latches onto hyunjin the way he did the week before the _past couple of weeks_ when minho went back home for an entire week, leaving the other eight boys in the dorm.

minho shouldn’t had gone back home to his three cats if the cost for fulfilling his longing is to see his actual soulmate doing soulmate-y things with someone that isn’t _him_.

~~

“… what?”

the entire room falls into an incredibly deafening silence, with the heavy rain that’s still stubborn to exist outside becoming the background music. just when everyone thinks the mood of the game can’t plummet even lower than when chan prods both jisung and hyunjin to reveal their first times, it plummets even lower.

minho feels his mind going blank. he’s not even joking, he just sits there frozen in shock with wide eyes looking at both jisung and hyunjin, the former still has his eyes on hyunjin’s sleeve and the latter steadily looks straight to chan, not wanting to chance a glance to his other group mates.

minho definitely has heard that wrong.

“no, you didn’t hear it wrong, hyung. i heard it too,” seungmin suddenly says and minho realizes he just said the words out loud.

jisung seems to be roped by minho speaking up as the boy looks up, straight to minho. his face is blank, not showing that much of turbulence, but minho chances a look at jisung’s eyes and sees those dark brown orbs tremble.

jisung is bloody fucking nervous.

if this ice doesn’t melt soon, jisung will probably throw up straight to the floor. he’s not the person that gets easily nervous between them all, but when he does, his entire stomach will act up dramatically.

like that time when the group was performing “hellevator” for the first time in front of jyp, minho literally accompanied jisung to the bathroom where the younger boy both vomited and shat_ at the same time_.

minho would laugh at the memory if only the situation blanketing him—and the rest of the boys—now don’t suffocate so much.

_jisung and hyunjin are fucking?_

“you both are fucking?”

minho doesn’t even turn his face from jisung when changbin says what’s exactly on minho’s mind. he still maintains the staring contest with jisung, himself with the face of a petrified man and the younger boy’s with intense nerves and—

if the paleness of his face says anything, minho bets his money on fear.

but then jisung sucks in a sharp breath and the usual steely, confident look he sports during stressful time returns, almost surprising minho.

(_almost_, because minho knows how tough jisung’s mentality is, the boy rarely cracks under pressure. jisung may be a coward at real life things most of times, like a mini rollercoaster for example, but minho knows jisung is never a coward when it comes to facing his responsibilities.)

“yep,” jisung answers, popping the “p” as he looks away from minho to look at changbin whose face is as confused as that one cat meme it’s beyond comical. “we are.”

jisung nods at himself and starts swaying back and forth a little, acting casual. hyunjin stays seated like a statue, though this time his eyes slowly scan the room to the faces of each member, most likely gauging their reaction.

minho still doesn’t look away from jisung besides hyunjin who no longer stares at him.

“well, damn. that’s definitely not something i expected when i’m so damn curious about the unlucky gals who popped your cherries,” changbin says, more laidback now although it’s obvious the trace of shock still has a throne on his long face.

“jesus christ.”

all heads whipped around to look at chan, including minho. the leader’s pale face has somewhat aged, exhaustion that usually exists during sleepless nights of producing has taken place, and he’s running a hand through his hair down his face.

“you both aren’t kidding, are you?” chan asks, face still buried into his hands.

“no.”

it’s hyunjin, voice small yet steady, indicating everyone he’s telling the truth and he knows that truth will bring forth consequences. he’s _afraid_, but he’s being honest.

“_holy shit_,” chan curses, in english. that’s a textbook sign of a low right there. “since when?”

minho looks down as the entire group looks at jisung and hyunjin instead. he closes his eyes.

something is burning in his chest. something ugly and angry. minho doesn’t know what, but he finds himself _needing _to calm down.

“a couple of weeks ago.”

minho snaps his eyes open, staring at his own lap. he feels his fists clench as the irrational, unknown ugly fire in his chest goes wilder.

_jisung has been distancing himself from minho and starts latching onto hyunjin since a couple of weeks ago_.

minho finds himself quietly lets out a bitter scoff. so that’s _why_.

“i’m sorry,” minho hears jisung chuckles a little nervously and the older boy immediately whips his head to face jisung because of the _audacity during this situation_. “but why is the atmosphere so damn weird now?”

“why? _why?_” seungmin pipes up, face contorted as he looks at jisung as exasperatedly as when jisung asks a stupid question like if a crocodile and a tiger fight in the sky who will win (and seungmin is always the poor lad at the end of this random, stupid before-bed question). “jisung, you literally just dropped the bomb that you and hyunjin are fucking each other. what did you expect us to respond? ‘oh, damn, that sounds hot. which one of you is better in bed?’”

minho would have laughed at that if the ugly anger he’s so patiently persuading to calm down within him doesn’t distract him.

“i didn’t even know you’re gay. especially you, hyunjin hyung,” jeongin quietly says and hyunjin whips his head around to look at jeongin, eyes bulging with shock at the words. he’s opened his mouth, about to say something, when jisung’s raised voice bursts through instead.

“so that’s the problem?” jisung retorts, this time anger dominates his voice. “you have a problem about two guys fucking?”

“no, hyung, that’s not what i—“

“then what’s the _fucking_ problem? why are you all acting like this is such a big deal?!”

“the problem is not only you break the written rules about us newly debuted rookies, you also fuck your own band mate, _han jisung_,” minho finds himself speaking up, steady and icy, surprising jisung who immediately looks at him with wide eyes. “even in offices husbands and wives are rarely allowed to work together. surely you still have a little amount of rationality to realize the weight of what you’ve been doing instead of your usual panicked anger?”

that’s a low blow, minho knows.

minho exploits his knowledge on jisung’s defense mechanism when he’s cornered: getting blindly angry to both intimidate the opponents and reassure himself. but minho can’t help it, jisung’s attitude—what should minho name it? ignorance? insensitivity?—is too disrespectful to be allowed now.

plus minho still has a mysterious scorching fire burning in his chest, somewhat supplying an unlimited fuel to his brain to just... _snap_.

he doesn’t know what is it, but he’s seriously on the verge of wrath right now if only felix doesn’t hold his hand, soothingly rubs it. that effectively motivates him to hold back.

minho can easily forget how easily scared the younger members are of him. it’s somewhat saddening to see their immediate retreat when minho simply raises his voice. chan has talked about this to him, to control his temper a bit in front of the kids.

“you scare the kids,” he had said.

“the kids” includes hyunjin, obviously and especially, as he’s the kid who got the bitter end of minho’s scolding the most. as the main dancers of the group, minho always has higher expectations for hyunjin, hence why he’s much more stricter to the younger dancer.

every time hyunjin flinches at minho, minho finds himself feeling incredibly sorry and thirsty to immediately comfort him.

not now, though.

the little fucker that’s currently fidgeting right besides minho invites nothing but malice from the older boy. minho wants nothing but to somewhat lash out at hyunjin’s face, and still it frustrates him to no end to not know _why_.

felix holding his hand to soothe him so he won’t lash out is enough for now. _the kids are scared of you, minho, calm down_.

the kids do not include jisung, though. minho definitely has spoiled the boy too much as he’s the only younger member who’s not intimidated by minho’s obvious signs of anger.

like now.

“whatever you just said is irrelevant, hyung. you can’t put our work as idols who live under the same roof in the same standing with office workers. we have an entirely different world here, and your generalization is pure ignorant,” jisung retorts and remember minho trying to control his anger?

fuck that.

“ignorant?! _ignorant_?!” minho snatches his hand away from felix and moves to… he doesn’t know to _what_ but the most important thing right now is to get his hands on jisung. too bad hyunjin immediately wraps an arm around him, though. “you, little shit, should actually look in the mirror and see which one of us nine is the most ignorant right now.”

but jisung doesn’t relent, he stands up with fire in his eyes and points his finger at minho’s face who’s still seated on the ground, held back by both hyunjin and felix.

“what the fuck is your fucking problem, hyung? besides the fact that i’m fucking hyunjin, why are you so damn angry? why is everyone acting like two guys fucking seem like the end of the world?!” jisung yells and minho immediately scrambles to get up, to be on the same level with jisung and ready to show his dominance again as the older one, but hyunjin steadily holds him down.

“hyunjin, _fucking let me go_,” minho hisses, danger trickling down his tone and he’s sure he will be able to intimidate hyunjin one way or another to release him if only _something_ doesn’t slap the back of his head. “ow, what the fuck!”

“stop swearing, asshole,” woojin’s voice is heard and minho looks back to see both of woojin’s slippers missing from his feet. his face shows a definite sign of anger, such a rarity it takes minho off guard. “both of you, sit down!”

“hyung—“

“i said,_ sit down, minho_,” woojin repeats himself, steel ice laced in his voice and minho finds himself unable to resist the aura of authority the oldest member permeates, especially when he’s angry.

he crudely snatches himself away from hyunjin’s hold and sits down, storm still decorates his face. he catches jisung also sits down on the corner of his eyes and woojin’s second slipper is seen right in front of the younger boy.

“great, now that you both rampaging monkeys are seated down,” woojin starts before he inhales and exhales. “we can actually properly talk this out without blasting curses at each other’s faces, can’t we?”

the group is silent once more, but it’s even more uncomfortable than the last. minho sneaks a glance to jeongin who sits right between woojin and seungmin, face down to the floor and fingers fidget nervously. minho also glances at felix, whose fingers mirror jeongin’s. seungmin’s face is calm as usual, but he hugs his knees to his chest, glancing warily to minho and jisung.

the ugly wildfire has been a little toned down by the regretful epiphany that his burst of anger had definitely scared the _kids_. something him, as a hyung, avoids and regrets profoundly.

“i think it’s better for this conversation to be done between me, chan, hyunjin, and jisung alone,” woojin continues. “it’s obviously not the most favorite topic for some of you here.”

despite the fact that woojin’s eyes are dainty, minho can still feel the steeling look the older man pierces at him, threatening him to even try to snap again.

“i think the hyungs should stay,” changbin pipes up. “_i _want to stay. we can give more mature insights regarding this issue.”

“yeah, _right_. so mature.”

minho hears jisung sneers and it’s damn obviously for him.

“jisung, utter one more word and i’ll—“

“you’ll what, hyung? punch me?” jisung interrupts challengingly. the subsided anger minho holds for the sake of the younger members returns in full force as he slides forward and in a blink of an eye traps jisung underneath him.

“minho hyung!” that’s jeongin’s voice, scared.

“hyung, what the fuck!” that’s changbin’s.

“minho!” that’s chan’s, angry.

all voices fall into deaf ears as minho presses jisung’s chest with one knee while his hand holds both of jisung’s wrists together on top of his head, locking the younger boy to the floor.

“you and i have never been in a fight before, have we, jisung?” minho’s voice drips lower and his eyes glint dangerously, as his face got closer to the grunting and cursing jisung’s. “i’m going to fucking show you why you should fix that manner of yours.”

“fuck you!” jisung all but screams before he spits straight onto minho’s face.

_jisung just spit on minho’s face_.

minho hasn’t even recovered from his two seconds shock to fully embrace the _wrath_ taking over him before he feels strong arms pull him away.

“you just fucking spit on me! you disrespectful dog!” minho screams at jisung who’s being helped up by seungmin and jeongin. minho’s limbs are flailing around from two mysterious pairs of arms holding him away.

suddenly, before minho even gets the chance to fully digest what’s happening, a searing pain bursts through his right cheek.

he just got slapped.

he looks straight and sees chan standing in front of him, brows furrowed and face red in anger.

“you’re a mess, minho. what the hell is wrong with you?” chan says lowly, not raising his voice yet minho can hear every bit of angry command in each of his words. “go away and cool down.”

“what the fuck, hyung?! i’m not the one spitting on my hyung’s face, aren’t i?!” minho shouts, something he won’t ever dare to do to his leader unless his entire judgment has been clouded by anger.

“well you pounced him out of nowhere, hyung!”

that’s hyuniin’s voice. and it comes right from his right, super close.

minho looks down and _ah. _hyunjin is the one holding him.

minho leans his face to hyunjin’s, angered yet still laced with bits of fear, as he growls, “i’m going to pounce on you too if you don’t get your hands of me, hyunjin.”

“nobody will _fucking _pounce on anybody, jesus goddamn christ!” chan shouts angrily. he leans closer to minho. “now, unless you can get cool i suggest you leave this room, minho.”

“why are you all crowding me?!” minho shouts the same time arms around him tighten—it’s hyunjin’s and changbin’s, he’s learned. “jisung and hyunjin are the ones fucking up!”

“we’re not ‘fucking up’ anything, goddamn it! we’re just having sex! what’s the big deal for you to lash out like a madman, hyung?! it’s not like we’re having a threesome with your mom, is it?!” hyunjin retorts, still with strong arms around minho.

“you little—“

“hyunjin’s right, minho. you need to calm down. what’s the matter with you?” chan says sternly.

“what’s the matter with me is what they both are doing is fucking _disgusting_,” minho spits, ugly hatred coating his words.

he’s no longer capable of thinking clearly, just blindly spitting words out for the sake of having the last laugh. he’s not going to lose this, his pride _won’t _allow it.

“why the hell is sex between hyunjin and i is disgusting, hyung? you have a problem with guys liking each other?” jisung yells erratically from his side, woojin coming up in front of him to stop him from lashing out.

it seems like the sanity losing is going both ways.

minho should’ve stopped. he’s no longer thinking clearly. his intellectual rationality is no longer present to make sure minho doesn’t say or do anything stupid or reckless.

alas, the raw, unfiltered anger-fueled pride stops him from doing so. he’s angry. that’s for sure. but he doesn’t know why. or he thinks he know why—no, _what the fuck_. he doesn’t know.

he doesn’t know why he’s so mad but he just _is_, and he’s going to lash out, all right.

“yes, i have a problem with guys fucking, faggots!”

minho realizes all too late the damage he has done.

the entire room falls silent all over again, it seems like silences have become quite the dear friends for stray kids in this rainy day off. minho feels the world slows down as the adrenaline filling up his brains slowly subside, his eyes immediately find focus on chan’s face right in front of him, shocked.

minho reluctantly moves his eyes away from only chan and looks at the rest of his mates. all of them stare at him, expressions mirror each other, shock unable to be concealed.

minho feels his entire body runs cold, breaths running short. his anger is fully gone now, panic has taken place instead. he lets the weight of his words sink in, realizing what a disgusting thing that just came out of his mouth.

he feels sick as he fully acknowledges the meanings of his mates’ expressions at him at the moment—shock, betrayal, disappointment, fear.

the worst expression has to be worn by jisung: betrayal mixed with disgust. 

“what the hell, hyung?”

minho feels a pair of arms loosening as he notices hyunjin leans away. it doesn’t take long for changbin to releases his hold from minho too, stepping away with a prominent scowl.

“you just went too far, hyung,” he says.

“i—i… i didn’t—“ minho stutters, breath has been taken away from him.

“get out, minho.”

minho looks at chan, whose face has turned calmer yet even one of the professional leaders according to minho’s knowledge can’t hide the prominent disappointment decorating his handsome face.

“hyung—“

“minho, i’m not going to say it again. you need to get out and cool down now,” chan interrupts, his tone final.

minho takes a breath as he recovers his bearings. he stands still, looking at his members’ expressions. hyunjin has leaned away considerably far from minho, looking away. chan sternly and steadily still has his eyes planted to minho, so do changbin and woojin. their faces speak the same language: disappointment.

the worst thing has to be _the kids’ expressions_.

none of them even want to look at minho. felix, seungmin, and jeongin all stand by jisung’s side, looking down. minho catches felix holding jisung’s hand tight, as minho locks eyes with the hand’s owner.

minho never thought someone can possess so much _hatred _in his eyes until he sees the way jisung’s eyes look at him.

jisung is angry, and honestly minho isn’t new to jisung’s anger. he’s always been one of the most temperamental members and his honesty doesn’t help him concealing his true emotions to his members. to say jisung’s anger is already one of the most common emotions the boy shows is an understatement.

but this time, it’s different. it’s not only anger in jisung’s eyes, it’s hatred and disgust.

now that anger no longer fully clouds over minho, minho finally feels something else as he sees jisung: hurt and sadness. when minho finally notices jisung's moist eyes, his heart has never felt so hollow.

his best friend is looking at him like minho just murdered jisung's pet while lashing out.

well, his _ex _best friend now, he supposes.

“minho—“

“okay, hyung. i’ll leave.”

piercing silence stabs through minho’s ears, brain, and heart as he leaves the dorm, the same silence staying still behind him.

~~

yes, minho is that dumb bastard who’s forgotten it’s raining heavily outside despite how loud it sounds.

so far minho has pretty much relieved the feeling of his teenage emo days simply at the span of less than 5 minutes as he walks away from his dorm, into the elevator, to the lobby and realizes it’s raining cats and dogs out there.

fuck. since when is a day off this stressful?

oh well, what was he going to do anyway? travel somewhere downtown and impulsively do things which are motivated by stress? based on past experiences, that mostly leads to wild drinking, something which most definitely will make minho permanently lose his newly budding career when a wild camera snaps his shitfaced self.

not a very healthy option.

minho decides to walk further into the ground floor area to the empty minimarket.

he can never quite understand why the ground floor minimarket is so empty compared to the minimarkets outdoors, especially the one at the corner of the street that has an overpriced pancake stall that jisung absolutely _adores _and how he always puts on his puppy eyes for minho to buy it for him so that—

fuck. _fuck_. at this rate minho is going to embarrassingly cry as he walks through the aisles browsing stuff.

in the end, he decides to conjure the most spicy cuisine he can make in the limited food options of the minimarket, determined to distract himself from the intense melancholy he’s feeling by probably triggering a lethal indigestion.

at least if minho passes out from a holey duodenum in this minimarket from eating a nuclear ramen with three extra chili seasonings he won’t have to think about what he should do to with the catastrophe he just created upstairs.

the cashier doesn’t even bat him an eye, too used to the idols of jyp who lives in the same building anyway. she simply scans minho’s questionable choices of food and a can of beer before giving them back to minho.

as he sits on one of the stool, waiting for his ramen to be cooked, he lets the entire emotions wash down upon him.

with them, also come the tears.

minho doesn’t sob loudly when he cries, doesn’t make wheezing sounds with his mouth to control his erratic breathing while sobbing. he simply stays still and quiet as tears fall freely from his eyes, with the occasional little hiccups which aren’t that heavy-duty for anyone to easily notice.

_god, what is wrong with him?_

chan literally asked that very question to him twice, _twice_, and minho couldn’t answer.

he still can’t answer.

he doesn’t understand why he’s so insanely mad.

he feels more hiccups bubbling up from within as the frustration, confusion, anger blends together in his head and breeds one simple conclusion: that minho is an insufferable, humiliating mess.

minho allows the hollow vocals of taeyeon’s “four seasons” from the speakers accompany his breakdown as he feels snots about to come down from his nose and before that happens, minho sprints like a madman to the toiletries’ shelves and wipe them off, possibly traumatizing the poor cashier but like hell will minho care.

he crouches down on the floor right in front of the shelves, still holding tissues on his wet face. the cloudy storm still hasn’t left his head.

jisung and hyunjin are sleeping together. okay. that alone is incredibly odd and deserves to be thrown some questions, no? because as far as minho is concerned, none of the members of stray kids have come out as anything but heterosexuals.

especially hyunjin. isn’t he the guy who will miss a vital rehearsal just so he can fully attend his sunday church? isn’t he the guy whose parents send him motivational bible verses at least once a week that will automatically set a good mood for hyunjin until the next verse comes?

is homosexuality no longer a sin in christianity then? because minho is sure as much as hyunjin is all accepting about lgbt—the boy finds lgbt fascinating, even, considering it something so fun to be learned cultural wise—his beliefs will actually prevent him from becoming one.

but still, nothing can defeat the shock minho feels at knowing that all this time, jisung is possibly _gay_.

do… do all the physical affections minho gives jisung all the time affects the younger boy in _that _way at all?

“what the f— fuck…” minho finds himself stuttering the words as he’s still crying on the floor, punishing himself for thinking such outrageous thing even after everything.

even after jisung so clearly looks at minho with such contempt.

even after minho calls him a faggot.

this time, a choked, loud sob manages to break free from minho as he remembers his own doing.

true, hyunjin and jisung sleeping together is that much of an outrageous fact when you've been living amidst of eight supposedly heterosexual boys. but does the revelation deserve a full-blown angry breakdown from minho? does the revelation deserve minho to call hyunjin and jisung with such an inhuman, derogatory insult?

it’s something so horrible beyond words that minho wants nothing but to stab himself in the face for saying such stupid, uneducated insult to his own friends. his own family.

minho feels pain searing in his chest as he remembers how taken aback jisung was when minho called him that. how angry, disappointed, and _betrayed _jisung was.

all this time, minho promises how he can always be jisung’s safe place to return to, how he will listen to all jisung’s stories with judgment. minho remembers how happy jisung was when minho first told him so just several days after their survival, when all nine boys are still swimming in emotions. how those words make jisung wrote minho as his soulmate on their first album.

how from then on, minho is always jisung’s primary choice of friend to go to.

but then a year later, in just in less than fifteen minutes, he betrays the trust he’s so religiously planted into jisung.

minho then remembers how jisung looked at minho the first time minho spoke up after hyunjin dropped the bomb of them sleeping together. minho thought it was simply nervousness in jisung’s eyes, but minho suddenly realized it.

jisung was asking for his help, his understanding. because jisung believed minho would always have his back.

and instead minho almost punched him. plus, he insulted jisung’s sexuality too.

minho cries harder.

jisung will probably want nothing to do with minho now. deservingly so.

what the fuck is wrong with him?

a vibration from his thigh breaks minho from his pitiful breakdown on the minimarket floor. minho snorts his snot before he fishes out his phone from his pocket to see chan messaging him.

bang chan: _where are you?_

lee minho: _ground floor minimarket_

bang chan: _omw_.

minho immediately scrambles up reading that, wiping his face clean with the tissues before he walks back to the table where his ramen has probably turned soggy. doesn’t matter. the intense spiciness minho’s about to give to the ramen will conceal any nauseating stale taste.

he’s stopped crying. he never feels comfortable showing others when he’s crying. even jisung has never seen him cry. the only times when the members saw him cry was during the survival when he got eliminated and when they all was given the word to debut as nine. that was it.

he literally almost punched jisung in the face upstairs and it took two guys to hold him back, but now chan is coming down and minho is crying like a pitiful little child.

minho all but inhales the first spoonful of spicy ramen into his mouth, realizing all too late that it’s way spicier than he had predicted. doesn’t matter. he deserves all the pain he’s about to get now.

the minimarket bell dings, and minho steels himself when he sees chan walking towards him by inhaling more spicy ramen.

chan’s angry face is no longer visible now when the leader finally locks eyes with minho. maybe the traces of tears on minho’s face hasn’t gone completely, as the usual kind sympathy takes over chan’s face the way it would every time a member shares their concerns.

chan smiles a little and walk over to minho, whose cowardice just can’t maintain eye contact that long before he looks back to his ramen and starts chewing.

_fuck, it’s so spicy_.

“it looks like it,” chan suddenly says, again confirming that minho totally said it aloud.

the leader takes a seat right next to minho’s stool, silent. the only sound permeating around them is minho’s aggressive chewing, occasional wet snorts, and red velvet’s “umpah umpah” from the speakers.

minho swallows and when he sees chan is about to open his mouth to probably start talking now that minho’s no longer chewing, the dancer immediately takes one big scoop of ramen and shoves it down his mouth, effectively shutting chan up again.

minho just doesn’t know what to say yet.

but minho should’ve known better. he should’ve known chan has been their father and older brother figure for so long minho’s little rebellious act of denial won’t stop him.

chan puts a hand on minho’s back. not too pressing, it’s gentle instead. gentle and soothing as chan softly squeezes minho’s back.

and just like that, the dam breaks again.

while a spicy ramen is being chewed. so minho decides to postpone his sobs a little longer just so he won’t choke on a spicy food. he’ll _die_.

“slow down, minho. it’s okay, take your time,” chan softly says, looking at minho but the younger won’t return the look. “i’m here.”

minho makes incredibly pathetic sobbing noises as he suffers through the process of chewing the _fucking _spicy ramen.

did minho say he cries quietly?

well, just shove chan right in front of him while he’s crying quietly and minho will immediately break down like goo.

minho forces the ramen down without choking, his heart and mouth are equally hurting.

at this point his tears aren’t only caused by the fact that he has disappointed his peers, but also the fucking spicy ramen.

chan gives him a bottle of water which minho accepts without looking at the leader, washing down the spicy remains torturing his mouth.

he’s still sobbing when he finally chances a look at chan. he sobs harder when he sees nothing but gentleness on his leader’s face, making minho wonders again just how goddamn patient and kind chan is.

“i—i… i fu—fucked up, didn’t i?” he stutters.

chan shrugs and smiles sadly.

“big time, minho,” he answers. “big time.”

~~

when chan and minho finally return to the dorm late at night and minho walks into his four people bedroom, he doesn’t see hyunjin in his usual bed. woojin is sleeping there instead.

minho doesn’t have the courage to check on jeongin and jisung’s bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! the next update will come next saturday, so stay tuned!
> 
> p.s.: i decided to add the chapters because i'm still thirsty for character developments in order to not make a shallow story (not that it's not shallow yet but let's make it less shallow, shall we?)
> 
> PLUS MORE THAN 100 HITS? IM DEAD. THANKS.


	3. shit happens, sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [WARNING] a graphic description of sexual activities. a warning will be given in the form of /// and the part will end with the same symbol.  
hello here’s the third chapter! first of all, i want to apologize for the lack of the homophobic slur warning in the previous chapter, i didn’t know the tags for it existed until one of you reminded me for it! thanks for the reminder and i’m sorry if i’ve triggered anybody badly.  
secondly, sorry for being late:( to compensate it here i present a 12k words of the third chapter! the final chapter is most likely to be this long as well.  
let’s get on to it!

the biggest pile of shit minho has to face after his fuck up is undoubtedly him being the main cause of the entire group’s awkwardness.

the next morning after minho returned home from the teary session with chan, someone had shaken him awake. it must had taken quite some time to get him up, because minho had fallen asleep pretty exhaustingly. see, crying and wallowing in melancholy for more than six hours can mentally and physically exhaust someone and even though the stress is pounding minho’s head, the boy had found it all too easily to fall into slumber.

it was a pretty deep slumber that minho couldn’t even remember if he had a dream at all.

when minho had opened his eyes to a gently smiling chan, eyes warm as ever, the sun shining his face from the big window right next to minho’s bunk, the younger boy had thought the entire commotion that happened the day before was simply a dream.

but when he had noticed chan’s smile was strained, his voice a tad bit shaky, he had realized everything that’s swimming hauntingly in minho’s memory of the previous day like that murderous white shark in jaws, is all _real_.

even though chan had greeted minho with his trademark “morning, breakfast’s ready, come out of the bed, minho”, minho could easily detect the forced liveliness the leader had tried to plant on his voice. it hadn’t work, unfortunately. the voice chan had used that morning was identical to the one he used the day before when he stood by minho’s side every time, offering either murmurs of comfort or just a gentle reminder that minho _isn’t alone_.

but still, the leader hadn’t made any false denial that minho hadn’t fucked up badly.

despite the tears that had threatened to fall from minho’s eyes that morning, simply because the realization weight that what he did was all real and the consequences surely had beginning to unwind, he had felt incredibly grateful of chan.

if you ask minho what would he do when he’s faced the same situation like chan, minho would easily answer that he wouldn’t bother to associate with himself.

minho knows not only that he has hurt hyunjin and jisung personally, he also must’ve hurt chan, because the younger knows how incredibly put off the leader is to people who dehumanize others just because they’re different, and minho had just pretty much spat on chan’s face yesterday.

still, the leader had shaken him awake gently and said softly, “we have a choreo to practice. be ready in thirty.”

minho was still a little dazed when he had looked up at chan, wanting to petulantly reject the idea of having to practice together with the others boys who probably wouldn’t want to do anything with him—

_speaking_ of which, why was the dorm so quiet this time in the morning?

chan must had noticed minho questioningly glancing at the empty bunks which are seungmin’s, changbin’s, and hyunjin’s (or woojin’s, now, minho guesses) as he informed, “the rest have gone first to the studio. don’t worry about it, practice won’t actually start until 45 minutes from now. get ready, okay?”

minho didn’t know if the weird feeling in his chest was relief that he didn’t have to face the undoubtedly hostile vibes his members would had permeated first thing in the morning or the regret that his members actually had left him so they can avoid him (for the first time ever, minho might add, that a member gets _left behind_).

it must had been either out of genuine kindness or obligation as a leader that chan had volunteered to stay behind to wait on minho.

“okay,” minho had said, voice gruff with sleep and a little shaky from tears threatening to burst through. if chan had noticed, he didn’t say anything.

~~

just like how minho had predicted, the entire vibe of the group has been nothing but _awkward_.

starting with chan, the silent hero who must had sacrificed his personal conscience to also leave minho behind like the rest, minho had eaten his breakfast quietly, with chan sitting on the sofa, waiting for him to be finished as the older boy had played with his phone. literally no words were exchanged between them except minho announcing he was done eating and chan looking up, plastering a forced casual smile and said “okay, let’s go”.

but when chan first had opened the door to the studio with minho in tow, minho had realized that chan’s unusual, awkward, yet understandable silence towards minho in the morning is nothing compared to the other seven.

before chan had opened the door, minho could faintly hear chats being floated back and forth from inside the room, undoubtedly the group simply doing mundane things with each other like friends.

_like friends_.

when and after chan had opened the damn door, stark silence immediately plummeted the room, and despite a very compelling impulse inside minho telling him to just root his eyes on the floor, he had found himself looking up to look at his members.

_look_.

one could only wish.

literally nobody was _even_ looking at minho.

changbin, felix, and jeongin were huddled in the center of the studio, heads down as they planted their eyes sternly onto the screens of their respective phones. minho had noticed felix was just scanning his fingerprint to unlock the phone (it was easy to notice, as felix is the member with the unhealthy obsession of having intensely bright phone screen). changbin was laying down, with his phone on his hands above his face and jeongin was fiddling with his own while hugging his knees.

if minho hadn’t heard changbin’s expressive laugh a second before chan had opened the studio door, minho would had thought the three had been on their phones all this time instead of purposefully fishing them out to avoid any obligation to _speak_.

seungmin was nowhere to be found, and so minho’s eyes automatically had gone to the remaining members he hadn’t seen the first time he entered the room: jisung and hyunjin.

the two, expectedly, were together in the corner of the studio, backs turned from the door, automatically from minho as well. hyunjin was crouched, and minho saw from their reflection on the mirror that he was playing with his phone the same time he was talking to jisung.

_jisung_.

even though minho hadn’t wanted to, he had found himself staring at jisung from the mirror, willing jisung to at least pass a glance at him.

and jisung did.

he had looked up for a short second, eyes straight onto minho’s, before he pulled his eyes away.

minho had never felt so hurt by a second long glance before.

there was nothing in jisung’s eyes but exhausted irritation, and the way the younger boy rolled his eyes slightly and sighed visibly before he turned back towards hyunjin had made minho’s blood run cold the same time it boiled when hyunjin had finally spared him a glance through the mirror.

compared to jisung’s, hyunjin’s eyes were less melancholic, less regretful. something else was on hyunjin’s cat-like eyes, and before minho knew it, the younger boy had smirked condescendingly at him before he rolled his eyes—as if minho was this irritating little child he had to deal with—and turned his attention back to jisung.

what the fuck? hyunjin had never, ever, been that brave to minho, _ever_.

the same time minho felt hurt dominating his self because of what he had done to jisung, a strong, unexplainable desire to punch hyunjin’s face because of the younger’s disrespect had also washed in.

“hey.”

minho had almost jumped from surprise as he had finally noticed woojin standing in front of him, with the older’s hand on minho’s right shoulder.

“hey, hyung,” minho had immediately replied, not wanting to waste the chance of one of the members actually _talking to him_.

like chan, woojin did his best to offer a smile, but it didn’t work either way.

after woojin patted minho’s shoulder encouragingly for a couple of times still with that best effort to maintain a smile, the older man had walked away to join changbin, felix, and jeongin. chan had also patted minho’s back gently before the leader approached the four in the middle.

jisung and hyunjin’s private space in the corner remained unbothered, even when seungmin had finally rejoined them from the restroom—eyes widened in surprise when he had first locked eyes with minho right beyond the door before immediately looking away to hurriedly slot himself between felix and jeongin. minho had decided to sit in the other side of the studio, playing neko atsume on his phone.

(minho had frequently snuck glances towards jisung because the game reminded how often both would coo together at minho’s cat collection but as he found jisung had put his head on hyunjin’s shoulder while giggling quietly, the searing pain in his chest returned and minho decided to just embrace the solitary altogether.)

minho had found that solitary wasn’t his best forte, as wild thoughts had invaded his mind as soon as he tried to return his solo attention to the game. what were jisung and hyunjin now? why are they still attached to the hip, as if yesterday they hadn’t just dropped a bomb that they were sleeping together?

why wasn’t anyone speaking up about this?

minho’s pitiful kid-in-the-corner session with abstract thoughts had officially ended when the choreographer entered the room, all the members had immediately put their phones away and stood up to greet the man.

“morning, guys,” the tall man had greeted, which everyone had replied in unison. “do your warm-ups. we’ll start in five.”

~~

learning a choreography is something minho enjoys. he’s just a basic human and like other basic human living in the planet, he feels comfortable within his bubble, within something he knows he’ll do nicely. and nothing beats minho’s comfort bubble than dancing.

at first, minho had sternly planted his feet on the back, contrasting his usual position to be right in front with hyunjin, felix, and chan. the awkwardness hadn’t dissipated and minho had thought how it would be improper emotionally for the others in the situation to stand right in front.

but when the choreographer had squinted his eyes to discover one of the main dancers unable to be found in the front row and immediately called minho up front, minho did his best to conceal the awkwardness currently blanketing him and the group.

be professional.

and for the past three hours of them practicing up to the second half of the song, minho had done just _that_.

minho can easily say that skill-wise, he and hyunjin are on par. when people insists that one is better than another, minho can always answer that both hyunjin and him have different specialties and accents they impose on their dancing. hyunjin, despite how innocently goofy he is on a daily basis—most of times, as nowadays hyunjin has been obviously anything but _innocent_, has always mastered the art of expressions, able to make a dance alive from the versatility of his expressions: fierce, elated, and seductive. he gives his 200% on dancing, always exaggerating moves just right.

minho is the opposite. he always focuses on simply moving to the beat, to move as light as a feather. there are times where he must exaggerate strength to make the moves much tougher, but it has never been the case with minho. despite how intense his face often looks, he always goes on this relaxed state of mind when he’s dancing, as if he’s home.

that’s why minho always manages to make dances seem easy.

but one thing that minho excels just a bit compared to hyunjin is that minho learns dance moves considerably faster than the younger.

however, this time, that skill of minho isn’t something the boy is very proud of because now that minho is the only one who manages to keep up with the choreographer to the fourth bar of the second half while the rest are still on the last bar of the first half, the choreographer delegates minho instead to teach the rest.

(minho doesn’t fail to notice that the boys are learning at a slower pace compared to usual and minho feels guilt eating him up as he speculates that their moods must have been ruined by whatever the fuck happened yesterday.)

minho feels the protective bubble around him burst as his mind halts into a stop.

“we’re going to continue after all of you master the dance until this point,” the choreographer says as he points at minho, who’s frozen at the pose for the last move the choreographer taught. “until then, minho, you do your usual thing.”

usually, minho will have no problems at teaching the rest to keep up with the choreography, with him growing a third eye specifically to monitor hyunjin as the other main dancer. but now, as minho feels the air gets colder when the choreographer walks out of the studio, leaving minho to do what the choreographer told him to do, minho feels like he wants the ground to just swallow him whole.

minho stands up straight, panting, and glances hesitantly at the rest of the members from the mirror right in front of him considering the dancer still has his back on all of them.

_fuck_, what is he supposed to do?

a familiar burst of panic is clouding minho’s head, falling down like a rainfall to fill his tummy, making minho nauseous and light-headed. he’s never been good under pressure, he’s not jisung. he doesn’t know what he should do and to be honest, there’s no better idea than to just yeet himself away at the moment.

“well?”

chan’s voice breaks through the uncomfortable silence as all eyes go to the leader who’s panting and talking towards minho.

“what are you waiting for, minho?” chan continues, gesturing a hand towards minho, beckoning him to come.

minho stares meaningfully at chan for a good three seconds, still through their reflections from the mirror, and sees chan has refused to respond to minho’s obvious call for help.

(not _obvious_, obviously. after all, how obvious can a mere _intense staring _get? chan isn’t exactly a mind reader and minho’s pupils staring at him with the hopes that those orbs manage to convey the true message minho wants won’t do much of a help.)

minho takes a short breath before exhaling and turn back.

_be motherfucking professional, lee minho. you’re not twelve_.

“okay. you know the usual drill,” minho says, immediately switching to his professional voice, effectively surprising several members and even himself that the others stand unmoving for a couple of seconds, except chan, either staring dumbly at minho with open, panting mouths (woojin, changbin, felix, seungmin, jeongin) or looking away (the _obvious_ remaining two). minho claps his hands. “let’s get going, guys, come on.”

that seems to do the trick at waking everyone up.

“the usual drill”, as minho likes to put it, is actually a term he uses to name the usual formations the group usually takes, all adjustable according to the occasion. when rehearsing, then chan and minho will pull away from the formation, standing in the front and the back to observe the others. when learning a dance, then minho, hyunjin, felix, and chan will stand at the front and the rest will adjust accordingly behind those four.

when learning a dance from minho, it means hyunjin, felix, and chan must be _close _to minho, often times forming a circle so they can catch the details nicely. the rest will adjust behind them and the details’ corrections can wait until the four more proficient dancers of the group have mastered the details from minho.

as felix and chan stands on their usual formation near minho—the former seems visibly nervous as hell—minho notices hyunjin still rooted on his position, in the most right position, staring with an undecipherable look on his face.

jisung’s position is right behind him, and neither move unlike the rest to get closer to minho.

minho secretly clenches his fist and takes a calming breath before saying, “you too, hyunjin.”

_even talking this indirectly to hyunjin makes minho wants to punch the guy_.

(weirdest thing is, he doesn’t feel the same violent impulses towards jisung, instead feeling his heart getting stabbed repeatedly every time jisung passes a short yet meaningfully hateful glance towards him or simply acts like minho doesn’t exist.

everyone used to say minho has an unfair favoritism towards jisung, and minho denies them each time because he truly _doesn’t feel that way_. but now that the feelings clouding minho regarding hyunjin and jisung differ quite drastically, minho thinks he needs a period of self-evaluation and retribution regarding his malevolence to the former, considering minho has actually hurt _both _of them.)

maybe later. now minho just kind of wants to headbutt hyunjin for staying still on his position, now completed with a raised, challenging eyebrow.

a completely different stance than what coolly smirking hyunjin did this morning. an even more drastically different stance than the usual hyunjin because the guy doesn’t usually have it in him to challenge minho the professional face puncher.

_motherfucker_.

“hyun—“ minho starts with a heavy inhale.

“hyunjin, come here. we don’t have the whole day,” chan interrupts sternly, and maybe minho should feel grateful because he was sure he was going to snap at hyunjin’s face, which isn’t the wisest thing to do at this moment of friendship crisis.

hyunjin looks at minho square in the eyes, his expression reminding minho of that one time when he and jisung hated each other so much they almost had a fist fight in the trainee practice room.

(how _ironic _the future has become, hmm? now the target of that malicious look two years back is the one standing by hyunjin’s side, looking at hyunjin and _hyunjin only_.

the one sleeping with him.)

minho mentally shakes his head off from the thought as he continues to focus on hyunjin’s disobedient stare. the older doesn’t bother that much to hide his fist clenches for the second time, willingly welcoming hyunjin if this is truly a challenge.

chan opens his mouth.

“hyunjin, do you hear me? i—“

“come on, hyunjin.”

this time, jisung interrupts, snatching everyone’s attention as the rapper has been quiet since the beginning of the practice unless to talk to hyunjin. minho watches as jisung gently takes hyunjin’s hand and prods him to move closer to the rest of the group.

it _fucking burns_ something in him.

minho feels even shittier looking at the gentleness jisung portrays to hyunjin when the younger has done nothing to minho besides sternly avoiding eye contact or glancing hatefully since morning.

jisung’s words work, though, as hyunjin takes a deep, obviously exasperated, breath before approaching the rest, standing in his usual position near minho while jisung moves back to stand near woojin.

minho still maintains the staring contest against hyunjin, neither wants to relent. it obviously causes discomfort, as he soon hears a throat being cleared.

“are we going to start?” seungmin warily inquires, perhaps being all extra cautious if out of nowhere the two main dancers of the group start to actually _fight_.

minho wills himself to calm down as he observes how nervous the kids have gotten, especially felix who’s standing the closest to him at the moment to learn the choreography. the poor boy is idly playing with his fingers, looking straight to the floor, not daring to make any eye contact with minho.

“we’re going to start from the first bar of the second half, as i’ve seen at least felix, chan hyung, and woojin hyung have grasped up to the details of the first half’s last bar,” minho purposefully doesn’t mention hyunjin, the name tastes like bile in his mouth even after just thinking about it. “you all have mastered the basics of the first half, but as of details you can correct them later with the ones i just mentioned. now let’s move on first.”

minho pulls his eyes away from hyunjin who still looks at him with a sharp, blank face, before he turns back facing the mirror and begins counting the steps.

despite the initial turbulence, the rest of the lesson goes by relatively smoothly, chan, felix, and hyunjin managing to keep up with minho’s pace as expected. even though minho can still sense how hyunjin is half-assing his part just a tad compared to his usual performances, minho won’t bite the bait to confront the younger dancer first despite how obvious it is that hyunjin is trying to purposefully annoy minho.

when minho sees jisung has moved from his position near woojin to right behind hyunjin and from time to time poking the dancer every time minho feels hyunjin is staring ill-manneredly towards minho for too long, minho feels that angry fire burning him all over again, completed with an icy sadness cutting him repeatedly.

(it reminds minho of all the times jisung always stays by his side to calm him down whenever he gets emotional, how a loud human bun that is jisung always uses gentleness to cure minho’s frustrations. minho used to think jisung never bothers with anyone else to calm them down, just minho. _apparently minho is wrong_.)

by the end of the lesson around thirty minutes later, hyunjin hasn’t fully mastered all the details minho have taught, expectedly. it’s a rarity, to see chan and felix mastering dances first than hyunjin but assessing the emotional malevolence the younger dancer must have felt at the moment towards the mentor of the dances, it’s a surprise hyunjin still at least follows minho’s instructions and not immediately pounces on the older dancer.

minho kind of waits for it, though, when hyunjin strikes first just so minho can have an excuse to hurt the other boy.

(minho immediately slaps himself mentally for even thinking such hurtful thoughts regarding his own group mate.)

“okay, i got it,” chan exclaims, understandably tired yet confident. he smiles at minho. “you can take a break, minho, i’ll teach the rest.”

minho feels grateful _yet again _for chan who has put extra effort to learn the dance moves faster than usual.

minho sits down, his back against the mirror as he rests, sipping water from his tumbler. he observes how the kids seem to be much more relaxed, albeit focused, as chan begins to take over. he observes how felix asks a question about one of the moves at three bars before, which minho has taught and felix didn’t even bother to raise a hand for a question when he did.

his heart aches at that.

the boys work in relative silence, clearly despite how chan has taken over the wheels now, the awkwardness hasn’t subsided.

despite how minho’s pride stubbornly tell the boy not to, his eyes naturally find their way to jisung, again and again.

now that minho is out of the equation, jisung seems to be a lot braver to be as close as possible to hyunjin, standing right next to him now. he pays a concentrated sight towards what chan is demonstrating and he tries to redoes whatever movements chan does.

_tries_. as jisung finds himself repeatedly asking hyunjin to redo the moves for him to copy and hyunjin is much more than willing to teach jisung several moves until jisung gets it, even by the consequences of hyunjin falling behind.

minho grits his teeth. his mind filled with hatred.

he hates how jisung didn’t bother to ask anything to minho when the older boy was teaching, like felix. he hates how hyunjin somehow gets cockier. he hates how chan is needed in minho’s _own field _to make the lesson effective. he hates how jisung is quiet now, but he always whispers things to hyunjin, always _just _hyunjin. he hates how jisung and hyunjin don’t seem to feel the least bit _guilty _for possibly causing a fraction in the group. he hates how the group doesn’t seem to feel as disturbed as minho is as woojin is casually accepting hugs from jisung here and there and jeongin still welcomes hyunjin’s little teases (that reemerge as soon as minho doesn’t stand in their vicinity anymore).

he hates how despite everything, he still wants jisung to _at least_ take a glance upon him.

he also hates himself at how hateful as a person he can really be. especially towards jisung’s fuckmate.

fuckmate. is that what’s it called?

out of the sudden, a loud curse is heard as jeongin slips and messily regains his composure in less than a second, before making a very comical flailing limbs acrobat and hitting chan in the face from it. the rest of the group goes silent, before a unison of guffaws and teases explode.

minho tries to laugh, because it _is _funny, but he can’t. he finds his heart way too gloomy to even choke out a little laugh. he finds his heart hurting instead as he feels even more isolated with how the group, just several meters away from minho, are laughing and hugging while minho sits down on his own, just looking.

minho wants to cry.

~~

“—that barbecue is way overpriced.”

“i agree, we should save up out budget for other feasts in the future.”

“hyunjin—that goddamn grandma—is collecting coupons, i heard.”

“i’m not sharing it with you all! i only have several of them!”

“stingy ass.”

“hey!”

minho barely hears snippets of animated talk from the lobby as he walks out of the restroom to rejoin the rest. this time, though, there’s nobody leaving anybody, and minho feels a little bit of oxygen enters his choking, melancholy-filled lungs.

(minho thinks it’s most likely because chan _is_ also going to the restroom.)

as minho walks into the lobby, he sees the group huddling in the center, effectively making a scene of themselves in the midst of such a quiet lobby. they even hunch and form a circle, making it seem like they’re some cult plotting.

“so, you all have made a decision?” chan interrupts as he puts his arms around hyunjin and jeongin’s shoulders.

“changbin hyung wants to eat in that barbecue place in hongdae. the one where i bought your birthday feast from, hyung,” jisung answers with an eye roll.

“isn’t that place way too expensive for nine people to eat though?”

“see?! i told you that place is overpriced, hyung. there’s a reason why i only went there for a birthday _and _kept it a secret from you all mooches,” jisung sticks his tongue out towards changbin who scowls.

“well i’m sorry for at least wanting to treat my tummy right after this exhausting-ass practice.”

“as in-debt slaves of company’s credit card i suggest you stop thinking like a silver spoon that you are and start putting on the mindset of a… what? a broke college student who eats instant noodles thrice a week,” seungmin toots in, earning a light slap in the shoulder from changbin.

“brat.”

minho watches the comical banter at least one meter away from the circle, safely assuming his partake won’t exactly be appreciated now. the entire solid isolation of emotional connection makes his heart aches, his eyes burning with their hard attempt to keep tears at bay, and he simply wants nothing but go home and cry as he naps but then he remembers he’s literally rooming with three other people.

he feels so alone even near such crowd, near such people who have been minho’s life for the past couple of years.

maybe minho should take a road home again. he can easily cram the new choreography that’s due two weeks from now in just three days time.

“minho, hey.”

minho flinches a bit in surprise as he sees chan talking to him, snapping his fingers right in front of his face. chan’s face is questioning, and minho sees the rest are also looking at him that way.

minho realizes he much prefers them not looking at him at all right now, as he feels even much more antsy with everyone’s questioningly scrutinizing eyes upon him.

(well, not everyone. even though hyunjin is looking at minho now, with a visible little scowl on his face, his _other half _jisung is looking down, playing with his foot.)

“yeah?” minho shortly replies, his voice a little gruff from staying quiet for too long.

“you coming? barbecue?”

minho instinctively sneaks glances towards the rest, gauging their reaction. woojin doesn’t seem to be as awkward towards minho as previously, as he simply puts on the similar neutral, questioning expression like chan. changbin crosses his arms, as if challenging minho to answer. seungmin’s face is calm, blank, not giving anything away like the boy always proficiently does. felix and jeongin have the same expressions, visibly wary.

hyunjin’s expression is still that of someone who’s waiting for the other to snap and trigger a fight while jisung still looks away, chewing his bottom lip.

_cute._

_wait_, what the _actual_ fuck, lee minho?

(jisung likes to be complimented, but minho is sure that if now minho gives even just a tad bit of an appreciative glance, the younger would most likely spit on his face again.)

in the end, minho decides even though his head is stormy, he can never be an antisocial in this group, considering one way or another they’ll meet each other again in the dorm.

“sure.”

“i’ll buy the drinks,” hyunjin suddenly says, literally really _suddenly says_, right after minho answers. everyone’s eyes automatically find their ways to him, baffled, as hyunjin keeps on talking without _taking his eyes off minho_. “i also have coupons for milkis in the minimarket down the street. we can save up by not buying overpriced cola or whatever’s sold in the restaurant.”

the group goes silent for a while, maybe because for some reason hyunjin still has his eyes on minho, who also doesn’t relent staring right back at him as both mirror each other’s challenging stares.

it’s bound to be weird, obviously, considering hyunjin is by words offering a kind gesture of using his personal coupons to buy the group drinks but his eyes portray a completely contrasted look as if he wants to murder minho right then and there.

it’s about to become even more awkward than it’s supposed to until seungmin—_god bless this rational boy_—speaks up,

“see, guys, all you need to crack hyunjin is simply insult him, then this fake-ass goody-two-shoes will do anything to change that perspective of ours.”

at that, hyunjin finally looks away to blows raspberry towards seungmin, his ominous expression from before immediately replaced by his usual goofiness.

“i’m not going to buy you one then, asshole.”

“language, hyunjin, jesus,” chan mutters tiredly, even though it’s obvious he’s relived to see the murderously intense staring contest between minho and hyunjin has ended. “okay, so hyunjin’s buying the drinks. you’re going to meet us at the barbecue place?”

“yep. see you all later, gluttonous monsters,” hyunjin nods as he mimics a salute, turning his back to walk out the door, leaving with a chorus of “bye” from the rest.

until he suddenly stops and looks back.

“jisung? you coming?”

minho’s eyes immediately dart to jisung, along with everybody else’s. jisung doesn’t seem to be too caught off-guard though, as he looks up calmly and releases the bottom lip from his teeth. he sends hyunjin a charming half-smile.

“sure.”

minho feels his chest goes even more hollow, ice trickling down from the blood vessels in his heart to his entire body. his eyes involuntarily train steadily onto jisung, whose face has brighten up considerably as the boy skips over excitedly to hyunjin’s side.

when hyunjin smiles wide as he welcomes jisung with an arm around the smaller boy’s shoulder and a chaste, playful kiss on jisung’s hair, minho feels his brain just goes into a state of overheat.

he suddenly has an ever stronger urge to _cry _and just be pitifully sad in general.

_why the fuck does he want to cry?_

minho’s steady eyes on jisung and hyunjin fails him to notice the rest are also observing the act… _inquiringly_.

in minho’s one-dimensional ignorance, the dancer seems to have forgotten that the rest were just as surprised as him yesterday when jisung and hyunjin first revealed their dirty little secret. it must’ve been_… odd_, to say the least, when two people who lives under the same roof with you, who had never shown any indication of being gay and had even shown malice towards each other just a couple of years ago to suddenly say that they’re _fucking_.

but not as odd as it is for minho whose heart crushes unexplainably as he sees jisung nuzzles adorably into hyunjin’s neck.

jisung rarely does that to anyone else but minho whenever the younger boy whines for attention as minho teasingly ignores him.

“oh, wait!” hyunjin suddenly exclaims, pulling his face away from jisung as jisung also does the same. “one of you all have to come too. i’m not carrying the drinks.”

minho internally scoffs out bitterly.

_i thought you want to have a teeny tiny cutie date, hyunjin?_

“then why the hell are you buying it, dumb ass?” changbin retorts and hyunjin grins playfully.

“it’s my coupons i’m sacrificing for your throats, that’s enough sacrifice. i’m not stretching it,” hyunjin replies, sticking out his tongue as the other scoff, exaggerating their irritation.

“fine, i’ll go,” jeongin speaks up before he squints his eyes at the others. “i know you all will pull the age card again so before that stalls even more time for us to feast nicely i’ll just volunteer.”

“attaboy, jeonginnie!” changbin exclaims happily as he slings an arm around a scowling jeongin, with the rest joining the commotion to coo over their youngest.

except minho, whose eyes are still trained to a happily smiling jisung observing the group teasing jeongin from beneath hyunjin’s firm grip.

speaking of hyunjin, minho also feels eyes trained on him and—

_voila_. hyunjin is indeed staring at him.

minho’s desire to just throw a damn flower pot to hyunjin’s pretty face has never been as strong as it is now that hyunjin is smirking slightly with a lowered, challenging pair of his cat-like eyes.

what the hell is hyunjin’s problem? is he rubbing the fact that he just stole minho’s best friend in _many ways _to minho’s face?

minho’s train of angry thoughts are interrupted by chan exclaiming,

“okay, okay! we shall stall time no longer, let’s go, guys!”

~~

the barbecue place is filled to the brim, so many people chasing after their lunch nutrients bustling inside the restaurant. it’s to be expected though. the price of the barbecue place is reasonable and it’s located strategically in a business district. all the hungry and angry employees would be _more _than eager to fill their tummy with several servings of reasonably priced samgyeopsal.

fortunately, now that stray kids have feasted in the restaurant for so long even since their trainee days, woojin managed to make a phone call to the owner to reserve a private room for all nine. henceforth, as soon as they arrived clad in their eye-covering hats and masks, they immediately scurried to the back of the restaurant where the privacy of a decently sized room awaits.

“i’m in the mood for some soju,” changbin says.

“it’s literally one in the afternoon, hyung,” seungmin, in all his judgmental glory, squints his eyes at changbin who just shrugs.

“any time of the day is a good time for soju. anyone else wants soju?”

“me,” woojin answers the same time his eyes are still trained religiously to the brochure at the table, showing the newest discounts.

“me too. i think two bottles are enough for us three, we don’t want to get drunk too much when we travel back to the dorm in broad daylight, guys,” chan says as changbin nods and types in two bottles of soju into the tablet attached to their table.

“hyunjin volunteers to buy us milkis using his coupons so we don’t have to waste money to buy drinks here, you all,” felix toots in as woojin chuckles.

“soju is an exception, yongbokie,”

felix pouts before he fishes out his phone and starts playing mobile legends.

minho shuffles on his cushion awkwardly, sitting at the edge of the table right next to chan and opposite to woojin. he doesn’t want to risk it, to sit closely to others except the two whom he’s already certain aren’t as hostile as others towards him. don’t get him wrong, he doesn’t think either felix or seungmin are actually _that _hostile towards him. they’re too kind, and also too scared of minho, in a way.

but they just have a very distinct tell of discomfort whenever minho is simply standing near them, that’s it. minho’s guilt and shame don’t want to intimidate the kids any longer by invading their comfort spaces.

changbin doesn’t even want to look at minho save for the questioning “do you want to go to the barbecue” look back in the building, so sitting near the rapper is a pure rhetorical question.

minho takes a shaky breath, his feelings still jumble up inside his head.

“there’s a discount on ten servings of samgyeopsal, we only need to pay for six servings,” woojin informs as he reads the brochure.

“ten?” changbin pipes up, looking up from his phone. “is it—“

“enough?” chan interrupts as everyone snickers save from minho, who just smiles wistfully. that remark _is _funny, but minho is seriously not even in the mood to be happy at the moment.

“i’m cutting down the eating. i’m not going to like the horrible diet i have to go through afterwards so,” woojin shrugs as he puts on the ten servings package onto the tablet. “you all should too. make ten servings enough, i don’t care how.”

it’s welcomed by unenthusiastic groans from changbin, felix, and seungmin, all demanding their large feasts despite them knowing how ugly the diets will be if they bloat too much, especially nearing a comeback. it sets an even wider smile at minho, who keeps his mouth shut still, feeling like he’s out of place in this friendly atmosphere.

just as the starving trio continues to nag at woojin, begging to order at least three more servings, the door to the private room opens, revealing jeongin carrying two plastic bags, panting.

“oh, hey! welcome back, jeonginnie,” chan greets while changbin starts goofily chanting the “long time no see, long time no see” intro from t.o.p’s doom dada.

“i’m tired, this is heavy,” jeongin whines as he unceremoniously drops the bags to the table, loud thuds emanating.

“well, you volunteered for the job!” seungmin retorts, earning a glare from jeongin who collapses into chan’s lap. “where are jisung and hyunjin anyway?”

“home.”

_that _effectively gains minho’s attention, and also others’.

“what do you mean?” chan asks, confused.

“while at the supermarket jisung complained about feeling dizzy so hyunjin took him home. and i’m the unlucky brother who’s been delegated to carry your drinks,” jeongin flatly explains, idly massaging his arms. “i had to climb two hills to get from the minimarket to this place so you all can drink nicely.”

(“sorry to burst your bubble, jeongin, but the hyungs ordered soju,” felix pipes in.

“jesus christ. you will all receive the end of my wrath anytime soon, you ungrateful men,” jeongin groans exasperatedly.)

the rest of the conversation easily escapes past minho’s hearing. minho can’t focus on anything, his mind blank.

well, almost blank, as he can perfectly think about the fact that jisung and hyunjin bailed at the last minute to go on their own merry ways.

minho has been spending long enough time intimately with jisung to know that _no_, the younger doesn’t just _suddenly _get headaches like the forever sleep-deprived chan, for example. if back in the building jisung was fine, then he would _still_ definitely be fine.

besides, according to how irritated jeongin recounting the story, it’s highly likely that jisung was lying and even jeongin realized it.

lying… so he can spend time _alone_ with hyunjin? away from the group?

it supplies a decent amount of anger within minho. yes, now that jisung and hyunjin are more or less _lovers_—minho’s chest feels unexplainably painful every time minho thinks of that term to label jisung and hyunjin’s current relationship, the same pain minho felt when he saw jisung had latched onto hyunjin instead of him for the past couple of weeks—but that doesn’t mean they can just sacrifice the friendship of the group who also wants to spend time with them, their own family, just to be _lovey fucking dovey _with each other.

minho realizes the irrational wildfire in his chest has started to spark dangerously, and this time minho is too stressed to control it.

it’s because jisung and hyunjin decided to bail out on their group’s activity so suddenly though. _that’s it_, that’s definitely _it_.

he used to have the so-called noble motivation not to put off the kids with his anger but now that the kids won’t even _associate _themselves with him, minho no longer has an anchor.

and the anger, shame, guilt, completed with frustration have bubbled up just a tad too much.

“i’m calling bullshit on jisung,” changbin says, inviting minho’s attention. it’s clear the rapper is irritated because changbin _hates _indecisively lying people, including the ones who change their minds at the last minute like _two particular people that they all know of_. “but well, whatever. at least we have more meat to eat.”

it seems to give closure to the other members’ feelings, as everyone nods and allows woojin to press order on the tablet. 

a silence stretches then, after the order is made. and like a basic millennial that minho is, he fishes out his phone and exploits the electronic device for his personal pleasure which is to avoid facing the aftermath of jisung and hyunjin’s escapade that is awkwardness because there’s a giant ass elephant in the room about how jisung and hyunjin are probably dating their way out of this.

minho also needs a distraction to control his anger that he’s learned to give a proper label to.

_jealousy_.

not that kind of jealousy, though. just, friendship jealousy. just a friendship jealousy because of how jisung chooses to go alone with hyunjin now instead of minho.

yes, friendship _fucking _jealousy.

minho breathes in and out deeply.

minho really, _really_, needs to stop thinking about jisung and hyunjin.

minho’s wish doesn’t come true that often, though, as jeongin suddenly pipes up from his position on chan’s lap.

“are jisung and hyunjin boyfriends now, then?”

welp, that’s just a final bust to minho’s attempt at distracting himself.

minho’s scrolling thumb freezes, and so do his eyes. the twitter timeline he’s scrolling on his phone goes out of focus, yet minho needs to maintain his composure now by pretending like he doesn’t care.

minho has been losing control over his emotions too much since yesterday, and they brought forth catastrophes minho hates to repeat.

minho quietly observes the others, who are also frozen in place before felix speaks up.

“woojin hyung, you talked to them yesterday. is it true then? are they a couple now?”

a very strong-willed voice inside minho’s head screams at woojin to answer _no_.

“no,” woojin says and minho secretly lets out a breath. “well, yes and no.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” changbin exasperatedly asks, which prompts woojin to roll his eyes.

“i don’t know. they don’t say for certain.”

“are they gay, then?” jeongin asks, and minho finds himself unable to find the question offensive due to how innocent the boy looks and sounds. “i mean, they must be, right? considering they’re sleeping with each other.”

“not really, jeongin,” chan speaks up, his stern, fatherly tone takes over that immediately draws all eyes towards him, including minho’s. “sexual orientation labels are just… formalities. because human has a basic need to actualize themselves, to discover themselves. and so most non-heterosexual people find themselves being forced to pick a sexual orientation label when in fact you don’t need to.”

“huh?” that’s felix and changbin, at the very same time, which causes chan to laugh considering how dumb they both sound and look.

minho doesn’t find it in him to laugh. his mind is in tune with the chaotic train of thoughts that is jisung and hyunjin _dating_.

minho has obviously thought about it but now, hearing the question asked out loud, how the others also think the same and choose to speak up, makes minho’s skin crawl.

“in short, jisung and hyunjin’s sexual orientations are none of our businesses, and how jisung and hyunjin channels their sexual and romantic attraction towards other people are also none of our businesses. they’re allowed to do what they like, even if it means sleeping together.”

this time, minho can’t keep shut any longer.

“how can you say that?”

“ah, shit, here we go again.”

minho snaps his head right to changbin, who looks at the dancer with such exasperation, raising an eyebrow at minho.

if this is a normal occasion, minho won’t hesitate to throw a chopstick to changbin’s face for acting so damn disrespectful.

but this isn’t a normal occasion. minho just had an irrational outburst yesterday and this is him, as one of the hyungs, trying to make amends by asking a very rational question for the group’s sake.

or so he thinks.

“it’s a perfectly rational question—“ minho starts slowly, trying to be as calm as possible, before changbin rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“yeah, _right_. a perfectly rational question coming from a _homophobe_.”

that cuts minho’s heart in even more ways he thought it’s possible.

“i’m not a homophobe,” minho says timidly, unable to raise his voice because he knows how frail it sounds now.

he hates being accused of being such a lowly hater. yesterday was a _fucking _mistake. he’s not a homophobe, he really _isn’t_.

minho definitely wants to cry now that he knows how low the younger members of the group must’ve thought about him.

sensing things are about to turn badly, chan grips minho’s wrist, hard enough to sober the dancer up.

“be quiet, changbin,” minho hears woojin reprimanding changbin. the oldest of them all turn to look at chan. “i think it’s best for us not to talk about jisung and hyunjin any longer, hmm? whatever they both are doing that may affect our career professionally have been considered deeply by chan and i suggest you all to start trusting his perspectives on this deal, understand?”

minho feels the accusation before he hears it and he immediately locks eyes fiercely with woojin.

“are you saying—“

“minho,” chan starts.

“—that i’m not trusting chan hyung because—“

“stop.”

“—i really—“

“ten servings of samgyeopsal!”

the restaurant ahjumma opening the door, bringing a big tray of raw food the boys have ordered. when she looks up from her tray and observes the chilly, awkward silence that’s engulfing the room, she snickers nervously.

“um… you ordered this, didn’t you? i’d hate to bring a wrong order,” she asks and woojin abruptly looks away from minho’s stare that’s beginning to turn glassy from uncontrollable tears to give a friendly and faux smile.

“of course, ahjumma. thank you for bringing it to us.”

the ahjumma is visibly brightened by the usual display of friendliness as she puts down the tray, exchanges a few small cooing teases with jeongin and seungmin, her favorites, before she mumbles an “enjoy” and walks out of the room.

as the door shuts, the fake liveliness the boys were displaying is immediately replaced by the awkwardness from before.

at least, when everyone’s attentions were all collected by the ahjumma, minho manages to wipe the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes discreetly.

he feels like _shit_ and he really wants to go home.

to his parents’ house, where he doesn’t have to face anyone else in this room. and maybe cry to his mother’s lap.

woojin must’ve expected minho to continue his words from before but the dancer doesn’t do or say anything else besides starting putting the meat onto the frying pan.

minho refuses to look at anyone for the remainder of him assisting woojin—who has stopped staring inquiringly at minho—at cooking for their part of the table.

minho also notices how even though he has shut his mouth now, the awkwardness is still there, with the group just quietly grilling their meat, no usual banters or chats exchanged between them.

and it’s all because minho can’t control his _fucking mouth_.

god, why does everything minho do recently have been nothing but fuck-ups after fuck-ups? why can’t minho be the reliable hyung everyone agrees on like before? why can’t minho says things that turn into solutions for the younger members’ problems instead of making yet another emotional baggage in the back of their heads?

his head is hurting and minho feels his eyes are watering again. knowing this time he won’t have the same opportunity to discreetly wipe his tears off like before, he purposefully leaned closer to the grilling pan so the smoke can visibly hit him square in the face.

he pulls several tissues to exaggeratedly wipe his eyes, making it seem like he’s only crying because of the smoke.

(_he doesn’t, the smoke is 99.9% innocent_.)

it works, nobody mentions it nor do they steal glances towards him, and the silent goes on.

however, minho should’ve known by now that when you’re being a shit, your entire life mostly goes like shit.

considering minho hasn’t atoned himself for yesterday, then as of now, he’s still a shit about to get shit.

shit comes in the form of chan leaning in closer and whispering very, very quietly, “are you okay?”

well, guess the tear masking act isn’t working too well after all.

“i’m fine,” minho answers shortly, refusing to give the leader his attention by keeping his eyes sturdy on the meat.

chan goes silent as minho busies himself with plating the cooked meat and letting woojin distribute them.

his silence doesn’t take long, though, as chan says again, “you’re not.”

“that’s a very clever observation, hyung,” minho snippily retorts, still in a very low voice so that no one but them hears it. he immediately regrets saying so as soon as it comes out of his mouth. “sorry.”

“it’s okay.”

minho can’t talk any longer. he’s going to _cry _if he speaks even one word out.

so he stuffs himself with a wholesome wrap that bulges through his cheeks before he continues cooking the rest of the meat.

everyone eats as quietly as him.

“minho,” chan starts again and minho just wants to shove a wrap to his mouth so he can _shut up_. “may i offer you a peace of mind?”

_no._

but minho doesn’t want to disappoint chan further with his erratic behavior. he needs to make amends. he needs to make it looks like he’s not an unstable ball of angry human by snubbing his own leader who has been nothing but kind and understanding since yesterday.

so minho defeatedly shrugs.

“you’re all angry like this because you’re simply confused.”

well that isn’t what minho was expecting.

minho frowns skeptically, turning his baffled face to chan as he continues to chew his wrap. chan looks at minho as confident as ever, with sturdy eyes.

“you’re confused of your feelings, minho. either for hyunjin, or jisung.”

minho is seriously _this _close on choking.

minho’s about to laugh it off as he finally swallows the wrap, just because of the sheer ridiculousness of chan’s statement and the prospect that the leader is mostly joking.

but chan’s face stays serious, and when the group finally breaks out into animated chats, oblivious to the tension between the two at the corner of the table, minho’s ears stay mute.

“hyung, i’m not ga—“

“you’re not,” chan interrupts. “but you’re still a human who’s capable of liking someone.”

the reply catches minho off-guard and the dancer has no further idea on how to properly respond. he simply sits there in an ice cold air blanket, watching dumbly at chan before the leader finally takes a pity on the dancer and looks away to eat.

_you’re not gay, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a human who’s capable of liking someone_.

minho feels fucking nauseous. a tell-tale of a torturous migraine is starting to appear on his forehead.

chan starts again, “minho—“

“please, hyung, don’t talk to me right now.”

it effectively stops chan from prodding even further as he takes a sympathetic nod before leaning away to eat his meat.

minho feels grateful for that as chan joins the talk of the group, distracting everyone so they can’t see minho pinching his nose bridge in a teary frustration.

_a peace of mind, my fucking ass_.

minho keeps on eating his meal quietly, albeit the stale taste dominating the then tasty samgyeopsal. minho is tired, his body worn down from learning the choreography, and a good meal is supposed to be something he’s looking forward to.

but everything tastes like bile when there’s a haunting thought in minho’s brain that he might like jisung or hyunjin. and no, supposedly he doesn’t like them in the way he likes the other members as his family.

supposedly, he likes one of them as in he wants to hold their hands and plants soft kisses while cuddling together in a warm, fluffy blanket.

and the thing is, minho kind of _knows _which one of them both that he desires that way.

but it feels way too abrupt. too sudden. too drastic. too heavy it’s ready to pull minho’s sanity down the center of the earth with the epiphany of that so-called feeling.

no, minho isn’t ready. he’s not up to be quiet in his mind and think about it anytime soon. probably never. he won’t ever be ready. he _prefers _to be not ready.

fuck, he can’t do this anymore.

after finishing just half a serving of samgyeopsal, so uncharacteristic of the forever gluttonous minho, the dancer decides to give in to his heart’s cries since the morning he’s pushed onto facing his members.

“i’m going to go,” he says in the middle of animated loud talks between the other members. the talk immediately dies down and everyone looks at him, although this time minho has no capacity left in his tired brain to analyze any of their expressions hence why he steadily looks everywhere but _the members_.

“so soon?” woojin asks, concern obviously lacing his voice.

minho feels the strongest urge to just collapse into woojin’s hug. he has most definitely disappointed the older boy, that’s for sure, but minho should’ve known that woojin doesn’t have that much of a capacity in him to stay mad for too long.

that’s just how amazingly kind he is.

“i’m not hungry. i’m not feeling well either,” minho answers flatly, voice still distracted as if he’s not talking to the people in that very room. “got a headache.”

that’s not a complete lie either. the migraine is currently attacking him fully and minho has never been that strong to resist sleeping off a migraine.

the uncomfortable silence engulfing the group is soon broken by changbin, who casually continues eating, not giving a fuck about what minho just said.

changbin is definitely the member who will most likely punch minho in the face anytime now.

“okay,” chan speaks up, a gentle smile decorating his face as he puts a hand on minho’s shoulder. “rest well, minho.”

“thanks,” minho answers curtly as he stands up and gathers his things, ready to walk back home.

he doesn’t miss the way felix, seungmin, and jeongin looking at him warily as they’re still putting their eating on pause. he also doesn’t miss how woojin looks at him with the same worry, yet thicker with understanding.

he most definitely doesn’t miss changbin just keeps on eating, an air of not caring surrounding him.

minho’s heart hurts.

~~

lee minho: _mom_

mama: _Hey, sweetie! What’s wrong?_

lee minho: _uhhhhh nothing??? just wanna say hi_

mama: _Well, hello to you too then, darling. _

lee minho: _yeah._

lee minho: _so_

lee minho: _what are you doing_

mama: _Oh, you know, the usual. Cleaning the stinky poo of my grandchildren._

lee minho: _:D_

lee minho: _can i see them? please record a video of them_

mama: _Sheesh, this kid. Okay, wait, I’m going to try to locate Dori._

lee minho: _:3 thanks mom. you’re the literal best_

mama: _Now you’re complimenting me_.

lee minho: _:>_

mama: _[video attached]_

lee minho: _UWU THANKS MOM YOU’VE NO IDEA WHAT A GREAT FAVOR THIS IS_

mama: _Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, little brat._

lee minho: _i’m not little????_

mama: _You forever will be in my eyes, Lee Minho_.

lee minho: >:(

mama : _Kekeke._

mama: _Anyway, the kids have been meaning to tell you something._

lee minho: _oh, now my cats are talking?_

mama: _Don’t judge me like this._

mama: _You’re the one who spent two hours talking to them the last time you came home_.

lee minho: _it was a therapeutic ted talk_.

mama: _Weird._

lee minho: _MOM I’M YOUR SON DON’T INSULT ME_

mama: _Kekeke._

mama: _Back to the topic. The kids have been meaning to tell you something._

lee minho: _which is???_

mama: _“Whatever it is bothering your mind, they hope you can solve it soon. Remember life is simple. Identify the problem, find the solution, do the solution. Don’t live with too many regrets.”_

lee minho: _…_

lee minho: _that sounds too intelligent to be thought by three lazy cats_

mama: _It’s called love, Minho._

lee minho: _whatever._

lee minho: _how do you even know i have something in my mind_

mama: _I’m your mama, Minho. I carried you with blood, sweat, and tears for nine months straight like I have planet Jupiter in my tummy. Trust me, I know you_.

lee minho: _:’)_

lee minho: _ily_

mama: _I love you too, baby._

~~

the quietness that has since accompanied minho after he departed the restaurant is both welcomed and unwelcomed. welcomed, because he doesn’t really have to sweat out much to blend himself with the other parties. unwelcomed, because now he doesn’t have the required distractions to stop his mind from running wild.

chan said he was going to offer minho a peace of mind, a way to appease all the demons inside minho who’s eager to torture both the host and the people surrounding the host. minho, as naïve as he is, readily accepted chan’s offer.

informing minho that he possibly likes _han jisung _romantically is definitely _not_ a peace of mind. it’s yet another demon of mind that supplies a somewhat unlimited amount of stress to minho’s fragile psychological being at the moment.

(minho doesn’t bother to interrogate himself on his decision to suddenly replace _either hyunjin or jisung _with one _han jisung_. he no longer bothers to scold himself for thinking about such things because he has no energy left to fight with the natural impulses his subconscious do. including convincingly saying minho might like jisung in a way that’s definitely not heterosexual nor platonic.)

the sixty thousand dollars question is now this: does what chan imply true?

does minho like jisung in a way minho used to like momo when he was just a trainee and she was already a debuted idol senior who dances like a machine it also operates the love hormone inside of minho’s brain?

but… minho’s not _gay_.

he has never liked anyone other than girls. true, he doesn’t like anyone romantically that often, but all the few people he’s been attracted to are all _girls_.

and jisung has never been anything more than a very, _very_ close friend who minho just likes to hug, cuddle, and piggyback. a close friend who makes minho’s thoughts filled with desire to pepper him with soft kisses across the face, to hold his hand anytime, anywhere.

that doesn’t automatically say _attraction_, does it?

minho finally sees the street lamp that marks the beginning of a 5 meter walk towards the dorm building and minho just wants to run fast so he can bash himself to the lamp.

but he has a comeback scheduled. he might’ve ruined the friendship he has with his members but he shouldn’t ruin his face too, right?

minho laughs bitterly at the dry humor.

_jesus mother mary just kill me already_.

at least seeing the video of his three children was enough to appease himself just a bit.

the lobby is quiet, as usual. so is the minimarket, as nobody ever goes there. minho steps into the elevator and rests his head to the wall as he closes his eyes, immersing the music that’s playing on the speakers. minho doesn’t know what’s the music called but it reminds him of the soundtrack of the sims 1 so he just names it “the sims 1 soundtrack”.

minho’s been through much of a mind fuck to even mind the fucking elevator music.

the elevator dings and minho walks through a yet another empty hallway, his soles echoing throughout. the emptiness doesn’t do much at emptying his mind, though, all the thoughts are now jumbled up like a crushed lego castle which edges are ready to stab anyone in its vicinity.

those thoughts are now doing incredibly well at stabbing minho’s brain to create one giant ass migraine.

minho opens the door to a quiet and empty dorm, the dinging on the door becoming the only sound. even after all this time, minho still finds it incredibly odd to see the dorm so empty. true, there are times when minho has to stay at home all day alone, and even then it still feels so weird and uncomfortable.

a big dorm that’s made to accommodate nine people simply can’t do with just one human being residing inside.

but minho knows at the moment he will feel even more alone surrounded by the rest of the members instead of being literally alone.

at least the non-existent residents of the dorm makes it possible to consume two paracetamols without guilt to just pass out straight to tomorrow.

minho strides into the kitchen, seeing the usually lively room bustled with forever hungry growing boys empty. the boy immediately opens the overhead cabinet near the sink to find a medicine box where he wastes no time in procuring a bottle of paracetamol pills.

minho takes two of those white pills gingerly before he turns on the clean, empty sink to get a glass of water. minho doesn’t think much about the empty sink, even though minho remembers very clearly he hadn’t washed the dishes after breakfast.

minho chugs in the pills before he looks back down to the sink right ahead of him.

seungmin, the neat freak that he is, has probably taken initiative to clean the dishes.

minho sighs deeply as he runs water through his face before turning back to walk to his room and just—

wait.

wait a second.

none of the boys have gone home to the dorm from the building, and that obviously includes seungmin.

then who the fuck…

“jisung.”

…

is that hyunjin’s voice minho just—

…

_fuck._

_fuck._

_fucking shit goddamn fuckety fuck._

minho has totally forgotten jisung and hyunjin had gone home from the minimarket.

exactly the two people who are being the main causes of stress in minho’s small head are within minho’s vicinity right now when minho’s original purpose in coming home is to be _fucking alone from the thoughts of jisung and hyunjin_.

minho is sure that even the couple of paracetamols he just ingested won’t be enough to block out the insomniac thought that jisung and hyunjin are in this house, near him.

minho can’t do this now. he really, really needs to yeet himself out of this, preferably without neither jisung or hyunjin noticing he’s _ever _here. he really needs to get away as far as possible. he can’t face either of them alone now, definitely not.

minho feels panic bubbling as he tries to quietly hop over quickly to the door so he can go straight to the jyp building, maybe sleep in the studio for—

“jisungie.”

minho stops dead in his tracks, right in front of the wide open door of the four people room he shares.

on any other time, minho won’t find himself completely frozen, unable to even lift a finger when jisung’s familiar nickname is mentioned. on any other time, minho won’t find his blood run icy cold when jisung’s familiar nickname is mentioned, even by hyunjin whom he _dislikes _greatly at the moment. on any other time, minho won’t find himself paralyzed with shock that causes his eyes to bulge so big when jisung’s familiar nickname is mentioned by hyunjin.

but on those other times, hyunjin had most definitely not _moaned _jisung’s familiar nickname.

///

minho hearts is heartbeat beats faster, the small hairs on his skin standing up. this can’t be happening. what’s inside minho’s mind is definitely not happening.

a loud, guttural moan echoes throughout the empty dorm followed by hyunjin groanings, “jisungie— ah.”

minho has heard of this a lot. in porn videos, mostly. this is a textbook sex sound.

minho can’t be here any longer. he wills himself to calm down, to breathe in deeply, to let the oxygen reenter his limbs so he can move them again.

minho simply thinks because it’s going to be utterly _humiliating _to be exposed as someone who eavesdrop on someone having sex.

he tries so hard to deny the stabbing pain in his chest, especially now that he knows _why _does that pain exist in the first place.

he’s not going to be here to spectate painfully any longer.

minho finally finds the strength in his legs again as he steps forward, passing through his own room door. just outside of this little corridor, he’ll see the living room again where he only needs to turn left to find the door. he’ll be fine.

“g-god— fuck.”

minho doesn’t know what is wrong with him, but that louder moan has effectively paralyzed him all over again.

maybe it’s because it comes straight from the door right next to him. the door to the shared room of chan, woojin, and felix.

the wanton sounds hyunjin makes are not stopping, _at all_.

“hah… hah… hnng—“

minho turns his head to the side, looking willfully at the apparently slightly ajar door.

…

_fuck no_. no.

minho should leave. he can’t possibly think of spying on jisung and hyunjin having sex. the idea alone is strong enough to repulse him.

but why does hyunjin’s pleasured staccato moans only lure him closer to the door?

“j—jisungie,” hyunjin moans again, and minho releases a very heavy, hot breath as he finally gives in and stands in front of the door, peeking through.

the small space doesn’t do reveal much, just scattered laundries at the floor, the messy heap of yet another laundry on another corner, and…

and woojin’s bed, right facing the door.

along with the people on the bed.

hyunjin is seated on woojin’s bed—or _his _now, minho supposes—clad in the same navy green t-shirt he’s worn to practice earlier this practice. his entire face is flushed, his hair messy, his mouth opened just slightly, breathing out little, pleasured moans.

minho’s eyes are immediately focused on where hyunjin has trained his right palm. right on top of someone’s head.

_jisung’s head_.

jisung is kneeling, right between hyunjin’s bare, milky pale legs. he’s shirtless, only wearing the pair of sweatpants he’s also worn to practice.

minho can’t see his face, though, because jisung’s face is _buried deep _in between hyunjin’s legs.

“ah— feels so good, jisungie,” hyunjin groans, head thrown back in pleasure as minho watches him biting his bottom lip. “you always feel good.”

minho feels his eyes tremble from hyperfocus as his sight drifts down to the sole male figure planted on hyunjin’s crotch.

jisung’s head is bobbing up and down. wet, loud noises echo throughout the room as jisung seems to have an iron grip on hyunjin’s calves, still sucking audibly.

minho feels his brain short-circuits as he finally realizes the sticky situation he’s found himself in.

he’s currently watching jisung sucking hyunjin off.

his eyes train sturdily onto jisung, still bobbing enthusiastically as hyunjin breathes rapidly yet loudly in pleasure.

minho gulps the same time hyunjin moans loud before he breathily says, “i’m going to fuck your mouth now.”

minho’s eyes widen as he clenches his fists.

before he knows it, hyunjin pulls jisung’s messy hair back, pulling jisung off from him with a very loud pop.

“is that okay?” hyunjin asks while staring at jisung darkly, a look minho has never seen before on the boy’s face. _predatory_. hyunjin bites his bottom lip again before he pulls jisung’s hair harshly, earning a broken whimper as jisung breathes out, “yes.”

minho’s breath gets caught in his throat as his mind processes what he just heard.

that is the first time minho hears jisung speaks so lewdly, so… defeated.

_desperate. pleasured_.

minho’s breath gets hotter and heavier as he feels his crotch getting tighter.

“what’s that?” hyunjin asks again, dark pupils visible even from minho’s position as he yanks jisung’s hair one more time.

“hnng— hyunjin,” jisung whimpers so brokenly again and minho’s breath stutters. “y—yes.”

hyunjin smirks in satisfaction before he pulls jisung back to engulf him, all in one go.

a choked, surprised voice is heard, and minho’s eyes widen at how _rough _hyunjin treats jisung.

jisung is choking audibly now, and with that also comes the lewd, wet sounds of an obvious oral sex, as minho watches how hyunjin’s hand harshly stays in jisung hair, to keep him steady as hyunjin continuously fucks jisung’s mouth.

“jisung… you look so fucking pretty.”

jisung moans a desperate, helpless, choked whine at that.

minho resists the urge to moan. he also resists the urge to move his hand to his crotch and instead he closes his eyes, to calm his breathing.

it doesn’t work. he can only imagine jisung’s _pretty face_, kneeling in front of him, face stuffed with _minho’s dick_.

“you look so fucking pretty crying getting fucked in the mouth, jisungie.”

minho definitely wants to _moan_ as he imagines it’s _him _on hyunjin’s place—it’s _him _fucking jisung’s mouth.

it’s _him _seeing how pretty jisung’s crying, pleasured face is.

minho feels himself getting hotter as sweat starts to bead on his forehead as he wills himself to open his eyes again.

hyunjin has both his hands on jisung’s head now, gripping strongly as he picks up the pace. jisung chokes even more, yet minho sees jisung’s left hand releases hyunjin’s leg and goes downwards to rub himself through the sweatpants.

_fuck._

minho clenches his fists harder as his mind goes awry, watching jisung starts to desperately grind into his own palm as he matches paces with hyunjin’s.

“you like it that much, don’t you, jisungie?” hyunjin says with a smirk before he slams his hips harder straight into jisung, a loud choke reverberating throughout the room.

minho feels his own hand right in front of his crotch, touching but not quite. he has his mouth hanging slightly open, basking in the pornographic view of jisung’s lithe body being controlled in a very submissive position as the boy kneels and _rubs_.

“hnng—“ jisung’s choking moan is heard.

minho can’t hold himself any longer to not rub himself.

hyunjin breathes heavier, the trace of smirk gone from his face as he looks down straight to jisung, eyes dark, face full of lust. minho can’t seem to focus on hyunjin any longer though, as he immediately catches jisung’s rubbing on himself gets faster, harder.

_god_, jisung is so desperate and minho feels so _fucking _hot seeing that.

seeing his _sweet_, little jisung lewdly choking on a dick and rubbing himself from it, trying to chase after the pleasure so fucking needily.

hyunjin groans louder and minho’s eyes automatically go to him. hyunjin’s eyes are closed, face scrunched up in absolute pleasure as he keeps pounding into jisung’s mouth.

until his eyes snap open to the door where he locks eyes straight to minho’s.

minho feels air has been punched out of his lungs.

minho’s natural instinct tells him he should _get the fuck away _right now.

but he doesn’t, because he _can’t. _he’s too frozen by shock.

and the shock increases even more when hyunjin’s mouth curves into a smirk as he pounds into jisung even harder, eyes still planted straight into minho’s shamelessly.

minho involuntarily widens his mouth, staring dumbly at hyunjin whose dark face has turned even more sinister, catching minho off-guard.

“it feels great, jisungie. you always do well,” hyunjin licks his lips towards minho before he looks back down at jisung with an endeared smile, contrasting the rough abuse he’s currently inflicting on jisung.

jisung, who’s breathing out muffled, chokes whines. jisung, whose body twitches incredibly as minho can see his hand moves faster on his own dick.

“you’re mine, aren’t you, jisungie?”

minho stops breathing the same time jisung’s loud, muffled cry is heard when hyunjin buries himself to a hilt, groaning in pleasure.

minho’s hand drops itself from his crotch as the words echo in minho’s brain.

_you’re mine, aren’t you, jisungie?_

minho bites his lips, as a fiery desire fuels his entire body. he quietly steps back as he closes his eyes and draws a breath, the dorm still quiet save from the muffled cries of pleasure from jisung as minho predicts the boy has probably reached his climax.

minho leans onto the wall and stares at the still ajar door in front of him blankly, hollowly.

///

when hyunjin finally lets go of jisung, the younger of the two still choking with a pained throat, minho is no longer standing in front of the door nor is he found inside the dorm.


	4. sharing is loving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter hasn't been proofread, so i'm sorry if there are typos or incorrect grammars.

the cold registers itself first, dominating the ordinary senses of the mortal withholding the feelings. and then the dark. the dark comes after the cold, mercilessly plunging his mind deeper and deeper. it’s cold, and dark. even sound doesn’t come through, pitifully mimicking a freaking space outside the earth, maybe. but minho knows he’s not outside the planet, being thrown around like a ragdoll by gravity because at least even in his exhausted state of mind, he still registers the abundant oxygen he can still absorb through his nostrils.

one groggy effort later, and lee minho finds himself blinded by an immense amount of light that’s enough to send him groaning and thrashing wildly. and that’s another way to finally register the hard pain his body experiences—well, not that hard. he’s just being dramatic. simply dully aching?

as minho finally stops trying to cover the blinding light from his eyes, he finally digests the fact that he’s lying in the middle of the practice room.

_what the fuck am i doing in— oh. right._

the whole blowjob thing.

minho groans again for the second time, and louder for the third time when he tries to sit up and his back cracks loudly. he side eyes the glaring black sofa on the other end of the room.

_why the hell did i sleep on the damn floor_.

gathering his willpower to get up, simply because he has to, he finally manages to ignore the pitiful cracks of his joints as he stands up.

as soon as he done that, though, he feels the world spin.

_okay, no._

minho immediately scrambles to the nearest wall to sit down, immediately regretting his brash decision to stand up so abruptly after lying down for god knows how many hours. he feels his ass clashes painfully to the wooden floor but at least the boy is far too distracted to calm the blood flow into the brain and try to whisk away those dots of lights spamming his eyesight.

with fingers massaging his temple and eyes shut close forcefully, minho reels his mind away from the completely forgettable dream world where minho can’t even recall a single speck of his dream (a good thing, probably, because the cynic in minho believes his impulsive little mind will be _that _merciless to supply him back-to-back nightmares as the follow up for the mishap he puts himself in for the past days). the dizziness starts to ebb away, yet the sour realism which takes control of his mind’s imagination soon comes along, willing minho to beg the dizziness to stay a little longer, _you’re much more welcomed than_…

minho sighs.

jisung kneeling. jisung’s hair. jisung’s sounds. jisung and hyunjin. hyunjin’s moan. jisung putting hyunjin’s…

“god, fuck, dammit! give a man some mercy in the morning, will ya?!” minho exclaims suddenly, eyes flying open as he glares up. he picks a random lamp attached to the ceiling and puts out his middle finger towards it. “fuck you, universe. i never want to imagine such a thing in the morning so will you… i don’t know? chill the hell out?!”

but again, minho hasn’t exactly been on the best terms with the universe as the imagery becomes crystal clearer than ever before.

jisung’s grabby hands. jisung humping desperately yet vainly. jisung choking. jisung moaning. hyunjin grasping jisung’s hair. jisung moaning harder.

the too-cold room feels a lot warmer, and minho’s pants are getting tighter. his morning wood hasn’t even found its calm yet and minho’s eardrums are filled with the wanton sounds emanating from the bedroom.

minho feels his dick twitches, and that’s a clear go for him to fiercely shut his eyes to start his pitiful breathing regulations.

breathe in, breathe out. breathe in, breath out.

_“jisung,” minho recalls hyunjin says it breathily._

breathe in, breathe out.

_“hmph,” jisung moans, mouth stuffed with his bandmate’s dick._

breathe the fuck in, breathe the fuck out.

_some rustlings are heard as minho remembers jisung wiggles lightly on the floor, trying to find relief_.

breathe the fuck in, lee minho, then breathe it out. no_, no,_ _those hands are not going anywhere near your dick. _minho’s hands turn to fists as he clenches tightly, willing the not-enough pain to banish the morning arousal away.

_“you’re mine, aren’t you, jisungie?”_

_and minho sees himself saying that, instead of hyunjin_.

his eyes fly open and he immediately finds one hand to slap the living shit out of himself.

“what the actual everloving fuck. what the fuck. what the bloody fuck.”

after desperately supplying his own mind with a series of irrelevant yet distracting images—like dori dying, perhaps, that’s enough to weaken his dick just a bit—he sighs heavily and realizes he can’t be alone like this anymore, he can’t be left alone to his own mind.

he needs to do something. fling himself into han river, preferably, but he doesn’t want to die young. he only had sex once, and that was his first time, and it _sucked_. so for his sanity’s sake, he prefers not dying before having one good sex, at least.

_one good sex with jisung?_

“yep, we’re done here,” minho flips himself off as he hastily stands up, ready to march back to the dormitory and procure some liquor secretly on the way so he can passes out drunk to avoid any lingering stares and invasive questions he’ll surely get considering he’s gone to turn off his phone as soon as he arrives in the building.

his fiery determination to march out with squared shoulders and shut lips is cut short, however, by the sound of the practice door opening across from him.

if the sound and the movement of the door opening itself aren’t enough to cut his thoughts as abruptly as getting hit by a car, the apparition of hwang hyunjin entering the room is enough to shut down his entire fragile soul.

the boy has changed his attire, minho notices. he’s now wearing a crisp white t-shirt, tucked into his black skinny ripped jeans with a leather belt circling his dainty waist. he’s holding a black denim jacket on one hand, as another works to close the practice door behind him.

he looks good. fresh. straight out of a magazine photoshoot.

minho doesn’t even need his glasses to identify the ghastly reflection of him from the mirror right across the room.

hyunjin stops right in front of the door, looking straight at minho. minho looks at hyunjin.

hyunjin gives a sleazy smirk. minho frowns, willing the intense desire to knee his fellow dancer right on the crotch to go away.

“what are you doing here?” minho inquires flatly. he pats himself in the back for at least not sounding too malicious as if he’s imagining beating the living hell out of hyunjin in his mind.

hyunjin’s smirk grows bigger as he shrugs.

“figured you’ll be here somewhere,” he replies nonchalantly as he leans on the door, arms crossing with the denim jacket dangling.

_that’s one hell of a cocky attitude you got there, brat_.

“hmm, miss me already?” minho replies, now with a cocky smirk of his own.

“well, we’re in the group together after all, hyung. bad things may happen but i still need to participate in chan hyung’s search rescue to find where your unreachable-by-phone self has gone to.”

minho laughs, partially genuine. of course chan will do something like that.

“yeah, well, you’ve found me. am i going to get dragged home by my ears now?” minho says, tone and expression morph into challenge.

hyunjin chuckles, although minho notices his shoulders relax.

“nah. i don’t want to risk dying just to satiate chan hyung being a worrywart dad.”

minho honestly can’t figure out what the fuck is going on right now.

just days before, hyunjin and him are fine, on perfectly good terms. then in a blink of an eye, hyunjin and him are at each other’s throats, with odds against minho’s favor as the older boy is pretty sure he’s now already informally labeled as a homophobic. then, hyunjin and him are even stretched further by scorching, consuming hatred, with the memory of jisung sucking hyunjin’s dick burns itself onto minho’s cerebrum so clearly, _still leaving a huge hole of bafflement in minho’s rational part of the mind as to why does it fucking bother him so much_. the hatred, fueled by hyunjin’s smirk of the day, insulting minho so plainly, as if minho isn’t a competition.

a competition? since when does minho consider himself a _competitor _to hyunjin? _competitor of what_?

but now. now they’re exchanging light banters as if the entire truth or dare bullshit hasn’t occurred, as if minho isn’t caught red handed peeping jisung sucking hyunjin’s dick. the air is different, and minho notices hyunjin isn’t as aggressively defensive as he usually is since the incident.

“good call,” minho replies, tone light. he relaxes his posture to melt more onto the wall supporting his back. “what are you going to do now, then?”

hyunjin leans away from the door as he puts the jacket onto one of the counters. he steps forward to the middle of the room.

“practice, i guess. been feeling out of touch lately.”

_maybe if you would just stop spending every waking minute fucking jisung’s mouth_.

minho secretly pinches his own thigh, making sure his mouth hits the brake right on time before such words come out.

he opts out a light shrug.

“oh well, happy practicing. i’m heading home to take a shower,” minho says, already starting to walk away. he gets closer to hyunjin but he only glances at him for a short pass, simply as to confirm that minho acknowledges hyunjin’s presence and not making it obvious that minho doesn’t really want to be in the younger’s vicinity any time soon.

“be my guest, hyung,” hyunjin replies, not really turning to look at minho but eyes him from the mirror. “the dorm’s pretty empty now, so you can shower for as long as you like. last i checked only jeongin and changbin hyung are left, still knocked out cold.”

minho wants to prod as to why the dorm’s empty, but they’re probably either practicing or looking for him as he recalls hyunjin’s words. he opts out of it. he just wants to get out of here as soon as possible.

hyunjin might be able to pretend like nothing has happened yesterday (or so the bitter side of him says, while the brighter side says maybe hyunjin just want to start making things for the better), but not minho. lee minho needs a long cold shower and an unhealthy amount of jokbal to start treating his mind. and they won’t even guarantee an instant cure, just the start of a long-winded therapy.

“good to know.”

he has his fingers circling the door handle, ready to twist it so he can open it, before hyunjin speaks out again.

“oh, and hyung?”

minho sighs and relaxes his grip from the handle as he turns his head back to hyunjin.

“hmm?”

“judging from your face, i feel like i need to tell you something.”

“tell me what?”

“how jisung sounds when he’s getting fucked.”

okay, forget about hyunjin pretending things aren’t happening and that he perhaps is simply trying to fix the strain between him and minho. he’s a fucking little shit.

and he’s winning.

“what did you say?”

minho turns to hyunjin fully, the door to his back, and he notices hyunjin is also fully facing him now, arms crossed in front of him, legs relaxes. the ever-arrogant smirk comes back, and he looks at minho as if… minho’s just a helpless little child left for him to tease to filth.

“i’m sorry you couldn’t catch us when we’re doing it. but remembering how hot and bothered you seemed like while you were being a peeping tom, i guess it was enough of a show from our darling jisung, don’t you agree?”

minho subconsciously gapes, mind reeling towards total blank.

“w—what?” he dumbly stutters.

“hmm, how should i start… i guess i should point out that the sounds he make when i’m fucking him, they’re beautiful to the ears,” hyunjin starts with a new glint in his catlike eyes. he starts to take small steps, inching closer to minho, like a cat spotting its prey. the smirk turns into a grin. “he’s always been very loud, though, so it’s no surprise how vocal he is even in bed.”

minho’s stomach drops to the floor, as he even fails to notice that hyunjin is still taking slow yet sure small steps towards him, arrogance thick in his beautiful face. the older suddenly feels cornered, small, like hyunjin has suddenly grown one meter taller.

but as minho at least realizes his palms balled up into a fist, squeezing tighter, he acknowledges that the simmering warmth blooming inside him isn’t rage.

hyunjin glances upon minho’s tight fists and smiles even more mischievously.

“he’s sensitive, too. both of us, actually, when we had sex for the first time. although, i grew out of it. he doesn’t,” the younger continues, tilting his head to the side slowly, as if he’s assessing minho’s response. “he mewls easily, whines easily. when i leave feather-light touches on the back of his head, his neck, his collarbone, _his nipples_. he mewls when i touch those spots. always. it’s cute, actually. he sounds cute.”

even with eyes trained to hyunjin, minho feels like a curtain just rips itself out of minho’s eyes, supplying him with a crystal clear imagery of jisung lying on minho’s bunk with no shirt on. eyes closed, face red, tiny mouth opened a little to let out lewd mewls as minho’s fingers travel from his beautiful collarbone to his perky light brown nipples, down further to caress his abs.

_fuck_.

minho’s breathings gets heavier, and to minho’s utter annoyance, hyunjin the little shit notices.

“imagine it, hyung,” minho hears hyunjin spurring him even more, pupils dilated. “his little mewls, his little whines. when i caress him even just slightly, he goes puny. he goes as soft as a darling can be. when i _finally_ touch his dick, on his underwear. _oh_, he lets out the cutest whine i can never imagine coming out of his mouth. and he always tries so hard to hold it in too, biting his lips hard. they turn wet and red so easily.”

minho can’t take it anymore. he can’t look at hyunjin’s eyes anymore. he looks down instead, hiding the fact that he’s closing his eyes. his fists tremble.

hyunjin may can’t imagine those lewd sounds coming out of jisung, but minho can. oh, minho perfectly can. so clearly. and it’s making him breathing heavier, hotter. it’s making his pants tighter.

_jisung…_

“my darling,” hyunjin speaks, now with a weight. minho sneaks a glance and notices hyunjin’s pink face.

minho wants to laugh. guess this dangerous conversation isn’t affecting him only, and he will guffaw straight to hyunjin’s face if only he’s not having a mind battle to either calm his dick down so he won’t come from sheer words alone, or continue to picture jisung spasming in front of him, dick spent in minho’s hand.

“when i finally fuck him though, hyung,” hyunjin starts again and the sheer vulgarity of the words making minho’s fists got impossibly tighter. “he can’t hold it anymore. he’ll moan slowly first, keeping his mouth attached to my neck to muffle his desperation. but when i pull away, when i keep his wrists together forcefully above his head, he’ll let go. he’ll _moan_ and _whine _and _whimper_. he’ll have tears poking at the edge of his eyes, and his slick lips begging to be kissed endlessly.”

an audio imagery of skin slapping passes by minho’s head, completed with the visual of jisung lying helplessly on the bed, beneath him, hands restrained and left only to let minho fucks him, endlessly. the whines are heard, so _goddamn clear_. he has heard jisung whines many, many times, but this time. it’s different.

jisung whines because minho would’ve made him feel _so good_.

minho’s fingers grasp the sides of his pants, no longer able to handle things by themselves. he needs a fucking grip.

“the best thing is, hyung, is when he screams your name.”

minho opens his eyes abruptly, wide open as he stares at hyunjin who’s finally stopped inching closer, standing around one and a half meter away from him.

hyunjin’s face has gotten so red and even minho can see the boy’s breathing with a little difficulty. no more arrogant smirk, no more mischievous eyes, only a hardened face and dilated, dark eyes.

lust.

“when he screams your name, sounding so wet with _tears and helplessness and submission_, when he screams your name as he lets himself getting thrown around like a ragdoll, like he’s nothing for you but a beautiful body to pound into, you realize that you may think you own _him_, but in reality, _he owns you_.”

this time, minho allows himself to try looking at hyunjin’s eyes, and he feels—_knows_—that the pure, unadulterated lust in hyunjin’s orbs mirror his own.

“because when he screams your name, hyung,” hyunjin starts, breaths heavier. “you will do anything for him. you will recklessly abandon your needs, and you will want to satiate him. because you will want to hear him scream your name again, but this time, he _has to come while doing so_. in that moment, you’re nobody. you’re his.”

minho feels himself leaking as he takes a stuttering breath to close his eyes.

jisung pliant in his grip, shaken as minho relentlessly fucks him, relishing in the way jisung screams his name, begging him to go harder as the younger is about to come. jisung’s dainty hips rolling itself with desperation, reckless abandon. white spurts from jisung, as he screams minho’s name, as he scrambles to grip minho’s wide shoulders.

_minho hyung_, he would whimper.

minho takes an abrupt breath and shakes his head, full with urgency as he glares daggers to hyunjin, the boy still standing with uneven posture and glazed eyes.

waiting. for minho’s reaction.

and a reaction hyunjin will get.

“fuck you, hyunjin,” minho spits with not even a slight regret. “go fuck yourself, you little bastard.”

before minho can let his knees weaken considerably, or before he can notices hyunjin’s surprise at the insult, the boy turns around and harshly pulls open the door, marching away from the practice room with fire in his belly, and a very hard dick.

~~

sometimes, minho can get pretty dark.

okay, that sounds unnecessarily dramatic.

but minho will not argue that he has that darkness within him, like everyone else. he has that same darkness like chan’s exhaustion of the members’ antics that longs to be let out so chan can start shouting profanities at the younger ones, or like seungmin’s profound disgust towards poor hygiene that’s been pent up in the form of light-hearted jokes or temporary sulks so others can clean the fuck up. one day, seungmin will explode and start pointing his finger towards someone’s face, probably jisung.

and minho’s darkness? he will always profoundly deny this in front of camera, saying how much he cherishes his members that he will be unhappy if they’re unhappy with him, but in truth—he _revels _in the fact the younger members are scared of his anger.

the bitter realization comes during one cold-ass shower, right after minho had stormed back home from the... whateverthefuck just happened between him and hyunjin in the practice room. true to hyunjin’s words, the dorm was empty save for changbin who was clicking away in the laptop on his lap. the rapper was lounging in the living room and as soon as he heard the door opened, revealing the undoubtedly messy state of his hyung, he had rolled his eyes and directed his attention back to his laptop.

_well, that hurts_.

minho would probably cry if yesterday’s state of mind still lingered. now, though, considering the melancholy had been replaced by blazing fire thanks to one and only hyunjin, he just wanted to get the hell out of here.

so into the shower he had gone to.

at least, when he showered, his dick had softened considerably.

a long walk from the company building back to the dorm had definitely replaced the firewood of the blazing fire within him. it used to be fueled by arousal—_fuck. why arousal? why the hell am i feeding hyunjin even more? furthermore, _why does jisung stick in my mind so easily like that?—but now, soaked under ice cold water, the fuel had started to change to anger.

hyunjin is someone who shrieks, fall over, then proceed to roll over while shouting dramatically with a pale face on the sight of an obviously human jisung surprises him by sticking his headout behind a bed frame, for _god’s sake_. hyunjin is someone who flinches as if he’s experienced some god awful crime against humanity in a human trafficking cartel when minho goes as far as lifting just his right index finger to flick some dust from the younger’s collar.

_and he now has suddenly grown massive balls to treat minho as if minho’s lower than him_.

minho had found himself laughing bitterly, half irritated the hell out by hyunjin, half irritated by himself for being unnecessarily weak in front of someone he can most likely beat in seven seconds on a fair fistfight.

as his skin became a lot more uncomfortable by the unhealthy amount of time the cold water soaked him in the middle of an upcoming autumn season, his mind got clearer.

maybe not in the best way.

but still...

minho had remembered the faces his younger members made at him, the disgust, the discomfort, the entire fucking fiasco.

changbin.

all those attitudes would had never be let go by minho if only the older didn’t let the _unnecessary _guilt of being _strongly opinionated _cloud his judgment.

minho laughs a little louder now, fingers gripping the wall strong.

_if i’m going to be the villain now, then a fucking villain i might as well be_.

when they say cold showers bring someone saner, obviously the same hadn’t apply correctly to minho.

the dancer had left the shower when he finally realized how his teeth started chattering. he went to the mirror, looked at this reflection, and decided this weak ass man just wouldn’t do.

minho had brushed his teeth, scrubbed his face clean with the facial wash, and finally wrapped the towel around his waist. this way, the top of his body was fully visible, with strong abs decorating despite him not being as thick as either chan or changbin. he had looked at himself, _fully _looked at himself, at his own eyes before he pulled back and squared his shoulders.

enough was enough.

he vividly heard some commotion going on outside, probably the others arriving back home. he had taken a deep breath, releasing it as a way for him to release all the tension, and put on a straight face before he walked out of the bathroom.

he was soon greeted by the sight of seven members crowding the living room. changbin was still lounging with his laptop, but this time woojin was leaning on changbin’s shoulders, probably in the middle of pestering the younger. chan, felix, and seungmin were still hanging around in the coat rack, hanging their coats. jisung was standing in the middle of the room, probably was about to join woojin pestering the living hell out of changbin.

all of them had stopped moving though, everyone paused at the comical moment in the middle of _doing something_. their eyes trained on the towel-clad minho who was drying his feet on the bathroom, eyes trained on his own feet but not in an awkward attempt to avoid eye contact. as soon as he had deemed his feet dry enough, he had looked up with a new vigor in his face.

“minho.”

it was chan who had spoken first.

“hyung.”

minho had replied casually. he took a quick scan over the entire room, seeing how everyone stared at him in... surprise? bafflement? whatever?

“where—“ chan had cleared his throat. “where were you?”

“the building. sleeping,” minho answered. he started to take slow steps towards his room, across the living room, where he had to pass them by first.

“really?” chan asked again, skepticism thick.

“_really_, hyung,” minho answered, now even brave enough to rose an eyebrow.

this had felt good. fantastic. the new surge of confidence felt incredible. this was right. minho had no business whatsoever to cower, to be bullied.

“what did you all think i was doing anyway?” minho added, feeling even braver. as he had walked far enough to finally be in the living room, just several steps away from jisung (who had decided to look anywhere but minho, fingers tangled around in each other from nerves, perhaps), he had finally noticed hyunjin lingering around behind chan, felix, and seungmin, just watching.

the three backs obscured minho’s clear sight to look at hyunjin’s expression clearly, unfortunately. although, it hadn’t stopped the mischievous thoughts in him of that little taste of revenge. a smirk came by his face.

“just ask hyunjin. he was there with me when i woke up.”

minho didn’t even bother to analyze hyunjin’s response any further as he had started to stride back to his room, passing by jisung—and others—in shoulders colder than they had—or maybe _shouldn’t_—ever experienced.

he only had hoped that hyunjin realized minho had allowed him to corner him no more. if hyunjin had considered it a challenge, then he wasn’t wrong.

a challenge to his authority, _of course_. nothing else.

nobody had stopped him from walking inside his bedroom, or nobody had called his name. and when minho had finally locked the door, he released a breath he didn't know he was withholding. he relaxed his back to the door, falling down slowly to dampen the loud thud.

it had taken at least ten seconds for minho to started hearing conversations resuming in the living room and as soon as it had started, minho had finally moved to put clothes on.

and minho had wanted to bash his own face to the door because as he was scanning his wardrobe to find something to wear, he had suddenly remembered jisung standing in the middle of the room, trying to make himself small, avoiding eye contact, biting his bottom lip.

_jisung. helpless. submissive._

he had never put on the tightest pants so fast in his life just so he could be _restricted _from displaying an embarrassing effect after a highly unacceptable train of thoughts.

that was the story of how minho is here now, in the backstage of Pacifico Yokohama National Hall, getting ready to start their Unveil Yokohama show, a week and a half later.

things has shifted considerably since then. true, the younger members still do their best to avoid him and this time, minho decides to let them be. he's living with no burden now, letting the members to just do whatever they want to do. he doesn't even care anymore if chan looks at him with obvious disappointment or changbin as if he wants to punch minho in the face.

but he doesn't. and that's what make minho _okay_.

the oddest thing, though, comes in the form of hyunjin now being much more frequent at looking at minho. and whenever minho catches him, hyunjin just gives a small smile and shrugs before he walks away, as if... he's– assessing him? whatever it is, minho is ready. if hyunjin will challenge him, and to be honest, that's what the older has been expecting, then minho is ready. no matter what the challenge is.

he– no, _they,_ can think of him in anyway they can, but still, they will never have the balls to execute those malicious thoughts anyway.

in the end, despite them maybe trying hard to deny it, minho is still _above _them.

and for now, minho will keep that ugly fire burn within him, keeping him hot inside. totally not because of a prickling knowledge that when the fire dies down, minho will be left in loneliness and regret and sadness and longing to be embraced again, not feared.

definitely not because when nobody is looking, minho finds himself unable to resist his subsconscious to look at jisung wistfully, mind filled with how much he misses his best friend who now scramble even at the sign of minho being two meters away from him.

or does he really miss _his best friend_? or does he think of something else?

~~

at least, the group's tension doesn't leak itself onto the public's eye, with the group performing flawlessly. they even joke around on stage, minho included. at first, he notices that seungmin wants to tease all the members starting from the leftest row (changbin) up to the rightest row (himself), and minho can see the heavy hesitance in his eyes when he's gotten to chan who's standing before him. minho takes initiative and shouts "why are you skipping me?!" and despite the teasing words obviously shock seungmin to the core, the roar of the fans awaken the younger as the younger joke around with minho too, although strained.

minho knows what happens on stage now is just a farce, fake. as soon as they step down, the happiness is instantly removed by the familiar looming cloud and nobody dares to approach minho, let alone teasing him the way chan ruffles his hair or hyunjin pats his butt on stage.

_hyunjin_.

minho was so close to chuck the microphone to the younger's face when he had touched the older, but minho held it in and just gave a good-natured teasing smile.

the ride back to the hotel is silent, but not in an uncomfortable way. everyone is just exhausted beyond belief and minho, who's riding shotgun, finds himself falling asleep as soon as he sits on the seat, even before the car rides off.

the true god's punishment comes in the form of him having to room with one and only christopher bang chan.

_it's okay, minho, just don't spare him even a single glance. he can stare until the damn sun rises from the west_, he thinks to himself as he tries to look busy, pondering to change his clothes, cleaning up his shit, just to not give any opportunity for the leader who's sitting on his own bed, obviously staring at minho, to speak up.

the dancer climbs calmly into his bed, about to slide himself comfortably into the warm duvet, until the long avoided catastrophe comes.

"minho, we need to talk."

_fucking hell_.

"tomorrow, hyung," minho reasons, faking a yawm (despite his exhaustion being totally real). he turns his back towards the leader as he lays on his side. "i'm tired."

chan chuckles, this time exasperation thick in the sound.

"i know you are because so am i. but we would've only experienced physical exhaustion now if things don't happen the way it did, don't you agree?"

"i have no idea what you're talking about."

minho literally feels like a petulant child getting scolded. he wants to stab himself in the eyes for such a shallow remark.

"minho, you can't keep avoiding this forever. we need to settle this down," chan prods again, patience wearing thin. at least he hasn't made a move out of the bed to perhaps drag minho straight to the floor with his big ass biceps.

"hyung, pleaaaseee," minho risks another petulant whine. "please, okay? i'm tired. tomorrow. and besides, what are we settling down anyway?"

silence. and to be honest, when it comes to an argument with bang chan, when the older quiets down before the argument even reaches any solutive point, it's pretty fucking unnerving.

after maybe three seconds of minho holding his breath, not daring to look back, an audible sigh is heard.

"fine, suit yourself, minho. just know the longer you prolong this pretense that everything is fine, that everything is under controlled, that _you're fine, _the less fine you all will be."

soft ruffles are heard and the room goes dark. just like that, the conversation is over.

five minutes later, soft snores are heard. and despite the exhaustion, minho finds himself staring wide open to the dark wall for maybe until three hours later into the night.

_fuck_.

it's dangerous. this is dangerous. sleepless nights like this, silent save for the intensely dimmed traffic way down there, dark save for the reflections of the city light in the partially open curtains, they're dangerous. things plague minho's mind.

things...

things like how warm woojin's hug is. how comfortable cuddling jeongin is. how hilarious teasing changbin is. how satisfying to see other members taking revenge pranks on seungmin is. how warming it is to have chan half-hugging him in pride. how adorably gullible felix is.

even how comforting hyunjin's arm used to be around his shoulders when he's too exhausted he's struggling with choreographies, both sharing the same understanding.

minho feels his eyes get wetter.

how jisung's constant lingering on him actually grounds him, feeding a fragile ego he has no idea he possesses that requires a constant reminder that he's needed, he's loved. how jisung always pouts or nags childishly every time minho teases him just a tad too much, but soon the younger will return to follow him anywhere he goes like an adorable kitten, basking cutely in the attention of minho's affectionate skinship which usually comes in the form of tickles under the chin and soft embraces.

_fuck_. he misses their friendship. he misses their love. he misses _jisung_.

minho is sniffling now, and he immediately bites a pillow to hold it in. chan may already is snoring now, but minho can already feel he's about to sob louder, and he needs to get his shit together before all hell breaks loose when chan wakes up.

suddenly, his phone lights up the dark room and beeps loudly, startling minho enough to make him flinch hard as the phone vibrates hard repeatedly, creating noises as it clashes with the drawer under it.

minho hears chan softly groaning as he hastily scrambles to get his phone.

"wh–?" he hears chan sleepily says.

"nothing, hyung. just my phone. on my way to silence it," minho announces–he blanches a little when he hears how wet and shaky he sounds but when chan simply hum and not even ten seconds later soft snores are heard, he thanks the lords above.

he and chan may not be on the best term now, but minho isn't that evil yet to make his usually sleep-deprived leader to have any less sleep in the middle of a tour.

after minho silences the phone and his eyes adjusting painfully to the glaring lights, minho feels like he's about to throw his phone across the room.

six kakaotalk bubbles glare at him, messages hidden, but the sender's name visible: hwang hyunjin.

_what the fuck is he doing, texting me in the fucking midnight?_

**Hwang Hyunjin**

hyung

hyung

minho hyung

are you awwaeke?

awake*

hyung

**Lee Minho**

what the hell do you think you’re doing

do you know what time it is

**Hwang Hyunjin**

not late enough for you to be asleep ;)

**Lee Minho**

go to sleep.

i’m not in the mood to talk to you

or anyone.

**Hwang Hyunjin**

you are now, hyung.

i’m challenging you.

now that. _that_ gets minho's attention fully.

**Lee Minho**

to what? a fistfight?

is the rooftop accessible?

**Hwang Hyunjin**

lmao no hyung

no to both.

that'll be a challenge where you will win easily. and we don't stan easy ways in this household.

come to my room, alone

**Lee Minho**

wtf

no

**Hwang Hyunjin**

come on. don't be a pussy, hyung

**Lee Minho**

i will fucking bash your face to the wall for real this time if you don't stop talking to me, hyunjin.

**Hwang Hyunjin**

welp. can't do it while you're holed up in your room like a pussy.

**Lee Minho**

which one is your room

**Hwang Hyunjin**

766.

knock knock well, k?

we're waiting for you :)

minho throws his duvet back, feet scrambling to find the hotel slippers in pitch black darkness. he's going to beat hyunjin for sure now. it doesn't matter if hyunjin may have the high ground of being holed up in his own room, but minho will bash hyunjin's face to the wall right now.

phone abandoned, minho leaves the room after much struggles to locate both his slippers and the key card. he leaves his room, 763, to walk just a bit to hyunjin's room, clad in a shitty black t-shirt and black sweatpants. he was going to sleep with that old mario bros t-shirt but god bless his change of mind to sleep in the all black attire. he at least now has the physical confidence to square the fuck up at hyunjin's face.

it doesn't even take ten seconds to get in front of hyunjin's room. minho knocks (not too forcefully, of course, he still wants to display an impenetrable fortress of calm).

it's now that minho is left with maybe one second of silence, waiting for the door to open, that an ice cold bucket just pours itself onto minho's head, metaphorically, that makes minho acknowledges the tardy epiphany.

_we're waiting for you_.

_we?_

some inaudible rustles are heard inside, maybe hyunjin moving to open the door, but minho's train of thoughts are still too focused on its own.

_we?_

_who's hyunjin rooming with?_

minho was in a state of sleepiness when the managers announce the rooming partners. he kept himself unfocused unless when the manager speaks out his name, and that was how he heard he's being partnered with chan.

footsteps are getting even more audible now from beyond the room.

_"felix, you're rooming with woojin." _

the manager's voice boomed itself into minho's forced memory.

_"seungmin, jeongin, changbin. you will room together. don't worry, your room is the biggest_."

minho's eyes bulge with shock at the math.

that means...

his inner shock is left paused when the door flies open.

"hyungie!" hyunjin's cheerful exclaim blares, although not too loud to awaken the entire hall. he's putting on a very big smile right now. not teasing, but not exactly genuine.

_mischief._

minho's blood runs cold as soon as he realizes that hyunjin daring to speak so loudly, along with the lights of his room still glare stubbornly, means his _roommate hasn't fallen asleep. _

hyunjin's hair is damp, as if he's just gotten out of the shower, and he's wearing nothing but the hotel's white robe with the slippers.

"i thought you would chicken out."

_deep breaths, minho._

"i'm not you, hyunjin," he retorts sharply, earning a little surprise at hyunjin before the younger chuckles and shakes his head.

"you are pretty persistent at being unnecessarily aggresive, aren't you?"

"you're also pretty persistent at standing at a distance where you can shut the door immediately at the earliest sign of me about to drop kick you."

hyunjin leans his cheek on the door, pouting. at the same time, a muted snort is heard, and minho has to hold himself back from fisting his hands.

"that's mean, hyungie."

a soft giggle is heard from behind hyunjin, and no matter how much the other person try to mute it down again, minho knows that giggle everywhere.

_fucking hyunjin_. the younger isn't as stupid as he thinks, after all. it's a damn trap.

he needs to get out of here.

"if there's nothing creative left to say from your mouth, hyunjin, then let me excuse myself so you can think better."

before minho can even move a muscle, a hand finds itself circling his wrist.

"hyung," hyunjin suddenly stands too close to minho's liking, grip too tight. he looks down straight to minho's eyes–minho has never hated their height difference this much before–and with a very low voice, he whispers, "you know jisung's here, don't you?"

it feels a tad different hearing the name directly, but minho won't allow a moment of weakness in this situation.

his other hand grips hyunjin's wrist that holds his in an even more bruising manner.

"one, don't touch me. two, yes, i know. and i was under the impression you and i will be alone so ring me up again when you've grown the balls to do so, hyunjin."

hyunjin only chuckles exasperatedly before he speaks up again.

"hyung, you–"

"minho hyung, come inside."

it's nothing dramatic, really. not like thunders blaring or fires glazing or ice soaking when you hear that _particular voice_. but it's enough. it's enough to make it feels like time has stopped temporarily for them, it's enough to make both boys' eyes widen a bit, before one stays wide and frozen while the other's morph into a catlike smile.

_it's been so long._

_so long since jisung has addressed him directly_.

minho hasn't even fully registered just how much he misses the younger, so much that even hearing his name being spoken feels like warm water has just been doused to his tired limbs.

"come on, hyung," hyunjin speaks up now. minho doesn't even realize his hold on hyunjin's gotten looser, with the younger now taking his other hand to whisk minho's arm away. with both wrists being gripped lightly by hyunjin, the younger starts to walk back in a mischievous manner, dragging minho inside teasingly, not too forcefully.

and despite it all, minho stays put and lets himself being dragged by the younger into the bright room.

it really is nothing dramatic. the layout of the room is pretty much identical to his and chan's, so minho doesn't have to waste any more time necessary to find his... bearings.

it doesn't take long for him to acknowledge jisung's presence in the room, sitting on the furthest bed from the door, near the window. like hyunjin, he's also only clad in the white hotel robe and the slippers. unlike hyunjin, though, his hair is perfectly dry, fluffy brown. the curtains are all closed, the lights of the room illuminate perfectly everything in the room, including how radiant jisung is.

and how... nervous?

minho has assumed that the younger must've found some newfound confidence to actually mentioned his name back there, along with the tone of willing the dancer to come inside but now... jisung crosses his legs on the bed and he fiddles with his fingers, eyes looking down to said wiggling fingers.

he looks... pretty fucking cute, if you ask minho.

  1. _ no. no._

hyunjin's words back then about jisung have definitely affected him in ways he wouldn't care to remember.

"okay, i'm inside. what now?" minho says, this time successfully hiding how equally nervous he is like jisung. he has no clue of what's about to happen. will hyunjin and jisung jump on him alone? _nah_, jisung isn't the type to fight.

but honestly, with how minho has been acting as if jisung doesn't exist for the past week, plus the fact that he's been distant from jisung for a while now, minho won't be surprised if jisung suddenly grabs the table light and smash it to his skull.

however, minho manages to hide his nerves and juts his chin out, looking at jisung (who's still keeping his head down, fiddling with his fingers and biting his bottom lip nervously) and hyunjin who's walked back inside. surprisingly, he doesn't approach jisung. instead, he sits on the sofa on the other side of jisung's bed, sitting with open legs and relaxed posture like he owns the damn hotel.

hyunjin's still smiling mischievously, face incredibly radiant with childish vivacity.

"he's asking a question, jisung," hyunjin says and minho redirects his glance to jisung who still doesn't look up. minho notices how red his lip has become from the constant nibbles.

_so cute_.

no, minho, what the everloving fuck?

the youngest of them three shakes his head in lieu of responding hyunjin verbally.

hyunjin sighs exasperatedly, but he still looks at jisung fondly from his spot on the sofa.

"fine, i'll say it," hyunjin says before he stands up again gracefully, like a cat rising from its nap. he then starts to approach minho slowly, meaningfully, and the dark glint in his eyes, along with the way hyunjin bites his bottom lip in an exaggerated contemplation, settles wrongly with minho. the older steps back as the younger steps forward, further back as hyunjin comes closer, until finally minho can't back up any further due to the door handle poking uncomfortably at the base of his spine.

"basically, _hyung_," hyunjin _purrs_, and there's nothing else in minho's mind but a very loud _what the fuck. _before minho can process anything further, hyunjin is now standing perhaps only 30 cm away from minho. he can't even see jisung behind hyunjin anymore.

"you're getting a tad too close here, hyunjin," minho speaks, and to his utter disappointment, his voice wavers.

hyunjin notices, and he grins.

"well, i just want to make sure you hear this loud and clear," the boy continues, chuckling. "so, hyung, have you ever considered doing a threesome before?"

if eyes can physically jump out of its sockets from utter shock, minho would have no eyes at that very moment.

"... what?"

hyunjin smiles brightly before he suddenly walks away.

and minho is met with jisung standing a little further from him, but not far enough. maybe half a meter away?

god.

this close, minho can finally embrace how much he misses his baby _so much_. minho misses squishing jisung's ever present chubby cheeks, misses looking into his always bright eyes, misses jisung's warmth.

but minho can't fully comprehend his longing any longer as he immediately notices jisung's red, nervous face, but eyes so determined they contradicts the boy's fidgeting entirely.

and the previous words of hyunjin finally sinks in.

_a threesome?_

"i know things have been a little patchy between us three lately," minho hears hyunjin speaks again and he doesn't even register the younger is now back on the sofa, seated, watching the staring contest between minho and jisung. "and i'm sorry for that. i never meant for this entire thing between me and jisung to be a competition between me and you."

"competition?" minho asks softly, hesitantly, yet his shaky eyes still bore themselves into jisung's own equally shaky ones.

"uh huh. what i said in the practice room back then, hyung. i meant it, when i want you to now how _he _sounds like when he's getting fucked."

the sheer vulgarity and imply of those words are enough to catch minho's breath, even further when he notices how instant redness has creeped its way into jisung's face, the boy now looks away again from minho's eyes.

"i don't—"

"so hyung," hyunjin interrupts minho. "are you still curious how it feels like to fuck jisung? jisung is certainly curious too, aren't you, sungie?"

minho's rendered speechless completely as his mind goes blank, his fists tighten as he plants his eyes firmly at jisung's fidgeting self. discomfort? is hyunjin making jisung uncomfortable?

the starting fire inside minho is simply just a protectiveness surging, of course. protectiveness to make sure jisung doesn't feel uncomfortable by hyunjin's games. definitely not because of anything else.

minho's about to speak up, perhaps flipping off hyunjin and maybe dragging jisung out of here so he can beat up hyunjin in peace, before jisung looks up with glazed eyes, and nods.

_what the..._

"i want to, hyung."

minho gasps, taken aback. he's taken aback by everything. jisung's dilated pupils, jisung's red cheeks, jisung's effortless charm.

jisung wanting minho to fuck him.

the room feels so hot all of the sudden, and minho's eyes can't stop looking at jisung's reddening lips.

minho flinches when jisung suddenly takes a step forward and the flinch is enough to stop jisung dead in his tracks.

"hold it, sungie," hyunjin pierces through the tension. "hyung hasn't said it, yet."

it seems like jisung just has gotten himself doused in cold water as he immediately curls into himself, probably ashamed.

adorable.

jisung looks up through his lashes, straight into minho's eyes, the way a child would wait for his mother to give permission for him to dip his hand into the cookie jar.

minho's fists tighten, so tight he feels himself shake.

"what do you say, minho hyung?" hyunjin asks again, still like a background narrator, not intending to apparate himself in the line of focus view between minho and jisung.

and minho is grateful. because now he can stare at jisung fully, basking in the younger's glow. his... poorly concealed arousal. because of him.

_but does minho want jisung in that way?_

hyunjin referred to the entire situation to be a competition between him and minho, but minho has never thought of it that way. what's there to compete about? he was mad because what hyunjin and jisung did could jeopardize the whole group. it's not... it's not like minho wants jisung in the way hyunjin owns him now.

or is he?

minho's breaths have gone ragged. he recalls how on the first night jisung, hyunjin, and him fight, he can't get the image of jisung, _naked, spent jisung_, being _pounded_. he recalls how after the conversation exchanged between him and hyunjin in the practice room, he's walked home with a very hard dick and an intense monologue to think about disgusting things so he won't imagine jisung screaming his name in reckless abandon.

he recalls how hot his chest goes even back before jisung and hyunjin revealed they have been fucking each other, simply by the view of jisung approaching hyunjin a lot more frequent than minho.

_fuck_.

_i like jisung_.

the epiphany comes crashing like a damn truck, and minho senses his knees weaken as he leans his back to the door.

"hyung?" jisung asks, softly, cutely, tilting his head.

he sounds... _hopeful_. and minho just wants to kiss him senseless right then and there. mark him all over the place, leaving blue all over his neck, his chest, his waist. making jisung moan his name in that same, desperate cute little whimpers.

"i want to," minho finally speaks up.

and in that moment, there's nothing else in the world besides jisung's face ahead of him. and his smile which blooms so beautifully, so satisfyingly. minho feels his chest flutters with how happy he is as he sees jisung obviously happy at minho's acceptance. and minho wants to cry.

if only the imagery of what's about to come doesn't stop him to feel melancholic and feel incredibly... _anticipating _instead.

now no longer clouded by the fear of being rejected, jisung takes slow, yet confident steps towards minho. eyes never leaving each other, jisung finally stops right in front of the older boy.

he smiles, _so so beautifully_.

"hi, hyung."

and minho doesn't even have the time to respond with anything before jisung pecks his cheek and drops his robe to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe.
> 
> so i really am sorry for being like... super late. and sorry for adding one more chapter but it's final, i promise the amount of chapter won't change after this. thank you for sticking around!!


	5. pretty boys

self pride is something minho cherishes. self pride that stems out from a pretty solid self consciousness, self acceptance. minho has been in the performance industry for a while now, not exactly since he came out of his mother’s womb looking like a ketchup-dipped mashed potatoes but at least long enough to know how untamed the mind of an insecure performer can be. insecurities bound to appear in so many times. and minho prides himself at managing to sort out the necessary insecurities, and the unnecessary ones so he can keep his mind pretty sober.

like, for example, the hyungs back in his old dance club used to call him gullible and clueless. it’s meant to be a joke, but minho had taken the joke way too seriously, started to be so insecure he would restrain himself from speaking out in a conversation due to fear of being... out of touch? that insecurity used to strain his performances a bit back then, although frequent. so after receiving repeated criticisms by his dance captain, minho had decided to get his shit together and stop being unnecessarily insecure.

little boy minho has grown up now. he’s no longer the youngest member of the dance club, no longer someone clueless. in stray kids, that role has now been taken over by felix, and minho doesn’t exactly miss being defined in that way again, even if it means well and adorable.

but now. now, minho isn’t sure at how _unclueless _he is.

he wonders if only, _if only_, he hadn’t been _that _clueless to not notice the lingering, completely non platonic touches jisung gives him back then, he would have had so many opportunities to kiss jisung, ranging from teasing pecks to full-blown clash of tongues thick with passionate battles of dominance, like he’s doing now.

if only he wasn’t as clueless as he had been, he would have had so many opportunities to land the most loving kisses on jisung’s radiant body, starting from the back of his ear where the younger straights out _mewled_ and _curled himself further into minho_, down to his collarbones, and his nipples, like he’s doing now.

if only he wasn’t as clueless as he had been, he would have had so many opportunities to relish in the way jisung _spasms _beneath him, wiggling so hard as minho’s tongue dances around his perky nipple, switching from one to another, and how jisung entangles his fingers to the older’s hair tight enough to feel _good_, moaning lowly yet wildly, like he’s experiencing now.

if only he wasn’t as clueless as he had been, he would have had so many opportunities to hold jisung’s naked, tiny waist right in his fingers, gripping hard enough to make the boy whines uncomfortably, but the prize in store is too good for jisung to push minho away. in this position now, where jisung lies in front of him, the bottom of the younger’s honey thighs on top of his own as he sits, minho could’ve had so many opportunities to enjoy jisung’s beautiful naked body, presented just for him.

he would’ve had so many opportunities before to appreciate the way jisung’s dick stands desperately, begging for attention, and how jisung covers his eyes with his arm embarrassedly as the adorable boy bites his bottom lip, face red. minho would’ve had so many opportunities to gently pry jisung’s arm away as he leans in, face hovering so close above jisung, smiling softly to the shy boy beneath him.

“don’t cover your face, lovely,” minho could’ve whispered it for so many times before, just as gently as he does now, contradicting their current erotic state. “i’d hate every waking moment of not being able to see your face.”

and minho would’ve had so many opportunities to enjoy the symphony of jisung’s sounds—pleasured moans, desperate whimpers, choked gasps—all given straight to his ear as minho attaches his lips to jisung’s neck the same time his hips move aggressively to fuck jisung, deep and hard. minho would’ve felt jisung hugging his shoulders so desperately, so needily, so _goddamn _good, many many times. he would’ve had the pleasure to listen to jisung’s desperate pleas for him to _go_ _harder, harder hyung, please_, like now.

if only he wasn’t as clueless as he had been, he would have had so many opportunities to say multiple, yet still highly laced with desperation “i love you” to jisung’s ears as he comes inside the younger. jisung, _his_ lovely jisung, who lies spent beneath him, who glows with pure pleasure and happiness as he stares through hooded eyes and replies with the most beautiful, relieved smile,

“i love you too, hyung. i always have.”

but then, as jisung tucks himself cutely onto minho’s chest, seeking as much warmth as he can from the older, as much _assurance _as he can that minho won’t fuck and flight after three incredible rounds where both boys are left nicely exhausted (clear by the fact that now jisung has started to softly snore and minho may have spent approximately ten minutes straight just staring softly at the boy’s face), minho thinks he’s probably as clueless as he had presumed.

because jisung, he’s _probably _figured him out.

but not hyunjin.

hyunjin, who had stay seated in the sofa all this time, up until he had stood up just so he can walk out of the room as soon as minho laid jisung down to the bed. hyunjin, who had just chuckled, not saying anything else.

as minho has finally come down from his high of loving post-coitus jisung, the dancer’s logical senses finally returned.

_what now?_

he and jisung have finally accepted each other. minho has finally grown the damn guts to accept who he is—someone who’s fallen in love with his own band mate. someone whose puberty has arrived late, probably, considering he’s only experienced the burning rampage of jealousy and _supposedly _unrequited love at the age of twenty one. he’s accepted that for the past short while, all his villainy doesn’t stem from worries regarding the future of stray kids because of the naughty night activities a couple of his band mates do, or that the younger members have _lost their mind _for behaving like pious brats in front of his face.

minho is simply a _jealous man in love_.

and minho has accepted it, he’s understood it perfectly.

and yes, jisung has said that he loves minho back. although now as the older backtracks, jisung said it while minho was balls deep inside of him, chasing both his own and jisung’s orgasm.

was jisung _genuine_? did jisung perceive minho’s _own _confession as _genuine_?

but... what about _hyunjin_?

aren’t hyunjin and jisung... lovers?

then what’s minho doing here?

hyunjin said this was meant to be a threesome, but the younger had walked out the moment minho’s sexual passion became too salient. what’s going on?

okay, never mind minho thinking he only needs to figure hyunjin considering he’s most likely figured jisung out. he has figured out neither of them.

he still can’t find the right intellectual resources to finally cross the possibility of jisung only wanting him sexually.

and maybe, minho is still as clueless as his dancing hyungs tease him. and just like back then, the weight of his entire cluelessness only makes him want to physically cry. however, this time, he wants to cry because he’s heard how his heart responds to the contemplation he’s done, and it’s breaking.

what has he done?

just then, jisung moves a little, hugging minho’s chest tighter, and minho feels uncomfortably dizzy.

because he can’t do this. he can’t do this, if jisung only wants him sexually. if jisung chooses to stay with hyunjin and they’re actually in the middle of some kind of open relationship or something like that. what happened just an hour ago, it wasn’t just _fucking _for minho. minho _made love _to jisung.

but does jisung feel the same?

minho feels tears well up. tears of what, he has no certain idea. it’s probably anger of being used, but he doesn’t have the morality rights to feel that way, because he’s used jisung too. it’s probably sadness of still unable to be with someone he’s loved since... the fucking survival show. or maybe longer. or... _fuck_.

minho slowly detaches himself from the younger, careful not to jostle him too much. it’s hard, because jisung hugs him so tightly, so tight minho almost believes it’s out of love.

jisung arm grips pretty damn tight for someone who’s already snoring right on his naked chest, and minho is losing time. he’s felt the first trail of tear comes down his eyes, and his chest has begun to go up and down a little too rapidly for his liking.

an ugly cry is about to come, and minho doesn’t want to be anywhere near jisung when it does. he doesn't even know why he's crying. a moment ago he was chasing pleasure with reckless abandon, then a moment later he's _a man in love_, and now he wants to cry out of frustration.

“hyung?”

_fuck_.

“hyung, stop wriggling so much,” jisung continues languidly. minho doesn’t dare to look down, though, because tears have started to fall a little freer than before, and he really _really _doesn’t want jisung to see.

“jisung,” minho dares to say, straining hard to stop it from shaking.

“hyung,” jisung replies, drowsiness mixed with playfulness and minho allows himself to feel _warm _at being on the receiving end of the younger’s playfulness again after so long.

_he's going to miss it now that he's going to completely go away_.

“will you let me go?”

minho doesn’t even fully acknowledge how ambiguous the question is for him.

“nuh-uh. don’t wanna,” the younger replies cutely, still sleepy.

minho has never felt so in love in his life before. and he’s never felt so _heartbroken_.

“jisung, let me go.”

it’s probably the change of tone, or the change of sentence, or whatever it is in minho that signals something is wrong for jisung, as minho—who’s staring adamantly to the window instead of the fluffy head beneath his chin—feel the weight on his chest has been lifted off and soon, hands make their way to minho’s head to tilt it stubbornly, no matter how persistent minho at resisting as well.

as jisung is about to completely turn minho to look right at him, minho closes his eyes.

_i’m such a coward_.

“hyung?” jisung asks again as minho feels both of the younger’s warm palms cup his cheeks, undoubtedly touching the trails of wetness minho has pathetically let down. “hyung, are you crying?”

“no.”

“hyung.”

minho stays silent. his entire body feels so cold despite the prominent warmth of a body lying on top of him.

“hyung,” jisung says again, although this time he lets the underlying petulantly worried whine leaks into his speech.

minho stays silent. he doesn’t trust his voice yet.

_jesus, why the fuck am i crying?_

“hyung, come on. talk to me. it’s okay,” jisung tries again, this time moving one of his hand to gently caress the top of minho’s head, down to the side where he lets his thumb gently caresses minho’s left brow bone.

minho opts to stay silent, trying hard to regulate his breath just so he won’t be embarrassingly wrecked by ugly sobs, but jisung doesn’t relent. minho wants to laugh. he should’ve known, of course. before shit went down, jisung has always been that one guy in the group who just doesn’t know when to hit the brakes. always a loudly overwhelming guy, not sensitive enough to notice that his affections aren’t exactly welcomed.

“jisung—“

“hyung, stop crying. you’re going to make me cry too.”

minho opens his eyes then and true to his words, jisung’s eyes have gotten wet and red, ready to pour out his own tears like minho is doing.

and despite everything, despite how jisung is probably only using minho in the way minho doesn’t like at all, despite how minho is currently facing the most intense internal battle of his life because of how _confusing _jisung is, minho just can’t stand seeing _his baby cry_.

“darling, don’t cry,” minho softly coos as his own palms come to cup upon jisung’s own soft cheeks which have gone wet. “why are you crying?”

jisung sniffles as he closes his eyes, visibly relaxing his face to the warmth of jisung’s big hands.

“because you are.”

minho chuckles humorlessly.

“yah, since when have you become such a crybaby, han jisung?”

“don’t scold me, i’m sensitive.”

jisung’s tone has turned playful again now despite him still tearing up, and minho lets out a genuine wet laugh of his own.

“you didn’t even cry when i was eliminated in the show back then! you’re not a sensitive crybaby!”

“shush! i was practically seventeen back then!”

“exactly, and you were the hardest-to-cry seventeen year old guy i’ve ever met! or are you just doing this to purposefully steal my heart and forgive you?” minho teases, despite the painful stab to his heart getting much more prominent.

and it probably hits jisung just right too, minho supposes, because the boy suddenly blinks his eyes open and stares at minho with a pair of determined eyes.

“’forgive’? what did i do wrong, hyung?” he inquires, not challengingly, but genuinely as if he truly believes he’s done something wrong and about to drop the whole world just to make it right to minho again. “is this still about the past couple of weeks? i know how upset you were when you found out about hyunjin and i, but trust me, i—“

“hyunjin and you,” minho wistfully interrupts. “that’s it, isn’t it? _hyunjin and you_.”

jisung stares at minho with an open mouth, wet eyes confused.

“huh?”

minho drops his hands from jisung’s cheeks, and despite him wanting to calmly cooing jisung when the younger obviously goes after his hands, he can’t ignore it any longer.

“jisung, what are we doing?”

jisung only looks at him, looking genuinely confused to provide any answer.

“i—“

“you’re already with hyunjin, aren’t you not? so what are we doing now? you and i, what are we _doing_? you’re literally sitting here in my lap half-naked, we just made—“

_sex, minho. not make love. it’s only you, not him_.

“—had sex, you’re sleeping on my chest, me spooning you. but you’re already with hyunjin, so what the hell are we doing now?”

jisung looks as if a thunderbolt just struck him straight into shock, mouth hanging open and eyes blinking.

“hyung, we—“

“because,” minho interrupts again, not wanting his incoming train of tears stopping him from speaking what his poor heart considers need to be spoken to avoid any pent up heartbreak. “because, it’s not like that for me, jisungie. i don’t want that. like, i get it. maybe it’s your kink or something or maybe it’s hyunjin’s kink to let his lover sleep with someone else, but that’s not what i want. i...”

minho trails off, hesitant. he looks away from jisung’s face, staring down at the way jisung is fully seated in his lap like a child.

“i’m in love with you, jisung. i want to be with you, but not as an instrument between the already existing relationship you have with hyunjin.”

minho releases a shaky breath, feeling the intense weight the confession has left him weightless, and not in a good way. empty, almost. and sad, too.

yeah, minho is totally not okay right now. and the worst part is, he knows this isn’t exactly jisung’s fault either. jisung and hyunjin are just doing what they like to do, and even before minho and jisung started to kiss, hyunjin and jisung had made sure to wait until minho gives his affirmation that he _wants to do this_.

it’s his fault. he shouldn’t have been so easily consumed by his lustful greed.

but it wasn’t just lust. it was... longing. desperation. _desperation_, for touching someone he’s madly in love with in ways like the man who truly owns his love.

_fucking hell_.

a thwack is heard across the silent room, completely surprising minho as he yells. he’s registered way too late that the flinch he gives isn’t just because of the sudden thwacking sound, but it’s also because of the searing pain across his face.

_ah, jisung just slapped him_.

minho looks at jisung’s eyes, scandalized. the younger’s face scrunches in anger, eyes glaring so hard minho feels his determination to complain at how painful the slap is wilts away.

“wh—“

“why would you say that, hyung? why would you just go ahead and assume for the worst in everybody? in me?! you’ve known me better than anyone, you’ve been the first ear to listen to all my stuff since we debuted, and do you think i’m that low?!”

minho’s mouth remains hanging.

“i— some people _do _have that kink, though?”

jisung stumbles upon his words, being completely exasperated as he throws his arms back.

“yes, i know, hyung! some people _do _have the kink of sharing their partners and that’s fine by me. i’m not kinkshaming here.”

“you just did.”

“hyung! for god’s sake!” jisung exclaims, even more exasperated. “let’s—let’s not discuss the honor levels of kinks here, okay? you were crying moments ago, jesus!”

“and you slapped me!”

“because you deserved it!”

“i deserved to get slapped when i’m the one getting used?!”

jisung squishes his face right then and there, so hard his entire face probably protrudes unflatteringly but it also relinquishes him from any ability to speak.

“hyung, nobody is _fucking using _you, okay?! when—when you said you’re in love with me, i’m in love with you too, hyung! i have been in love with you since the moment you walked into the recording booth back then with felix, telling the seven of us that pd-nim has given his blessings to let you join back in recording so we can debut as nine! i’ve been so in love with you since you sing your lines again in hellevator, since you nailed that rap when i held your hand! i’ve been so _fucking _in love with you too, okay?! and i’m not just using you for sex, believe me. i did what we just did because i love you, hyung. and just like what you said, i want to be with you too.”

jisung releases minho’s face just then, breathing heavily like he’s just rapped his verse in hellevator after performing three songs nonstop previously. he looks straight and minho, eyes fiery with anger.

minho’s body feels as if it just got electrocuted so bad he’s experiencing a full blown shock. at least, however, he’s still fully capable of speaking up.

“but... hyunjin—“

“—isn’t like what you think he is, hyung,” jisung interrupts. his tone has gotten softer now, like a father explaining something to his child. “he’s... ah... _fuck_. this is not how tonight’s supposed to go.”

“... the sex?”

“no, hyung, not the sex,” jisung rolls his eyes.

minho honestly has never felt so lost in his entire life. pretty sure minutes ago he had just laid his heart bare in the most sentimental way to jisung and now they’re exchanging conversations dumbly like a pair of guys in a sitcom.

“i mean, this conversation. it’s not supposed to happen like this. we’re not supposed to be having this conversation right now, like this, tired and all.”

“no, no. i want to hear it now,” minho immediately jumps in the moment he sees jisung’s hesitance. “if this isn’t going the way i want to, then i’m sorry, jisung, i can’t spend any more time here.”

jisung sighs, but this time out of exhaustion, as if he’s finally given up trying to hold something back. _which he is_, minho’s sure of it.

“okay. this whole thing between hyunjin and i? it’s not like what you think it is. it’s not like we’re both in love and then start sleeping with each other. no, we’re sleeping with each other simply because we like it. we like sex. and considering neither of us can’t find anyone else for us to have sex with, we settle with the only other one who’s fully accepting our desires, and whom we trust. in my case, i trust hyunjin, i like sex, hyunjin likes sex too, and hyunjin trusts me too. put two and two together, we’re sleeping together.”

_literally what the fuck._

“you’re just—what? _fuckbuddies_?” minho inquires with furrowed brows, and then jisung is squealing like an embarrassed schoolgirl as he puts his hand onto minho’s mouth, silencing him.

“no! not _fuckbuddies_, god that’s so cliche. we have something else but... it’s... ugh. just,” jisung keeps on stuttering, but now with a face as red as a tomato. “okay, fine. yes, i suppose you’re right, we’re _fuckbuddies_, as you so eloquently put it.”

it’s obvious that jisung is holding something back, but minho can see jisung doesn’t say whatever it is simply because he’s _shy_.

and minho... he doesn’t exactly know what to feel. he feels a bit of hope starts to bloom in his heart, though, hearing how jisung bears no love for hyunjin. but, still...

“jisung—“

“the point is, hyung,” jisung interrupts softly, eyes downcast as if he’s trying to hide himself away from minho—hide those pink plump cheeks away from minho. “i love you. i love you so much. i love you when you’re singing, i love you when you’re dancing, i love you when you’re whining, i love you when you’re talking, i love you when you’re sleeping. i just love... _you_. not hyunjin.”

if minho had felt confused on what to feel, jisung has given him the answer—he makes minho feel like _he’s on cloud nine_ the moment he realizes how every word jisung has uttered is all genuine.

unexplainable warmth blooms in his chest and his shoulders feel lighter, as if a heavy weight has been pulled away. the warmth jisung emanates is back in full force, willing away the ice cold fear minho’s body felt before to leave.

minho stays silent, basking in how jisung looks, seated on his lap right in front of him. he’s wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers, honey skin exposed. this way, illuminated by the moonlight outside, minho can see the blooming reddish bruises on the side of his hips in the shapes of fingers, and also the prominent bite mark on the left side of his chest.

they came from him. those marks came from _minho_. and jisung has allowed him too, has _begged _even, for minho to mark him prettily.

as minho travels up to look at jisung’s face, how the dim pink hasn’t gone away yet even in the minimum light, how the boy is nibbling his bottom lip anxiously, how his eyes stubbornly stays downcast, hiding behind those fluttering lashes, minho realizes with vivacity that he _loves _jisung, and jisung apparently _loves _him back.

minho releases a shaky breath, the aftermath of his crying.

“i love you too, jisungie.”

when jisung’s eyes bulge out momentarily before he whips his head up to look at minho dead on, minho doesn’t miss the way those eyes twinkle from tears. he’s about to ask worriedly what gets the younger to tear up, but then the most _beautiful _smile blooms its way onto jisung’s face, more beautiful than the smile jisung has ever shown minho, and minho realizes once more that he is _in love_ and _loved_.

"okay," jisung mumbles, shyly, happily. "don't think about weird things again, okay?"

and minho smiles, smiles so happily. he can't even form any other answer except anything that says he agrees.

"good," jisung says. it's obvious that he's trying to hold back his smile shyly, but then he leans forward to peck minho's lips.

minho is startled, but he smiles even brighter, if that's possible.

but minho has learned that anything, _anything_, is possible when it comes to jisung anyway. especially when there's nothing in jisung's face but a shy happiness of being accepted, of loving. 

_anything is possible_.

~~

“are you telling me that all this... _arrangement_, you’ve done with jisung, has a purpose and that purpose is to get me so bloody jealous i would then realize how ‘hopelessly and madly in love’ i am with jisung?” minho inquires, puzzlement thick in his voice.

to not even a slightest surprise of minho, hyunjin just grins and nods enthusiastically like a child.

“yep! all this,” he makes a vague gesture on the air around his head. “it all comes from a very teary drunken confession of jisung pining over your clueless ass.”

if only minho isn’t overwhelmed with bafflement and frankly, embarrassment, he would’ve nick hyunjin’s forehead for using such crude wording at him.

they’re currently seated in the dining hall of the hotel, precisely at brunch hour. as expected, minho has woken up late this morning, completely missing breakfast along with jisung (who’s still in the room, sound asleep). hyunjin has spammed his kakaotalk repeatedly with unnecessary bragging at how he’s saved both jisung and minho’s asses, saying jisung is planning to skip breakfast anyway and minho has been taking an emo walk somewhere in the area, hence why minho was absent from his bed (and hyunjin had to make the _heroic sacrifice _of waking up to a vibrating alarm at five a.m. just so he can wake up from minho’s bed faster than chan to not raise questions).

(“why the fuck couldn’t you just say i was _taking a morning walk _instead of an _emo walk_, hyunjin?”

“because using the word ‘emo’ and ‘angsty’ seem to work out perfectly well at describing you so people don’t ask questions nowadays, hyung. chan hyung even nodded understandably when i said it because he said, and i quote, ‘minho and i didn’t go to sleep in the best terms last night anyway. he probably needs it’.”

“fuck you. fuck chan hyung too.”)

“you’ve been avoiding him, remember? before he started to hang around me instead?” hyunjin continues.

“i’ve never avoided him!” minho immediately retorts because they’re no way _in hell _he’s got the hearts to avoid jisung, even before he’s come to terms with the feelings he has for the younger rapper.

“you did! what a total lie,” hyunjin rolls his eyes. “don’t you remember? you said to jisung maybe you and him should tone down your... ‘affections’ a bit because you saw many comments in _youtube _and _twitter _how our fans perceive you guys as a couple instead of best friends?”

minho snorts exasperatedly.

“that doesn’t equal to me avoiding him!”

“no, but it _does_ imply that you’re _disgusted_ with people thinking you have some romantic shit going on with jisung and please keep in mind again that jisung has been _romantically attracted _to you since before we debuted. you practically rejected his love right then and there, hyung!”

minho remembers. he remembers how he had felt highly uncomfortable when he read so many comments online regarding his fans viewing him and jisung as a romantic couple instead of a couple of affectionate best friends. and he won’t deny it.

“pretty sure there even is a real couple who feels uncomfortable when people who barely knows anything about them hype up their relationship for no reason,” minho claps back with a pout, although his voice is lower than before, mimicking that of a child who’s sulking. “and you have to imagine how the comments about me and sungie literally floods every video that has maybe _just a second long_ content of me tickling his ears, hyunjin!”

hyunjin shrugs unsympathetically as he scoops another spoon of ice cream. he’s decided to indulge himself considering the tour is over and he’s eaten a pretty hefty breakfast before. minho, on the other hand, is nursing his own ice cream over empty stomach. if two hours from now the dancer is suffering from stomachache, he _will still _complain to the gods for giving him a _weak _stomach.

“yeah, i get it, people got different preferences at how they want public to perceive their relationship. but that’s not the point. point is, you made it sound like you hated _even_ the prospect of being together romantically with jisung. and then, you rubbed salt on jisung’s wound by completely limiting any type of skinship with him. and you also started to reject his advances to hang out and stuff.”

minho finds himself massaging the bridge of his nose. that’s true, he really did that. for some reason, the comments bothered him so that he wanted to keep away from jisung for perhaps... a week? he didn’t know.

his denial of feelings had probably contributed largely to such a heartless act towards someone as soft as jisung. his own _best friend_.

“but then, it would be totally cool if you also did it to others. instead, you started to be more physically affectionate with other members. like chan hyung, for example!” hyunjin continues, not even sparing a glance at his hyung who’s getting even more dizzier by this revelation as he keeps on munching on his ice cream. “i mean, you knew how it felt yourself, when you see your best friend—or your _crush_—“

hyunjin interrupts himself by sending a coy grin to minho, who resorts to discreetly flipping him the middle finger.

“—gets cute with someone else,” hyunjin continues with a very obvious amusement. “and then came the night where you refused jisung’s offer to eat midnight snacks together in the convenience store down the street, but you literally went with chan hyung and woojin hyung ten minutes after you told jisung you weren’t in the mood to go! remember?”

okay, he remembers that one perfectly.

it had probably been on the fifth or sixth day since minho started to avoid jisung (_fine_, he admits he _was _avoiding jisung). it was totally intentional, but minho convinced himself it would be okay because he had made a promise to return to normal with jisung after a week. so when jisung had launched out another attempt—god knows how many times the rapper had tried—to get minho to hang out with him and give the younger his full attention again, minho had declined despite how _famished _he was for some midnight snacks.

what he hasn’t expected until now though, is that jisung noticing how he had practically jumped right out of his bed the moment he heard chan and woojin going down to the convenience store to buy some snacks.

“well, _fuck_,” minho scoffs exasperatedly to himself. it seems to be the right reaction as hyunjin grins happily.

“yep, _fuck_. because if only you didn’t reject jisung that night, jisung wouldn’t come to me instead to hang outside. and then, jisung wouldn’t accept my offer to go back to my house with me because my parents went to visit my grandmother who got sick and kkami was left alone,” hyunjin continues, although he’s using a very... _sketchy _tone. not to mention hyunjin ends the sentence in a way as if he’s _waiting_. _waiting _for minho to react.

and minho is confused.

“okay... so you went home with jisung and then?”

hyunjin juts his bottom lip out in a challenging question, teasing minho, refusing to say anything unless minho gets it himself.

“hyunjin, what the—“

wait.

_wait a second_.

jesus fuck.

“that was the night you had sex with him for the first time?!” minho shouted loudly, and he immediately yelped in pain as hyunjin practically threw his spoon to minho’s face. “ow! what the fuck?!”

“why don’t you go ahead and just procure a megaphone to shout it straight to every passerby in motherfucking yokohama, jackass.”

minho immediately forgets his anger due to his dully aching forehead as his face goes beet red and notices the entirety of the dining hall has their eyes on them both.

he only prays to god none of them understand korean.

after overcoming the shame, minho returns his attention back to hyunjin with super wide eyes.

“but, is it true?”

hyunjin sighs exasperatedly before he takes minho’s spoon away from the older’s bowl—much to minho’s scowl but hyunjin juts out his chin in a challenge for the older to try taking the spoon from him, which minho doesn’t—and going back to enjoying his ice cream.

“yep,” hyunjin pops the “p”. “that’s when a drinking session while playing with kkami had turned into jisung tearfully crying about you, and then with jisung confessing he hadn’t even had his first kiss yet _here i am pining over someone either really really straight or just don’t like me in the way i like him_, with me affirming i hadn’t have my first kiss either, and with us both looking at each other as intensely as two anime nemesis about to fight and we finally offered each other’s lips.”

hyunjin licks his spoon clean before he looks back to minho and shrugs casually.

“we were drunk, sexually repressed teenagers alone in a wide apartment,” hyunjin whispers conspiratorially. “so things had escalated real fast and well... the rest is history.”

minho swallows down his saliva, head still dizzy from trying to digest every piece of information hyunjin has just shared.

“b—but,” minho stutters before he clears his throat. he looks up to hyunjin hesitantly, shyly, and hyunjin raises his eyebrow. “you really don’t have any feelings for him?”

“no, hyung,” hyunjin answers. minho doesn’t know if he’s lying or not, but the youngers seems pretty convincing. “i enjoy sleeping with him, though, and i’ll take his offer again in a heartbeat if you ever fuck up and he needs a distraction.”

“over my fucking dead body, hwang,” minho grits through his teeth, and hyunjin only laughs.

“yeah, yeah.”

however, despite seeing how casual hyunjin is at discussing the matter, with him still unstoppably enjoying his thinning ice cream, minho still can’t get one thing out of his head.

“don’t lie, hyunjin.”

“what?” hyunjin frowns.

“if you have some feelings for jisung, i would understand. i think. at least, i promise i’ll try. i’m sure after having sex with him you’ll have... i don’t know? lingering feelings? just like how you got all red when you were... uh,” minho hesitates, feeling his cheeks getting warmer. “when you were describing how _he sounds_.”

hyunjin frowns a little longer, deep in thoughts, before it clicks and he chuckles exasperatedly.

“of course i got red, hyung! i was literally reciting how my _only _sex partner behaves when i’m fucking him. that kind of oration needs memory, and memory can only be retrieved if i remember every detail. so of course i got all hot and bothered imagining jisung like that. and just because we’re not in love or whatever, doesn’t mean i don’t consider him... _physically flattering_,” hyunjin retorts.

“stop. just stop. no more talk about how he—“

it seems to be the wrong choices of words because hyunjin suddenly leans forward mischievously, eyeing minho brightly.

“oh, right! you _had_ tried it for yourself last night, hadn’t you? how was it? how was _he_? was he as amazing as i described? _better_?”

minho sticks out his spoon—well, hyunjin’s spoon, actually, the one the younger used to throw at his forehead—straight to the younger’s face.

“enough. talk. about. how. my boyfriend. sounds. in bed.”

again, that seems to be the wrong wording because hyunjin just throws himself back in a guffaw.

“’my boyfriend’, he said. how adorable,” hyunjin sighs dreamily, dramatically.

minho would most likely chuck him in the face if he’s not dominated by unadulterated embarrassment. minho opts to direct his focus back to his ice cream. for a while, neither of them both says a thing.

“at least one of us gets something out of this entire scheme,” hyunjin mutters, distracted, as minho glances up from his ice cream to notice the younger’s eyes are... distant. “i mean, don’t get me wrong. i’m happy for jisung. and you too. i feel really bad when i remember how crestfallen and confused and messed up you looked when jisung and i first dropped the bomb. i swear, that’s why i don’t want to prolong this scheme any longer, because it hurts, isn’t it? to see someone you love is unobtainable?”

despite how touching his words are, minho is pretty bloody confused. mostly because hyunjin still speaks in that distracted tone of his, eyes unfocused, staring ahead but not quite towards minho. behind minho, perhaps?

it’s pretty fucking scary, if you ask minho.

“uh...”

hyunjin suddenly turns back his full attention to minho, staring at the older with focused glaze and the usual light-heart grin climbs its way back to his pretty face, startling minho to no end as he just witnesses hyunjin goes from cold to hot in less than a second.

“don’t worry hyung, i won’t mess up with you again,” hyunjin says as he cheerfully scoops the last ice cream into his mouth. “i know how it feels, how it hurts. so i’m not gonna bring the angst to anyone else. this kind of plan doesn’t work on everyone, anyway. you gotta like someone first to _actually _feel jealous seeing that person being with someone else.”

minho doesn’t even have the time to ask a “what” because hyunjin has rendered him absolutely baffled before the younger stands up abruptly and chucks his napkin to minho’s face.

“yah!” minho exclaims, chucking the napkin back to hyunjin who just laughs.

“see ya, hyung,” hyunjin gives a two fingered salute and walks away.

minho still frowns, staring at the retrieving tall figure who walks as casual as one hwang hyunjin can be, as if he just hadn’t made a very sketchy monologue about some teenage angst.

still confused, minho decides to shrug it off as he continues to eat his own ice cream before it melts too much.

well, minho _tries _to, before a damn hand slaps itself right onto minho’s back, almost making the ice cream spoon stab minho right in the throat.

“what the flying fuck,” minho snaps, turning his head around so he can slap the living hell out of the unmannered bastard to almost kills him with a spoon, to find kim seungmin giggling behind him.

“hold your anger, hyung. or else the entire progress you’ve made will be gone to absolute waste.”

since when is he and seungmin on good enough terms to joke the way they used to?

“you’re getting a little too friendly here, seungmin,” minho mutters lowly, darkly, but seungmin only snorts.

minho should’ve known those words won’t do anything to seungmin. that boy can be the most unbothered son of a bitch one can encounter.

“just like you and hyunjin? pretty sure not twenty four hours ago you looked at him as if he’s murdered one of your cats or something.”

“i do not—“

“yes, you do, hyung. or _did_,” seungmin says before he takes minho’s spoon out of the older’s hand to scoop minho’s ice cream into his mouth.

_little shit_.

“yah—“

“anyway, i’m glad you two worked it out. maybe it is indeed something that needs to be fixed between you and hyunjin because now your i’m-the-final-boss-in-resident-evil aura has gone away,” seungmin—quite rudely, minho might add—interrupts him without a single care. he drops minho’s spoon back to the bowl, and minho slaps his thigh. “ow!”

“serves you right, little disrespectful rascal,” minho grumbles. he will vehemently deny the violence and him immediately retreating back to his ice cream is to conceal his embarrassment of being... so damn _obvious_. “what are you doing here anyway?”

seungmin shrugs, although now he’s standing next to minho while fiddling with his phone.

“taking selcas. see that balcony over there, it’s a nice spot for selcas,” he says while pointing behind minho. the older turns back and surely, a dainty balcony with flower pots and other greeneries is situated around five to seven meters away right behind him.

minho snorts.

“narcissist.”

“says the one who uses all kinds of weird filters to take selcas like a boomer who’s just discovered the technologies of taking selcas.”

minho slaps seungmin’s thigh again, earning a laugh and a yelp from the younger.

“brat,” minho sneers. “at least it makes me much more noticeable and... _unique_. you are as plain as a bread’s dough, kim seungmin. i didn’t even notice you being here until you decided to apparate yourself like a damn ghost.”

“that’s just you being ignorant as usual, hyung. hyunjin noticed me just fine right before he left you here.”

minho rolls his eyes and turns back to his ice cream.

“whatever. just—get out of my sight,” minho says, waving his hand away to seungmin as a way to shoo the younger.

“fine, fine,” seungmin laughs before he starts walking away. he gives the same two-fingered salute like hyunjin did before he does, though, and he says, “it’s nice to have you back, hyung.”

and just like that, seungmin leaves minho with the cold ice cream and a very happily warm heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hyunjin is ok with minsung guys :) the plan between hyunjin and jisung goes for them both, but jisung is the only one who gets the expected result :)
> 
> anyway, it's the end! well, not really. as you can see, it's quite incomplete. there's an epilogue. i was going to make everything end here but it's a little too long for my liking (said the person who wrote 12k in the third chapter despite how drastic it is compared to the rest). 
> 
> i promise the epilogue will come soon considering i'm pretty much cooped up in my home doing nothing anyway.
> 
> which reminds me, take good care of your health, okay?! don't come out of the house unless absolutely necessary. remember our ancestors had to battle out bad people with weapons to keep us alive, and now the only thing we need to do to ensure humanity's survival is to LAY DOWN AND DO NOTHING. enjoy the privilege while you can, my fellow humans.


	6. epilogue: young forever

minho still can't comprehend as to _why _does double knot music video shooting has to be done in los angeles, _for god's_ _sake_.

it's not like he hates the city per se, it's simply that from all the performances and tours here and there, nowadays minho simply prefers to stay as close as possible to home where he doesn't have to adjust his sleeping schedule or to the different cuisine style each country has. he's grateful, truly. and he won't lie by saying the first time he goes outside of country with his dancing hyungs back then to dance backup for bts, it was _bloody exhilarating_ because minho isn't that rich and couldn't afford traveling that far without the group.

but after a little while in the game, he's just... tired. and gets easily homesick.

the older had been cranky since the morning the manager woke him up from the hotel to go to the filming location. he's been cranky since he brushed his teeth, cranky since he washed his face, cranky since he got into the van, cranky since the manager distributed rice bowls as their breakfast to enjoy in the car. minho would probably had transformed into a grown male embodiment of wednesday addams whose mind only works to orchestrace hurly-burly villainy to inflict lethal pain if it wasn't for jisung sitting himself right next to a blanket-covered minho who had sneakily entangle his fingers to minho's hand.

minho had been the first person to enter the van, all brisk and not even a single morning glance to any of his band mates. a couple of days ago, the band had finally left yokohama to fly straight to los angeles to shoot the music video. minho didn't even have the time to return to jisung's room, because he had (to his awful luck) passed by chan right on the corridor towards their rooms.

walking on straight ahead to jisung's room would raise unneeded suspicions from chan who was paused mid-putting the key card to their own room, so minho had simply stood in front of chan with a jackass expression of raising one of his eyebrows, silently declaring him waiting for the leader to open the door.

chan had raised his own eyebrow before he looked back to the keypad.

"where were you?" he had asked.

and minho had shrugged.

"i don't remember the street names."

chan had walked in with minho following before the older continued,

"manager hyung isn't too happy with that. he wants to talk to you later, on the plane."

despite chan standing in the middle of the room, staring strictly to minho like a father waiting for an apology, minho—being the coward that he is—hadn't indulged the older and walked straight to his stuff, gathering them into his suitcase.

"i see. i will speak to him, then."

and for several, long seconds there were no other sounds in the room besides minho's cluttering around with his stuff. 

minho didn't really know what to, if he was being honest. nothing's bothering him anymore, not since what _had happened _last night with jisung and what had been talked about this morning with hyunjin. he... didn't really have any more reason to be an unpleasant grumpy head, but he _hadn't known anything else to do _besides acting like his problem hadn't been effectively solved.

okay, minho would admit he _did _has a face to save by not going entirely cheerful because it would had raised questions and minho wasn't sure he was ready for it. 

furthermore, jisung hadn't exactly instructed what kind of action he wanted to take regarding their relationship now with the group... and hyunjin had worked hard to keep the current situation between him and jisung a secret in the morning...

ugh, fucking confusing.

"minho," chan started again, although minho hadn't missed his audible, tired sigh.

god, minho felt _so bad_.

"yes, hyung?" he had replied.

"look," chan had sighed. so so tired. and when the leader finally sat himself down on the edge of his own bed, minho had found he didn't have the heart to not look at chan, at least showing him the respect of paying attention when he's talking the leader deserved. "i know things have been hard for you lately. i know... the group has been hard to you and you to them. i know what—erm... hyunjin and jisung did, or _doing_, bother your personal beliefs—"

"hyung, no."

"no? what do you mean... no?"

"what they did don't bother my 'personal beliefs'. i'm not homophobic. or religious, in that matter."

minho had probably given the wrong response because his "i'm not a homophobe" statement was supposed to make chan breathe in relief for knowing none of his band mates were actually that close minded but now minho only saw how the exhaustion is his face had also blended with frustrated bewilderment.

"...okay. okay. whatever then," was what chan had settled with before he stood up and exhaled. "okay, i mean, i originally thought your problems lie within hyunjin and jisung but now i'm just confused—"

"it's not," minho had interrupted as quick as lightning, confusing the living hell out of chan and himself, if he was being honest. "it's uh... it's just me. it's not because of anybody. i'm just... going through a mono, right now."

chan had tilted his head confusedly and before he could speak anything else, minho had immediately interrupted the leader's train of thoughts.

"i know i've been an asshat to deal with lately. like, last week i was shouting for no reason like a madman to hyunjin and jisung, then i cried with you to wallow in guilt, then i went all this... _aggressive _to basically everyone. and uh... i'm sorry," minho rambled on. he found himself unable to resist scratching his nape awkwardly as he had stood there, across from chan, separated only with a bed. he hadn't had the courage to sneak a glance upon chan. "all you gotta know is that... i'm going through it. i, uh. i actually talked to hyunjin at the dining hall just before i went back here."

"you did?" 

even without looking up, minho could easily detect the tone of comical surprise at chan's words, sending him cringing for how apparently _hostile_ it had been between him and hyunjin.

"yeah, i did. and we... _talked_. we sorted things out. so, hyunjin and i have no beef anymore."

"huh. i see."

"...yep," minho popped the "p". he had finally looked up, seeing chan crossing his arms now, brows furrowed in contemplation. 

that always means chan is thinking a too clever comeback to say, and minho wasn't sure he could think fast if he kept on looking at chan directly. so he had pulled the pussy move and gone back to clearing his stuff.

"i'm," chan had started again, hesitantly. minho, whose back had turned now, held his breath and brace for impact. "i'm glad to hear that, minho."

_ bless mary mother of _ god.

"yeah," minho had scoffed before he chuckled lightheartedly. "it's okay, hyung. well, it's not exactly the best yet but—"

"don't worry," chan had interrupted, and even minho could hear the smile in his voice. "no rush. you can take your time at fixing things with the rest, minho."

_ the _ _rest._ it's exactly that's been bugging minho since his walk from the dining hall back to the room. he's got hyunjin, then jisung (of course), and then seungmin (because the nosy bastard was being completely unbothered at minho's malice and had caught the older red-handed talking casually with hyunjin again), but not the rest. jeongin and felix, who are still avoiding meeting his eyes. woojin, who still smiles at him but more strained. and changbin, who seems positively ready at all times to slather minho's face in dog shit.

"i will."

"oh," chan suddenly exclaims, not too loud, but enough to garner attention. "what about jisung?"

"whataboutjisung?"

"huh?"

"i mean," minho had cleared his throat, embarrassment creeping up into his face due to his brisk response at even the slightest time jisung's name was mentioned. "what about jisung?"

if minho had turned back to look at chan, he would had witnessed an exasperated questioning face the leader sported. 

"well, minho. i don't know if you realize it but when you started the fight with hyunjin, you started the fight with sungie, too."

minho had sighed. of course. but minho couldn't just say _no worries hyung, we cool now. in fact, we had fucked for the first time last night, amazingly too. jisung had also dumped hyunjin so i totally no longer have any kind of beef with my darling babe._

"i'll talk to him too," minho did turn his head now, looking at chan with a very warm smile.

_ wrong _ again, maybe, because chan had flinched so hard as if someone had poked his butthole with a burning coal.

"ugh," chan had started, awkwardly. he scratched his own head. "o-kay? good luck with that?"

minho's smile only gotten wider, and it hadn't intentional either.

it was odd, but every time he thought of jisung, a warm, tickly feeling slather itself into minho's tummy. 

"okay, hyung. thanks."

minho's grin must had been incredibly unsettling, because chan had only given a very short nervous chuckle and turned his own back to start packing his things.

however, whatever good mood minho had displayed chan that day, continuing to the van where even though minho had sat shotgun again, he had still snuck multiple glances to jisung from the rearview mirror, which made the younger blushed and smiled cutely for so many times _it was so fucking cute jesus_ _christ, _even grumpy minho couldn't resist the temptation to not appear when the schedule became too much.

well, like he had said, _until jisung_.

as minho is the person who gets into the van first, he has obtained the privilege of choosing whichever seat he wants and considering he wants to experience the least invasive sunlight in the forever sunny los angeles (so shotgunning is no more) also he wants to be as secluded as possible from the rest, he's chosen the corner seat the very back of the van.

as soon as he gets in, he's covered himself from his face down to his knees with the black blanket he's carried from his hotel room, adamant to fall asleep as soon as possible with a looming cloud of _exhaustion _looming over him.

well, that's until he feels someone sitting next to him, and warm fingers trickle inside the blanket fort to hold his hand.

without any word exchanged, or any significant action done, minho grasps the hand back, squeezing softly like one would too a child's hand.

if minho falls back into his sleep with a very hot face and a perpetual smile, especially hearing jisung starts to speak animatedly right next to him to anyone who's listening, he won't ever admit it aloud.

~~

"ow, hyung!"

"sorry, sorry," minho apologizes half-assedly, chuckling fondly. he's not really as sorry as he probably should.

they had gone through four hours of filming now, finally given a break by the staff to... do whatever the hell they wanna do as long as they don't scatter too far from the filming area. minho had pulled jisung by wrist really hard and discreet (minho considers he most likely owes the younger apology because jisung was _shocked as fuck _when two hands respectively grabbed his wrist and mouth when he was spacing out staring at a wall waiting for his cup ramen to cook) to one of the empty corridor on several floors below the filming location.

"sweet jesus," jisung had said when minho put him up against a wall. "warn a guy next time, hyung! i could've died from heart attack!"

and minho had only grinned playfully.

"sorry."

he wasn't.

jisung had opened his mouth a bit, about to grouchily retort, before he had realized how close minho was leaning in, and minho could see all words had dwindled down when jisung's face turned as bright as a tomato.

and he had nibbled his bottom lip again.

_ minho is going to die _ soon.

"stop it, sungie," minho had whispered, thumb softly pulling jisung's bottom lip from the younger's teeth. "you're killing me."

jisung's face had gotten even redder and he had looked to the side as minho had continued to lean in.

and it had made minho hesitant.

so he had backed down a little.

and jisung's eyes had went as wide as saucers, panic swimming in those orbs.

"you don't want to...?" asked minho hesitantly before jisung had squished his cheeks.

"no, no! i want to. kiss me, hyung!"

and minho was so endeared, smiling lovingly at the reddening face of his lover, before they had started kissing.

until now.

minho doesn't remember since when or from where does the counter appears, but he's been sending grateful prayers to gods above for providing a way for him to heft jisung up. however, whatever it is described in the movies, it definitely isn't _accurate _to reality because jisung's hip hits the edge of the counter instead, making the younger yelp.

"sorry," minho only chuckles a half ass apology to jisung's grumbling mouth before the older starts to capture jisung's soft, tiny lips again in his, making the younger unable to grumble profanities any longer.

minho is sure to replace all unnecessary grouch coming from jisung with soft gasps, soft whimpers, soft moans. but minho is nothing but greedy. so his loving, tender embrace turned into a hard squeeze to jisung's hip, and one hand slither down to caress the boy's inner thigh.

"hng— hyung."

_ god, that sounds so fucking _ _beautiful._

and minho wants more.  


so he unlatches his lips from jisung's and goes down to start kissing the younger's neck, biting hard enough to leave temporary red marks, but not hard enough to leave hickeys.

it's worth it. licking and kissing jisung's neck is worth it for the whimpers the boy pitifully lets out.

_ hyunjin is _ _right._ jisung is_ sensitive_.

"do you like it, sungie?" minho lowly whispers, hovering his moist lips to jisung's ear the same time his hand goes higher up jisung's thigh and the younger straight out _squirms_.

"y-yes," he whimpers, gripping minho's shoulders tighter.

minho drags his lips then. not exactly attached enough to leave uncomfortable trails of saliva on jisung's cheeks but hot enough to leave out puffs of breath straight to jisung's face. minho drags it from the base of jisung's earlobe back to jisung's lips, where the older licks the younger's top lip slightly, asking for permission.

and permission he gets, in the form of jisung opening his mouth wider, allowing minho to look into the younger's eyes darkly while putting his tongue inside jisung's mouth.

"ah," jisung softly gasps, and it only _spurs _minho even more to start attacking the younger's mouth, licking every available space to be licked by minho's hungry desire.

they continue like that for a little while, tongue battling for dominance and heavy breaths exchanged in the form of each other's names. it's probably the most wholesome moment minho has ever gotten the liberty of enjoying in the whole 2019, and minho would be damned if he has to let it go.

_ they let go _ eventually, though, mostly because the 15 minutes timer minho has set on his watch beeps and it's time for them to go.

"do we have to," jisung whines as minho backs away from the counter after leaving one last peck on the younger's abused lips, giving space for the younger to hop off.

"yes, sungie, we have to," minho says fondly, even as his eyes still swim in lust looking at how he's messed jisung up. "we have to, or we'll get caught."

"i don't care about getting caught. everyone already knows me and hyunjin anyway," the younger continues to grumble as he hops off.

"yes, but they don't know _you and me_."

at that, jisung pouts before he fishes out his phone to check himself out.

"we haven't talked about that, have we?" jisung says as he wipes any trace of stray lip gloss on his lips. ("whatever," he says soon. "my lip makeup is fucked in any way or another.") "how are we going to come out?"

they haven't, but that doesn't mean minho hasn't thought about it.

"do we have to?" minho asks, slightly mimicking jisung's whine earlier which earns him a light smack from the younger.

_ god. he's so _ cute.

"why? you don't want our members to know?"

"not really," minho replies. however, upon seeing jisung's eyes fall a little, he immediately moves to fix his words. "i mean, i just haven't been in the best situation with everyone now. and... well. suddenly dropping the bomb that apparently i've been as malicious as a disney's villain all this time is because of _jealousy _kinda sounds like a recipe for catastrophe."

at that, jisung grins smugly.

"you really are one dramatic person when you're jealous."

minho's about to spit some hateful retort, but upon seeing his lover's smugness, minho decides two can play the game.

"nothing i wouldn't do for you, darling."

when jisung's eyes bulge from surprise and he sputters in embarrassment, minho realizes teasing jisung will be much more fun _now_.

"anyway," minho continues as jisung leans in to fix his own hair, which is probably pretty messed up considering how strong jisung's grip on it was. "it goes both ways. the... negativity the members are projecting towards me. i'm pissed at them too at the moment so they're not getting the privilege upon my best secret anytime soon."

"hmm," jisung hums with a teasingly shy smile. "i'm your 'best secret', aren't i?"

"not exactly," minho replies, but now his eyes darken as he pierces straight to jisung's eyes, who widen in surprise at the sudden proximity and air of intimacy minho's created. "you are just an instrument to said secret. the best secret, though... is fucking you."

jisung's hand on minho's hair freezes, just as the younger boy freezes, still staring at minho's with wide eyes. minho then grabs jisung's lips again and hover his lips on top of his that every time minho even moves his lips to speak, they would kiss.

"i have to admit, sungie. you _did _sound as good as hyunjin described. better, really," minho smiles at the still shell-shocked boy before he tenderly kisses the younger. "i enjoyed every moment i spent with you that night."

jisung, with all his red face, manages to recover and throw minho a small, shy smile while looking through his lashes. 

"i enjoyed every moment of that night too, hyung."

minho breathes out a smile.

"good."

then the older pulls away abruptly and starts walking away, leaving a baffled jisung.

"hyunggg," minho hears jisung whining as he also hears the younger running lightly to catch up to him, making the older chuckle fondly. "you can't just say things like that and—_scatter _away."

"i have no idea what you're talking about," minho keeps on walking to the stairs, ignoring jisung's little petulant whines behind him.

"hyung! you're a meanie! you got me all—"

just then, minho turns around right on the base of the stairs only to grip jisung's wrist and turn him so he's pinned on the wall, with minho in front of him.

"all what, sungie?" minho whispers lowly to jisung's jaw, eyes fluttering to look at jisung's shaky own. 

"all—ah," jisung gasps the moment minho nibbles his ear, leaving cold, wet sensations for the younger to feel.

"all... what? tell me."

minho's moved again now, positioning his face right in front of jisung, noses touching. jisung looks at minho with nerves as thick as a schoolgirl getting her first kiss, while minho puts out the cheekiest smirk he can ever muster.

"hyuuunggg," jisung opts out a whine instead, trying to move away from minho but minho's hold on him is stronger, not to mention the younger isn't really struggling anyway. "stop teasing me!"

minho laughs this time, loud and loving, before he nods to his boy and starts kissing him again.

less fervor, more gentle, and minho realizes he likes both. 

he likes all kinds of jisung's kisses though, as long as the younger reciprocates the kiss. as long as the younger captures minho's lips back with his own, adorable one. 

jisung can kiss minho whichever way he prefers, and minho won't have the heart to say anything else.

"what the actual fuck."

_ what the actual _ _fuck._

minho jumps away from jisung faster than a galloping llama and both look each other in the eyes panickedly before they turned heads at the same time to the source of the sound: seo changbin, standing at the top of the stairs, dropping a cup ramen scattered to the floor with eyes as wide as buttons.

** END **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the full end! now, i'm being completely serious when i say i'm forever grateful for your appreciation and your love for this fic. however, i'd like to make the comment section of this epilogue to be an evaluation of how i write, because as much as i cherish my personal writing style, it doesn't mean i'm limiting any room for improvements.
> 
> is it too rushed? not worded beautifully enough? too random? just say it! but please be cordial, okay? ᶤ'ᵐ ˢᵐᵒˡ ᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵉᶰˢᶤᵗᶤᵛᵉ ᵘʷᵘ


End file.
